Missing Home

Sometimes you don't realize how much you miss home until you receive an invitation to your best friend's wedding.  As you look through the wedding website and see who is the best man and groomsmen, you can't help to feel you should be there....

....perhaps this is what real friends are.  You want to be there to celebrate the good times and reflect on the memories you shared along the way.  Playing paintball.  Going through University together.  Countless ski trips.

So here's to my close friend's and his special someone tying the knot in May.  Wish I can be there...but I won't be back until June.

:)

Chores

A while ago, I read an article relate to those who work in the IT field.  Since most of our work are virtual (bits and bytes), there's a invigorating feeling when we perform physical work, like chores.  The rationale is we get to physically see and touch things we accomplished.

Perhaps this is why I enjoy chores.  Yes it is work as it is tiring.  I am not a clean freak.  My mother can attest to that.  I do enjoy doing the laundry and ironing.  Watching the transformation from a pile of clothes to neatly iron and lay out shirts and pants. 

Since I am married for a week and now after honeymoon and living together, I found myself doing more chores than I was living alone. 

To some, chores might seem an inefficient way to spend time.  There's so much more we can do.  To others, it is not a man's job.  I am wondering about the idea of chore, and work in general, and how we often groan at the thought of it.  

A few weeks ago, I came across a blog post on the Theology of Work.  

When it comes to mundane work, even the work we are passionate to do has a bit of mundane work, there are usually a few response:

• we should rush it and get it done so we can have more fun
• we avoid it all cost and let someone else suffer

I like how the author considers viewing work as an act of worship.  I rather if the work that lies before me, at my job and at home, especially the really 'boring' types, I treat it as an act of worship instead of frowning upon it.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;

    establish the work of our hands for us—

    yes, establish the work of our hands (Psalm 90:17).

Encouragement

Sometime encouragement comes in the unlikely places.

This is from Jason. A friend who followed my blog for a few years.

He was coming through Singapore a few months ago on his way to Cambodia.  We had a chance to stop by for a coffee.

This is the email he wrote after he went home (Australia) from Cambodia.

As I mentioned, been meaning to send this photo through to you for a while, for memory's sake! Hope all things are well with you in Singapore. I'm still busily reading your blog, although have retired from mine just for a while, I anticipate being back in action in the next few months. 

Cambodia was an amazing trip - my team (of 13 people) ended up going into Kampong Cham and staying at an orphanage run by a Christian organisation. We hung out with the kids, went into local schools and went around visiting the locals at their houses and sharing the Gospel. In total our team would have seen about 50 salvations and numerous people healed of various ailments, praise God! 

There were plenty of tears shed when we left the village - mostly leaving the kids as we built such a tight bond over the week we spent there. 

My mate and I have booked flights back to Sg for the end of the year, in anticipation of going on another trip, God willing. Pray for me, as I haven't had my leave from work approved for it yet .. am believing for a miracle! 

Also I read that things seem to be going well with your lady friend ... good to see! Overall life in Singapore is treating you well? I do miss the food ... and it must be a bit cooler over there than it is here at the moment - we are experiencing our eighth heat wave for the summer.

Stomach, Telugu and Seeking the Spirit

Bro, are you at je? (JE = Jurong East) 

This is a MRT (Subway) stop in the west of Singapore.  

I wondering what it would be like.  As I stood there, I prayed a bit to seek the Spirit.  

I am reminded of the first time I went out to visit the poor in downtown Toronto in early 2008.  

• What it would be like?
• Would I shared elegantly?
• What should I say?

I was getting the cold sweats.  My stomach wasn't feeling too well.  

For the past few Sundays, I've been attending a Telugu Service at Cornerstone.  I attended there because I heard they needed help the most.  Telugu is a group of people from southern India.  They came here looking to make money to send back home.  Their job was to rebuild ships.  They work everyday and lived in dorms.  Because of the high service fee to bring them to Singapore, they often have to work 2-3 years before they go back home.  

Most of those attend the church are 20-25 males.  If you are going to hire some hands for manual labor, you need them to be strong, young men that can work. 

The conditions from what the pastor told me is harsh.  Looking at the numbers of how much they earn and live is meager.  They make about $500/month.  From that, $120/month goes to food.  There were many other ways for them to spend their money.  Alcohol, drugs, prostitution.  

