Prayer and desire to be independent...

I will be honest. I am horrible at praying.  Especially to pray for a long time.

My mind always drift off.  I sometimes fall asleep praying.  Sometimes I am too busy to pray.

Actually there are many times I am too busy to pray.

But since the beginning of this year, I am tired of not having a prayerful life.

I remember sitting in the Bible School class in Cambodia last year.  The Missionary teacher was teaching.  He taught about the characteristics of a God's worker.  When he mentioned praying he said with disgust how some called themselves pastors when they don't even pray.

In today's age, we tend to love to read about new ways of doing church and creative things we can do to draw people to Christ.  The idea of relevance, the thoughts of missional and the buzzwords of contextualization are very common in today's Christian circle. (They are not necessary wrong..but I will save that for another post!)

What I seem to forget is that a God's worker is one sent by God, filled with the Holy Spirit, to do the will of God.  God is the one who commission the worker to go out (just as Moses and the Burning Bush).  He is the one who equip us.  He is the one who lead us.  He is the one who guide us.

I am ever impress by how the biographies of all the missionaries I read.  The commonality between them is their huge focus in prayer.  I am currently reading an autobiography by George Mueller.  His whole ministry, opening orphanages and Bible schools, were all dependent on prayers.  He wanted the world to see that God is the one who can be trusted and does provide so he made it a rule to never solicit funds.  

There's a portion of his book where he said how refreshing his day would be if he pray an hour before breakfast.  This week, Wai Jia and I made a habit to get up and pray before we do anything else. I will be hoenst, it is hard hard work. I can barely pray for 15 minutes.  George Muller also wrote that he would pray to God to give him the strength to get up the next day to pray.  Wow.  I never thought of that and applied to my own walk as well.

I often wonder why we don't pray as much as we should.  We hear many sermons.  Pray more. Pray more.  Before my excuse is that I am too busy since I made a commitment to meet a friend to go out.  I need to honor that.  Lately, I just chuck that excuse out the window.  How can I not honor God and give Him my best time?   Plus, I need Him to sustain my His ministry.  

And sometimes I think I enjoy being independent.  Just as a kid growing up, saving enough money to buy his own car.  Now he doesn't need to borrow his parents' car anymore.  He's a man now.  All grown up.  Sometimes I think the independent thinking flows into my own spiritual walk.  How silly to say, I don't need prayer nor need God to do His work.......BUT if I don't pray, that's what I am saying unconsciously.

Lastly, among the Christian circles, we have pastors that we like because of their skillful way to articulate the gospel.  We desire those skills.  Maybe it is the way they speak.  Or how intellectual they sound.  Or the way they get to the heart of the issue.  So we eye those skills instead of seeking the source of those skills, the Holy Spirit.

And so, where do I want others to see me.  Skillful way to deliver a sermon or one uninteresting person powered by the Holy Spirit.  Definitely the latter.  Thus, here we go, 2013.  This will be one of the point in my life where I draw closer to Him.

Charles Chambers often says that the greatest hindrance to God's work is when we think we can do something for the Lord.  It is when we realize we cannot do a thing for Him.  We are empty handed and hopeless.  Then He begins to work in us....

Amen and AMEN!

Prayerful heart

It has been a while since I prayed like I did last night.

It is one of those moments where I felt referesh after praying.

Perhaps it is because of the busy-ness of going back to my routine back, I hadn't spend as much quiet time.

The quiet times are those I enjoy.  Especially when I am training.  Out on the road.  Even in the cold, the wind and in the snow.

Though my body is here, my mind and heart is in the other side of the world.  The faces.  The joy.  The heat.  Not sure what to say or how to describe it. 

A friend asked me earlier the week to name one thing I learnt from this trip.  No clue. I just mumble something. I am slow to process.  In my heart, I wanted to say I learnt everything.

I need to pray more and seek....

...pictures taken at an orphanage in Cambodia.

Prayer

I help lead my congregation's Wednesday Prayer Meeting.

Recently, I gather different prayer request from different people....