Those who came felt cheated.  They were sold a dream to make big money to help back home.  Instead, they came here and realize the living and working conditions were horrible.  The church offered them a sense of belonging, care and hope.  They have small groups every Sat night.  Saturday because they work shorter hours (up to 5 pm) during the weekend.

When the pastor asked me if I should go to visit a small group, I said why not.  

The plan was to meet at Jorong East MRT at 8 pm.  

Once I received the sms, I replied back.  We met up shortly.  One of the brothers serving as a leader in the church came and picked me up.  We would take a bus over to the dormitory.

Before coming, my stomach wasn't feeling too well.  I've been sick and it felt like what I had during dinner wasn't working with my stomach.  There were episodes of stomach ache.  I txt my girlfriend to pray for me.

"One of the brothers in the small group have a problem.  He is addicted to alcohol.  He won't admitted it."

The leader said as we sit in the bus.  Originally I planned to share about how I am saved with a liver transplant and I can do triathlon.  Instead, I changed my sharing to my love to drink when I was in University.

Someone in church today mentioned that Jurong East is like the end of Singapore.  In a way, it is true.  As the bus winded further and further west, we saw less buildings and less lights.  The bus, because it is going to where all the dorms are, were packed with men going back to their dormitories as well.

After 40 min or so, we got off.  Walking along a side road, we were in front of the dormitory.  A number of the believers were setting on the group.  As they saw us, they took out a mat and we sat together and shake each other hands.  They were very nice and gave me a bottle of water.

The cell group started off with a prayer.  Then it was my turn to speak.

I shared about my struggle with alcohol when I was in University.
I shared about how I thought I was in control when the reality was that it was in control of me.
I shared about how much pride and boastful I was in drinking.

I shared about how after becoming a Christian, the desire to drink dissipate.
I shared about the joy of knowing Christ.  He died for my sins (Romans 5:8).
I shared now I stopped drinking. I do not want to witness as a drunken anymore.

I don't know if what I said made a difference.  Conviction of sins is the works of the Holy Spirit.  I just shared how He changed my life.

Just as we were ending and about to pray, my stomach was starting to feel pain.  That's the similar pain I had in Cambodia.  I know sooner or later...probably sooner, it will want to come out.   So I went to the washroom.

As I came back, they were celebrating someone's b-day.  A cake was brought up and they offered me a piece. Knowing that I wasn't feeling too well, I thought about this.  I then remembered one lessons I learn during missions.  One of the scenarios were that you were a guest to someone's home and they offered you food that looked dirty.  Would you take it?

The correct is yes.  Knowing full well that you might get food poisoning, it's very disrespectful to refuse any food.

That was a scenario in a classroom.  Now I am learning it in real life.

I said a quick prayers and took the cake.  Because of the cream, it got worst. So that night I had to go a few times to empty my systems.

This might sound disgusting but the whole experience I am most thankful was God gave me an hour and a half of calm stomach so I could share.

I was tired when I reached home.  But there's joy in back to seeking the Spirit and encourage others.

AMEN!

2012, a new year

Going to do a quick blog post before I go to OMF morning prayer. 

There's a general feeling of reminisce at the end of a year. 

2011. 

What was I doing at the beginning of the year?

What happened?

What's going on now?
What did I miss?

What were the most memorable moments?

As often, looking back one year it feels like time went back really quickly and at the same time a lot of things had happened.

I went to Cambodia on a vision trip.

I am now part of Overseas Missionary Fellowship.  Serving as an Associate in the International Headquarters in Singapore (a missionary).

My liver markers were off the chart and for a while I thought I was dying.

I am now in a relationship.

I am also quite out of shape.  As in. I have a gut.  It's amazing how in a mere two years of inactivity, I lost a large amount of fitness.  Perhaps I should rename this blog as Christian Non-athlete.  

Though, a new year comes new goals, hopes and dreams.

Here's a few items which I want to focus on for this year and this season of my life....

i) To be a deeper Christian and not a broader Christian.  To dig deep in knowing God.  To be fervent in prayer.  

ii) To not stoop in the guilt of being out of shape (how could I done this) but rather live an active and healthy lifestyle.

iii) To once again dream on missions.  The freedom to choose to be Christ to those around me in whatever circumstances I am in.

iv) To freely let go and surrender all that I have, own and value.  

v) Focus on family.