Here's one particularly touching:

I am doing as usual. After 3 deadly treatment, doctor ordered not to continue because CT scan showed that the chemical didn't work on my tumors, it will do more harm than treated. I had a lot of side effects but now some of them were gone after stopping the chemo. I am awaiting for the doctor's call to see if there is any other approach. It has been 5 weeks already and I haven't receive any call from him. My life is in God's hand and now I am fighting with my faith and mind set. My right shoulder still in great pain and I am taking painkiller every eight hours. The pain continue due to the crazy weather change and took too much steroids during chemo. One good thing is God gives me good appetite and I can still maintain my weight.

Please do continue to pray for me, I do need support from you all.

Prayer outside tonight

nice.

bit chilly.

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Quiet time with God

Gotta figure out how to take a video and rotate it right before uploading to youtube.  Until then you will have to watch the video on the side. Sorry :)

St James Town Mission Update: When God Provides

It is always helpful to us to fix our attention on the God-ward aspect of Christian work; to realize that the work of God does not mean so much man‘s work for God, as God‘s own work through man.

Hudson Taylor - A Retrospect

One of the fears I had with leading the St James Town Mission in August is that no one will show volunteered.  God, as always, surprised me.  For the past few weeks, there were a number of people in my congregation came and asked me for this mission trip.

To be honest, I haven't advertise as much as I should.  I had a lot of temptation to ask others to join.  Though I do not want to guilt trip them into coming.  This is God's mission...granted we all should partake in it...Great Commission...at the same time, one's heart should be right..and come from a clear calling from Him.

I was thinking of making a video and showing it before the congregation.  Among many things, I was rushing and trying to get done.  I remembered one Fri night I was so tired.  Instead, I just pray for God to provide workers.

Two Sundays ago, after service, an aunty came over and asked me about the mission trip.  She told me that her son was interested.  After introducing me to her son, we exchanged contact and I passed him an info package.  It was great.  I don't even know who he is.  

I am most happy to see the youth with such an eager to serve.  That's very encouraging. 

I read Hudson Taylor's book last Friday.  I transfered the PDF version into my phone and read it while I was out.  I finished the book in one day. It is only 100 pages.  Quite a short read.

What was amazing is how much faith Hudson Taylor has in God.  The two things that strike out is his dependence on God to provide and his prayer life.  

Hudson Taylor was one of the first missionary to go to China to shared the gospel in the late 1800s to early 1900s.  He had such a heart for Chinese and for the lost.  In order to train himself to be a missionary, he would voluntarily live in the poor neighborhood to train him to have faith and rely on Him.  

There was one time his boss forgot to pay him.  He purposely not remind his boss and chose to pray instead.  He had one last coin left and would have nothing left for next day's lunch.  He even gave it away to a family with a dying mother.  And God provided.  This is examples of someone who fully depended on God.  A lesson which I had to learn myself.

Time and time again, lessons like these would be the corner stone of him relying on God.  When I read his writing, I can see his gentleness and care for Chinese, a group of people he had nothing in common.  Not only that, he was sensitive to their culture and lifestyle.  He wore their clothes, learnt their language and even change his hair to match them.  From his book, there was only one focus.  Shared the gospel!!

He later started China Inland Mission (CIM).  China Inland Mission became Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF).

...

After reading about Hudson Taylor,  I realized I need to train myself to have more faith and rely on Him.  This St James Mission trip will be a good starting point.  In situation where I can choose to say more or do more, I will choose to pray instead.....

God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply.

Hudson Taylor - A Retrospect

North Korea: #1 Country of Christian Persecution

Open Door did a story on North Korea. Let's pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ who refuse to give up their faith and risk torture and death for our Savior...




You can send a message of hope by going here.

Open up my eyes

Yesterdays sermon, I was captured by one passage...

2 Kings 6

15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. "Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked.

16 "Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

17 And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

I prayed to the Lord that He can open my eyes so I can see....see Him working all around me. May I see beyond this world. May I see what You see.

Psalm 142 - Prayer for Help in Trouble

I am a deacon in my church in the English Congregation. The past week, as a leader I had to deal with a matter I never expected or seen. I have no direction exception laying it out before the Lord. I have been sitting and praying and listening to the Lord for Him to guide me.

So if you are reading this, please pray for me and my church as the issue is sensitive.

There is only one focus I desire...to strengthen up the Church and the body of Christ. This ain't just about me or what I desire. Rather I have to consider the future of my congregation and my church. There are new Christian and weak in faith that needs encouragement and strengthening.

To lay down my own agenda and have a somber mind and a clear conscience. To uphold the truth and the Gospel. May I have the wisdom to discern the Will of God. And after such discernment to act boldly and courageous with no fear nor shame. So 5,10 years from now, I can look at this point in life and see this is where God continue to be sovereign and work all things together for good. That this is where He mold and prune me to hold ever stronger to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.

Psalm 142 - Prayer for Help in Trouble...

I cry aloud with my voice to the LORD;

I make supplication with my voice to the LORD.

I pour out my complaint before Him;

I declare my trouble before Him.

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me,

You knew my path

In the way where I walk

They have hidden a trap for me.

Look to the right and see;

For there is no one who regards me;

There is no escape for me;

No one cares for my soul.

I cried out to You, O LORD;

I said, "You are my refuge,

My portion in the land of the living.

"Give heed to my cry,

For I am brought very low;

Deliver me from my persecutors,

For they are too strong for me.

"Bring my soul out of prison,

So that I may give thanks to Your name;

The righteous will surround me,

For You will deal bountifully with me."

What I should pray for...

A few weeks ago, in a sense of brokenness, I asked God to change my heart. It wasn't the fact that my life is not going well. I just feel unmotivated.

How often would I pray to God for external things or to change my external circumstances. Like for a new car if I do not have one or for better job if my boss sucks (he ain't, so that's cool).

And the funny thing is God will answer what we ask. Yet, how often we ask God to fix one part of our life. God does His thing. Then we move on and ask God to fix another point in our life. Is this who God is? The ever Fixer for our endless tasks on the To Do list?

What if the problem is not our circumstances or what we are facing.

What one need to be fixed is our heart?

What if the heart is the source of the problem? Even when we don't realize that it is broken and is sinful in the first place (Jeremiah 17)

The truth is external things will never satisfy us. What's external things? Food, money, sex, power, relationship...it is all sold to us as a false promise that satisfy.

Ok, let me take a step back. What if someone is a 'Christian' or going through struggle right now, should one pray for God to make things better?

What if to make things better is to ask the almighty God to change our heart instead of changing the circumstances?

And I keep thinking...well more like praying..for God to change my heart. Don't change my circumstances. Change my heart so I will rejoice in Him alone. Change my heart so I find delight in the ministry I was bestowed upon. Change my heart so I won't be distracted with earthly things and continue on seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness.

Our God is a great heart transplanter (Ezekiel 36:26). Our God is sovereign. And He answers our prayers (Matthew 7:7-12)

And that's crazy and exciting...because when God changes people's heart..they are transform. Need evidence? How about the twelve apostles? Or Peter. A fisherman who deny Jesus three times and later boldly proclaim the gospel in front of the eyes of Jesus' killers with no fear or hesitation. Or Paul, from a Christian killer to dying for Christ. WOW!

One of my seminary prof once said..."we have to be careful how we bargain with God..b/c He will give us exactly what we ask."

Dignity

"Why are you giving this to me in this place? Can't you see there are people I know around here?" - R replied as we are standing in an underground food court.

My friend was holding a sleeping bag that was for R. He was offended.

A good lesson on dignity. No one enjoys being a charity case. Nor do anyone wants to look down upon.

We pulled a chair over and chatted with R. He showed us some of the pictures he took. The Cavalcade of Lights. Great camera! The various things he had to dealt with living in the streets.

It is almost a year since I met R. I told my friend I tried not to treat this as a program or work. This is like going out with a friend. The exception is that this friend is not within my social circle. The exception is that none of my friend lived on the street. At the same time, I do not know too many people who have such care free lives.