I can foresee there are many changes in 2012.  There are many uncertainty as well.  Where will I go after OMF? This is a two year term.  Will I stay? Where will I be living? In Singapore? In Canada? 

Those questions are important questions indeed.  Though the utmost important question is where is He leading me? (And, of course, am I willing to follow Him?)

Here it goes...if 2011 is a sign of following Christ with all its ups and downs...2012 will be just like that...if not more so :O)

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.

Matthew 4:19-20

Culture Shock

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have much to blog. But my Internet is not realiable. I got an Internet stick but it won't work in my home.  Thus, I am sitting outside hammering this post ;O)

Taken as I was writing this post! :D Two stray cats just ran by, chasing each other!

I've been in Singapore for a month now.  I notice the first few weeks when I was here, I had a tendency to compare everything back home (home as in Mississauga, Canada).  

It was the most small details I would notice the difference. This was a similair experience I had in Cambodia in Feb.  At that time, I noticed and had ill feeling how each step of the stairs were so much higher than Canada.  Obviously different countries have different building codes. 

In Singapore, I noticed everything was different.  I noticed how the leaves were in such different shape compare to those in Canada. I noticed the buildings and infrastructure was different.  I noticed the lack of open small (duh, Singapore is an island with more than 5 million people).  

It was among all these comparisons which I noticed that everything in Canada was perfect. 

Yes, I had a longing for home.

....

I remembered a missionary teacher once said that you won't notice your own culture until you step out and live somewhere else.

How true!

....

So about a week and a half ago, I told myself that it is time to move on. I can spend the next two years comparing and complaining.  At the end of the day, what is there to complain? Singapore is a great city.  Things done in here are different than Canada.  Different atmosphere and different environment.  Plus, there's not much I can do anyways. I am called to serve here at OMF. I might as well abandon such negative thoughts.  Home is not in Canada.  Home is where He leads me.  So I follow.

I am now living in a single room sharing the flat with the land lady, her husband and her 20 year old son. I rarely see them and they rarely see me.  

My commute is longer compare to 'home'.  Though the commute, I learn to surf the net, catch up on personal emails coming to work.  Commute here, if not use, can be claustrophobic at times.  There's nothing like cramming in the morning bus and see how pack you can go before the bus driver decided it is time to go.

I love the local cheap foods in Singapore.  At the same time Singapore is far from low cost of living.  Brand names, high end products and anything associate with Western taste and culture, you will pay a premium for it.

I am also learning to live simply.  To really see how low I can go.  Though one is hard to discern considering right now I am paying mobile broandband (internet stick) and have a data plan for my phone as well.  Though the Internet stick is only $12/month! (the negative part is that I don't have reception in my room so I am outside sitting in the park typing this post....)

Well, this is a small bit of my culture shock.  I never realize how much I am attach to Canada.  I always thought of myself as a Canadian Chinese...but the more I experience in Singapore, the more I talk to people, explaining to them where I am from, the more I see Canada as home.

Of course, as I said before home is where the Lord is taking me....

Settle

Finally settle down in Singapore.  

After picking up my Employment Pass this morning, I am able to give a photocopy to my landlord so she can registered me as her tenants.  Singapore is strict on who people rent to.   Without an Employment Pass, my landlord can get all sort of trouble.

So tonight after work, I moved in.  It is nice to really settle down.  For the past two weeks, I've been living at my friend's, Andrew's, place.  Though he is very generous in offering a place for me (for free!), it feels like I've been holding my breathe.  

Today at OMF I also receive my new laptop.  So things are slowly settling down.  With the Employment pass, I can setup a bank account (then OMF can transfer my monthly living allowance) and start a phone plan.

I am only renting one room as there's not much I really need.  All I can see is that it is settle in a place I will call home in this two years.

Fried Chicken at the local market.

Yes, those are my swim shorts hanging at the closet. Sorry! I need a way to dry them :O)

The command center.

Singapore

A view from the MacRitchie Reservoir

Different.

That's how I feel being in Singapore since I landed on Saturday evening.

It feels different.

There's a certain scent in the air that reminds me I am in Asia.  This is the scent when I was in Cambodia and in Hong Kong.

I am very bless to have two friends, Wai Jia and Andrew, who take care of me since I land.

I am staying at Andrew's place in the time being.  Last night, Wai Jia and I went to a landlord ot finda room for me.  The place looks good. I am renting one bedroom.  The price is reasonable.

Today is a Muslim holiday in Singapore.

I took the time to go to MacRichie Reservoir.  It is a beautiful place.  Trees and forests along the reservoir.  Family, joggers and children are milling around.  EThe sun is out with a few clouds.
I am still in awe that I am in Sinagpore.  It seems only like yesterday when I was in Mississauga.  Working at WSI.  Driving around.

There are local street market (Hawkai center) where food is cheap and it is very local.  This is so different than back home where we will have to drive 10-15 min for food.  Singapore is diverse in culture and people.  You can see it especially in the food that are serve.  There are many types which I never seen before.  I think they are from Malaysia.

Tomorrow I will be going to OMF for morning prayer. I am hoping to settle down a bit.   Like starting a  bank account, getting money for the next few months.  Then I can pay for the rent and start transitioning to the new place.

A stray cat at the block where I live. 

Many Singaporeans will travel abroad because Singapore is a city and there’s not much to see.  The irony is that for me, everything is new.  Food to discover, places to explore and culture to appreciate.

In a pleasant surprise, Wai Jia told me to bring my bike over because she sold my bike to a friend of hers.  For a while I was skeptical.  I called her and asked her if she just want to bring my bike over for me.  She denied it.

When I came out of the airport, she told me that she purchased the bike for me.  :O)
Funny how I told everyone I sold my bike.  It ended up I am keeping it after all.

Surreal

Sitting at Gate 139 in Terminal 1.  The flight leaves in two hours and there's time to sit and be still.

Drinking medium regular (Medium coffee with one milk one sugar) and a whole wheat bagel toasted, not butter.

Realizing that today will be the last morning I am in Canada.  The drive to the airport was the last time I will drive for a while.  This morning will be the last time I sleep at home.  It will be a while before I see Jojo (the family cat).

Of all the things to do and emails to send, I haven't really think about how tomorrow will be like.  Perhaps if I sit and don't do anything for a brief minutes, the realization of going to Singapore, to serve at Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF) for two years, to live on faith and not by sight will don on me.

Sitting here, with my backpack, my bike helmet, and knowing that all that I own is in one suit case and a bike box.....there's a sense of lost-ness and vulnerability.  All the things I accumulated and which I rely on are gone.  Decisions have to be made on what to keep and what to give, sell or throw away.   It feels like a lack of freedom.  The freedom of using my stuff to say go bike or go play paintball.  No bike and no paintball equipment, I cannot do neither of these things.

At the same time, there's also a sense of relief.   In a way, the physical act of throwing away my things free up the clutter in my life.   There's a level of stress when there's too much stuff.  Are they being taken properly? Where do I store them?  What if someone stole them?   Without stuff, all these worries dissipate.

Lastly and more importantly, I am surreal on how everything is unfolding.  A few months ago, I will not expect me to go.  It is just not possible.  There's a sense of disbelief.  BUT I don't think a sense of disbelief makes us a less of a Christian.  Someone who is truly mature in Christ is to act in faith despite one's disbelief.  

I can't see where the path lead. I am scare where it will go (or not go).  These thoughts and feelings don't stop us from following Him.

As I was clearing my stuff, I thought about Hudson Taylor when he started OMF (formerly called China Inland Mission).  He had about 10 lbs in his pocket.  Barely enough for a living.  Taking in faith and having a vision to reach for the lost in China. He boldly took a step in faith and started China Inland Mission...

...indeed faith is illogical.  It makes no sense.

...

There's always a sense of what I am doing is very important.  But when I look at many of the Christian Missionaries (Eric Liddell, James Fraser etc.) and many others (especially the nameless ones), this is all part of the journey of seeking His Kingdom first above all.  I am still in a surreal moment in how everything is unfolding.