I know very little of R. I pick up pieces here and there every time we talk. He ain't a case I am studying. This ain't homework. I ain't here to gather facts. At the same time, I ain't here to fix his life. That's not my job. It's His. Besides, I know I do not have the resources to do so. Knowing R, he probably want to do it his own way.

Today, he shared about how he lost his legs. He talked about the experience he had at the hospital. How he was suffering second and third degree burn to his legs. He was ready to go. Then the nurse didn't changed his dressing and he suffered gangrene. That's when he had to amputate his legs. The doctor didn't do a good job and he was bleeding afterwards and almost died.

It is a sad story. I am sad hearing this. I am also angry. Do I believe this is all truth? I don't know. Part of me do not. Though I believe what R said.

He then went on talking about the slow response of our social service. It took him a few months to get a motorized wheelchair.

Later, we showed him the sleeping bag. It was too small for him. I told him I would go and exchange a bigger one for him.

R then talked about how he hated it when people come and asked him why he didn't go indoor. He said that he hated to be looked like they are homeless. Sometimes I use this term, homeless, so loosely. To describe a group of people. Perhaps in the using this word, I place him in a group of people which the society so easily neglect nor concern about.

I often shake in disbelief in the affluent society that I live in people struggling to survive. Sure, I heard that if people needed help they can get help. And I am also sure that some people chose to live on the street. Yet, when I look around, I am sad. Sad to see people huddle in the cold. In vents in the streets. With little to eat.

When Jesus talked about loving our neighbors as ourselves, He also mention about feeding those who are hungry and dressing those who are naked (Matthew 25). Sometimes I think that's easy to do good. I can drop a sleeping bag to R and then move on. Clearly this is good. However, is it loving?

The irony about the goats in Matthew 25 is that the least were right in front of their eyes and they cannot see.

I learnt a lesson on dignity today. One that I will keep.

I told R that I got the sleeping bag for him because it is FREAKING cold (not just cold but freaking cold). The weather tonight is -20 plus (or minus!). That's cold.

So I pray for R. That the Lord will continue go after his heart. That despite the circumstance, he will find joy and peace through our Saviour.

And I long for the day to come. The day when there is no more suffering. The new heaven and new earth. The Kingdom of God...

when....

The wolf and the lamb will feed together,

and the lion will eat straw like the ox,

but dust will be the serpent's food.

They will neither harm nor destroy

on all my holy mountain,"

says the LORD. (Isaiah 65:25 NIV)

Olé! Olé! Olé!

...centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa, people used to get together for moonlight dances celebrating sacred entities that would go on for hours and hours. Every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen and one of the performers would be imbued with something transcendent.

"And I know you know what I’m talking about," she said. "Because I know you’ve all seen at some point in your life a performance like this."

It’s as if time stopped, and the dancer stepped through a portal. He wasn’t doing anything different than he’d done a thousand times before, but for some reason everything was aligned and he no longer appeared to just move. Instead, he seemed to be lifted from within and below.

"And when this happened, people knew it for what it was," she said. "They called it by its name. They’d put their hands together and would start to chant Allah, Allah. ‘God, God.’"

As an aside, she noted that when the Moors invaded southern Spain they brought this custom with them, but the pronunciation changed over the centuries from chanting Allah, Allah, Allah to chanting Ole, Ole,Ole, which is now heard at bullfights and flamenco dances when a performer does something incredible.

(Source: TED: Eat, Pray, Love Author on How to Kill Geniuses)

Ryan Hall, a Christian Marathon runner, describe this in his video. His desire for the Boston marathon was to run in such a way that people will chant Olé or God. When I think about the upcoming Transplant Games, that's all I can think about. Everyone ask me am I excited. I even told my Pastor that I think I can get a gold. However, looking back, these games, these races, the training, the ups and downs. The anxiety. All I can think about is pointing people to God.

Lord, may I race not for prestiege or medal.

For one doesn't satisfy and the other rust.