How will the next two years in Singapore be like?  What will I do afterwards?  These are good questions to ask and reflect...but for now I prefer to stay in a surreal state.  The realization that God is good, He is active and He is leading.  And my role is merely a response by following Him as close as possible.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”

Matthew 4:19 (NIV)

Gone

A week of packing, cleaning, selling, giving and finish many to do lists....

 I packed. I am ready to go to Singapore. Tomorrow's flight is 8 am. I will be checking in the airport at 4:30 am.

 Thank you everyone for support and prayer. 

 God simply open doors....

 And so a new chapter in my life in the other side of the world. In a city of diverse culture and language. In ministry role as part of a Christian organization with a rich history of sharing the gospel in Asia.... ... but before all of this....

..time to eat and take a quick nap. :O)

Send Off

From a friend...

Cliff, you're very welcome for the group send-off dinner and the flowers ;) 

Y'know, I really did have a toast in mind but we were too spread out and the restaurant too loud :) 

I was going to tease you a bit, but I was also going to say the following: 

"In all the 12 years I've known Cliff, I have admired him. 

I admire the passion that he puts into everything that he does. I admire the dedication he has to what he believes is right and what must be done. I admire his devotion to the people and causes close to his heart. 

With his work abroad in Singapore, Cliff shows us again his passion, dedication and devotion."
I truly am proud to consider you my friend :) 

Thank goodness for modern communication technology for keeping in touch the next 2 years :)

Spend today cleaning up my room and throwing and giving away a lot of things. Next step, pack my stuff and I will be going to Singapore on Fri morning!

Unexpected Surprises

I have nine more days before flying to Singapore.

I intentionally set next week as 'lock down' which I don't see anyone. Stay home.  Spend time with the family.  Take care of left over things.

I am glad I done that.  As I was afraid there would be a few unexpected surprises along the way.  I like to give myself some buffer time for myself.

I am glad.

So a few things popped up lately which I need to address.

The good news is that the big items...health, medication, medical records etc..they are all being taking care of.

A few people asked me have I pack yet...

...packing is not that complicated.  Making sure my finances are settle down and wrapping up things before I head out requires more attention than packing.

As long as I have my medication, my documents, passport etc...the other matters I can buy when I am there (if I need to)....

Ok..time to head back to work.  Wednesday is my last day and in nine days, everything changes

(or I am already in the midst of changing....)

416-564-0626

Lady on the phone:  Can you tell me your phone number?

Me: 4-1-6-5-6...

...

It is amazing how the ten digit of my phone number becomes who I am.  For the past few weeks as I am winding down to go to Singapore, I had to contact the National Student Loan to pay off my loan.  Every time I called them, they need my phone number to verify that I am Cliff Tam.

The ten digits roll off my tongue.  It is Cliff Tam.  In the system, in the society, in my friend's smart phone.

416-564-0626 = Cliff Tam

Since I will be going to Singapore for two years, there is no need for me to keep my phone number.  In the calendar, I already jotted the date when I will call my phone company to cancel my plan.  It will be next Sat. October 29th.

There's one week left.

One week afterwards, this set of numbers will no longer become my identity.  

In a big and small way, I am losing surrendering a part of myself.

As I post pieces of my stuff online to sale and meeting up with potential buyers, things I once treasure I no longer have.

As I sell and give my books in my shelves, I hope that they will simulate the minds of the next reader as they have encourage me.

And 416-564-0626.  In the future when one of my friends call that number expecting me, it will be someone else.

And soon I have no phone number.

It's funny how I worry about how will people contact me. How lost I would feel.

Funny how ten digits can be so personal.  It doesn't matter.  When I am in Singapore, I will have a new set of digits. A new identity.

...

Me: ...4-0-6-2-6

Lady on the phone: (after a brief pause) Hi, Mr Tam.  How can I help you today?

If you have my phone number, please don't call or text after the October 29th. I am sure the person who receive my number will be grateful for this. Thanks!

A Critical Spirit

During Sunday School, my pastor discussed about an article he read from a Christian magazine.

The article was about a Christian sister who wrote that the church nowadays are worshipping in public places such as a gym or a community center.  She felt this lost the Holiness of the traditional church settings with the pews and sanctuary.

The class was an open discussion in which I gave my input that it doesn't matter whether we worship in a building or not in a building. The church is the body of Christ and the body of Christ are when believers come together to worship. The author has in mind is a style of worship which she prefers.
As the discussion went on about what's worship, I flipped to Romans 12 where Paul talked about offering up our bodies as a Holy and living sacrifice (Romans 12:1).

I had with me a New Living Translation.  I continued reading the next few chapters.  The chapter heading of chapter 14 struck me....The Danger of Criticism.

Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.  For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables.  Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him judge whether they are right or wrong. And with the Lord’s help, they will do what is right and will receive his approval.

In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose—to be Lord both of the living and of the dead.

So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.  For the Scriptures say,

"‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bend to me,
and every tongue will confess and give praise to God.’"

Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

It was at this time I thought about that I might have a critical spirit about this author.  I do not have the answer.  What Paul is referring is 2,000 years ago in a context between Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians in Rome, under Roman Empire and in the midst of persecution.  Paul in this part of the letter is ok with whatever a believer eats and the Sabbath issue.  Yet in other letters, he stood very strong in against circumscizing Gentile Christians in order so they fulfill the law (Galatians etc.)

As for me, I see that I still have lots to learn in order to let's build one another up and stop condemning each other.  The irony is that my statement during Sunday School was in a way telling the author, 'hey you should let everyone worship where they want. Give them freedom to do so.'  Yet at the same time I can feel my heart is condemning the way of her worship style.  Such irony.

Christian Mission in the Modern World

Of all the Christian-related books I sold, there's still a few left on my shelve.

This is one of them.

Christian Mission in the Modern World
by
John Stott

I figure John Stott will have something intelligent to say about Christian Mission.

I just read the Foreword and I think I already enjoy what I will be diving into....

I was twenty six years old when this book was first published. I belonged to that group of people who would beg,borrow, steal or starve in order to get the latest book by John Stott.   But this one was extra special.  The evangelical movement was coming of age.  We were entering a "postwar" era when some of the great battles that raged about the mission of the church were being resolved as the church begin to look at mission by studying the whole Bible.  For example, we were beginning to believe that evangelism and social concern were both vital aspects of the Christian mission and that dialogue - done biblically - was not an enemy of evangelism. 

... 

...I had a sense that my life's work was going to be with the poor and needy.  I knew this call would influence my lifestyle choices.  I knew that if I was to identify with the poor, I would have to live simply and be involved in bringing material, educational and social develop to the lives of the people I was going to serve.  I was a student in the United States, and I began to sense it would be best for me not to risk taking an American wife to a life with the poor - not an easy thing for a young person longing for marriage and living at that time in a dating culture!  I needed a base of convictions that would help me in preparing for and executing the ministry I hoped to have in Sri Lanka.

Deep down in your heart....

An interesting conversation tonight at Tim Horton...

Pastor:  So what's deep down in your heart.  What do you want to do?

Me: To share the gospel.

Pastor: Have you go shared it with people down the street?

Me: No....(then went on telling about R who live on the street in his wheelchair and D who I have pho with and became got Baptized earlier this month).

Pastor: Is that the first priority in your life?

Me:  Yes....nothing else matters. My life, my stuff....they are all secondary (smiles).

...

Oh right...that's why I am doing what I am doing to prepare myself to go....


Cliff is preparing to become a missionary with OMF in Singapore. He's seeking the Kingdom first aka..selling everything, prepare what he can to be as simple as possible.  ((Let's see how simple he can go!))

Living for Your Glory - Tim Hughes

What good is it to gain the whole world

But lose your soul?

What good is it to make a sweet sound

But remain proud?

In view of God's mercy

I offer my all

Take my life let it be everything, all of me

Here I am, use me for Your glory

In everything I say and do, let my life honour You

Here I am living for Your glory

The road I'm on it leads nowhere without You

And life I'm living finds meaning, in surrender

In view of God's mercy

I offer my all

Seeking first the Kingdom

Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord

Seeking first the Kingdom

Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord

Keep Moving

I know this blog has been pretty quiet lately.  The past few posts I felt that I didn't really shared what's going on in my life. Snipped in a devotion here.  Shared a random thought there.