May people not see my strength, but Your Strength.

May I race free from expectation, from pressure and rejoice in Your Presence.

May Your Spirit work mightily through my broken body.

I am not ashame. For I know You shine the brightest among the brokeness!

I will not be tied down by anything. On the course, it will be me and my Savoiur.

May my performance bring joy in Your Sight.

Not by might. Nor by power. Only by the Spirit.

When the heart wants to go one way

and God wants me to go the other...

"God...you know how my heart feel(think?). What you are showing me right now is a path where I don't really want to go. It feels like a struggle. You know the burden that I have. But I know you are a good God. For you have provided and protected me many times. Who am I to challenge where you want me to go. So if it's Your Will, then I will as well. Please change my heart. Grant me the desire to continue to follow you and use me as You see fit."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a (A)time for every event under heaven--

A time to give birth and a (B)time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A (C)time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to (D)weep and a time to (E)laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to (F)dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to (G)be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to (H)hate;

A time for war and a time for peace.

Prayer Jog...walk!?!

Yesterday, I decided to go out for a jog.

I am very out of shape. I haven't run since the Half Ironman I did a week and a half ago. Fitness drops sharply when we don't exercise.

A jog quickly become a puffing content and I decided to walk instead.

As I walked around my neighborhood, I asked many things.

I was thinking how to reach those who live in Mississauga. My city. There were families of diverse culture and race in the playground. A couple was in front of their driveway describing the workers who were laying bricks. A bunch of kids in their soccer uniforms gathered around a basketball net. A cat sat quietly underneath a car without a care in the world.

There were many people taking an evening stroll. Kids were riding their bikes. Teenagers on their cell phone laughing and chatting.

I wondered how many of them know who Jesus is. How many of them are being reach or pray upon? How many of them are seeking? Do they know the Kingdom is coming?

So I walked and I prayed. I seek and ask. Where my King goes and I will go.

A passion for the city

Tonight I had a great privilege to be part of the a short term mission training in my church.

It was a spirit-filled time. Lots of laughter, sharing and praying. The team is made up of majority youths and I am excited to see the values we are instilling among the youths (that prayer is key in mission, all Christians are missionary, going to church, tithing, does not make you a Christian etc.)

Great times...as I hear them pray, they are focus on letting God to transform them and lead by the Holy Spirit.

We went onto a discussion about revival. The question was ask...how come there is no revival in Mississauga..

and the answer is very clear (if not painful).

- we don't pray enough
- we don't think it is important
- we don't care
- we are too busy

.....

so as I was riding my bike back home. In my city. In my neighborhood. I cannot stop and wonder...when was the last time I pray for Mississauga? Rare was the answer....

All great things start with prayer....and from our knees (ain't my quote...i summarize from another missionary).

Reminder...

The purpose of writing this paper is to be objectively about myself, my intent and my actions.

It is not to set up a pedestal for Cliff to stand upon and give a pat on his back for a job well done.

After weeks of meddling. Weeks of thinking, discerning, praying. Weeks of opening up a blank page and reading and re-reading on books and commentaries. The thoughts start to flow onto the paper.

Last night, I put down all my thoughts, observation and my reflection. There was one idea that stood out more so than the others.

May I have the heart to feel what God is trying to speak to me in this paper.

More Panera Bread and coffee tonight... :D

Prayer..

God,

I thank you for all that you blessed me beyond my means.

I thank you for all the things that you have given to me. Even things I am not aware of.

I thank you for forgiving me and not ignore me when I purposely displease you with my act.

I thank you for your compassion and love. For during the tough times, I am reminded for your ever gentleness. For giving me a task to do, even many times I have proven unworthy in your eyes.

I prayed for you to give me strength for what you wish me to do. And the strength be proportion to the task.

I prayed for boldness and endurance to stay radical in your name. May my action be a sacrifice that is a blessing in your eyes.

I am delighted to be in your court and marvel at your laws. May you reminded me and convict me so that I will never be led astray.

If it is Your Will Lord, then I will as well....