In reality, the past few months were very busy.  Looking back from Jan till May, it felt like everyday there was something to do.  Between juggling ministries, application for OMF, I wondered how I was able to take a course at McMaster Divinity Seminary.   Maybe these all attributed to some high liver enzymes numbers and high blood pressure.

Perhaps this is the North American lifestyle and the pace is very fast (irony, compared to certain Asia regions, like Hong Kong, Japan, or Korea, Canada feels sluggish), but last few weeks, I had to be very conscious to slow down.  Very conscious to say no. Very conscious to have some time alone.

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on how God has to open four doors.  They are health, family, church and support.  These are the four doors in order for me to go on mission.  It is a long term role at OMF Head Quarters.  God, in His Grace, opens all the doors except one, support (aka finance).

Earlier this week, an OMF coordinator sent me my Total Support Fund (TSF).  TSF is how much I need to raise in order for me to go.  Given my liver transplant, I have to add on medication and routine tests.  To say, it is much higher than what I expected.

And in a way I am a bit frustrated by this.  Frustrated in that I am ready to go. I am good to go.  But I might not go if I don't have enough money.  Perhaps, the surprise is as a missionary I have to raise my own support and how much energy, time and effort has to go into it.  Email others, write application, follow up.  Of course, these are necessary.  If someone is going to sponsor me, I will make sure that their money is going for the Kingdom of God and not my indulgence.

The post I wrote yesterday.  I will be pretty honest. God has to pull some crazy miracle in order for me to go. Of course, God is all sovereign and if He provided me with a liver surely money is not an issue.  Though a part of me also doubt as well....but just because I doubt, it doesn't mean I stop following Him.

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A lesson I learnt during my triathlon years is that just because my body is telling me I am tired, it doesn't mean I have to slow down.  I learn that I can keep going. Keep Moving.

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And this frustration, doubt, uncertainty, gives me more energy to move forward.

Ok.

So what can I do to save money?
What can I do to make more money?
What can I sell (check out Cliff's Garage sale)?

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In triathlon or marathons or running races, there's a term we called toe-ing the line.  It is the idea that when we step towards the starting line, we are simply to give everything we have in the race.  So in the end, there's no regret.  And to give everything, is very very risky because the body always want to go the other way.

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And so, I am toe-ing the line in seeking God.  This is not a time to stop.  It is time to keep moving, keep  praying and keep seeking.

The most reassurance is that Jesus loves us.  Jesus considers us as His friends.  I was reflecting from John 15.

2006 Half Ironman Peterborough - this is the last bit of the run.  At this stage, there's no holding back.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.

John 15: 9-17

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If you are interested in learning about my missions and like to pray for me, you can sign up as my prayer partner.  You can also contact me and let me know as well.  :O)  Thank you!

When in doubt...

If you are following God....or in pursuit of Him...or when He called you....

in those times when you are in doubt....

it is not a reason to stop...

rather, the feeling of doubt and uncertainty is more of a reason to keep going.

...I know I know..this post is quite vague...will explain later...

For now...need to take a bigger step...move forward..not slow down...

Procrasination

There are a few things I need to do.  Forms I need to fill.  Letters I need to write.

Why am I procrastinate? Busy-ness? Of course.  Tired? Maybe.

I think deep down it is because these forms and letters are a clear indication that things will change in a few months.  The Lord has opened the doors and I am stepping through them.  Ok, maybe stepping through in hesitation.

But it is time.  Time to change and time to move.

The Lord is leading....

He comes where He commands us to leave. If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach, but as long as you were disobedient, you blocked His way. Watch where you begin to debate with Him and put what you call your duty into competition with His commands. If you say, “I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here,” it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says.

From Oswald Chamber's My Utmost to His Highest

Three Days Grace - Lost In You

Heard this song on the radio recently....quite catchy...

Always knew that you'd come back to get me

And you always knew that it wouldn't be easy

To go back to the start to see where it all began

Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends

You tried to lie and say I was everything

I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

You always thought that I left myself open

But you didn't know I was already broken

I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad

But pulling away it took everything I had

You tried to lie and say I was everything

I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

In you

The pain of it all, the rise and the fall

I see it all in you

Now everyday I find myself saying

"I want to get lost in you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

A way to get lost in you