Mercy and Grace

Of all the lessons and reflection on God's Mercy and Grace, I still think I still live in a life of expectations, performance and works.

I remember a prof use to say that looking back, if he's going to error, he will error in grace.

As a do-er (I am a high D on DISC), the frustration that comes often is relate to doing.  This is not righteous anger or holy discontent.  In a way, it is a matter of self pride and maintain self worth by compare myself better than others.

It is as simply as..

• I am right because God is with me. (shouldn't it be God is right and I am with Him instead)
• I am better than the other person because..they don't _____ [pray, serve, worship, go to fellowship] 
• God, I am doing soo much for you..how come they don't do it and still come to you.  That's totally unfair. (what if God give grace to them just as much as I am..what's diff does it make?)
• I am right and you are wrong and here are the reasons..... (discouragement without a route or a path for reconciliation....definitely lack of grace and mercy).

Perhaps that's why the worship song like Unashamed is soo good...because it brings me down to my knees and to realize that..hey..Cliff you a sinner and you suck just like anyone else.. Do you remember when you were drunk when you were in rage when you were bitter?  Didn't God offer grace to you?  So why would you not do the same to those who wrong you or in-different from you?

By not forgiving others, the ultimate person that hurt is myself.  It is painful and the bitterness that never fades away.  That's why forgiveness and grace is so good.  It help each of us to let go of those wrong doings.  The times when we wrong others and the times when they 'wrong' us.  Forgiving others and being forgiven should be the commonality in a Christian circle.  

Strangely, we sometimes at church live in a performance model where we hid our sins and pretend to be righteous and 'holy'.  In a way, you have your sins and I have mine.  Don't come and open my sins and I won't do the same.

Some say that you have to repent first for God to bless you.....perhaps, it is through God's graciousness that we can repent....and a heart transformed by the Holy Spirit can forgive and repent freely.  Because we have a security that our heavenly Father is rich in mercy, love and compassion.

To be honest, still not sure how i can represent this in my church and my circle of influence.  Sometimes it feels so easy to just stop trying when you see others are not the same.  This is where I need to get back to how God changed my life....hmm ... :O)

Why do we have to die to get to heaven?

D asked me this question...

Why do we have to die in order to get to heaven? Why do we have to die in order to attain a good life?

I stopped eating my pho, put my chop sticks down, looked squarely into D's eyes in which I replied....

You are asking the wrong question.  The question we should all be asking to ourselves is why do God willing to let His Son died for us to get to heaven?  

Then I go on explaining God's Grace.  Ridiculous Grace.  As Tim Keller called it, the Prodigal God (Prodigal meaning someone who spends recklessly, freely, extravagant).

This is how we are saved.

Though pho might not be spiritual food....I am thankful for a spiritual conversation among a Vietnamese dish!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

Agendas and expectation

Each of us has our own agendas.

A wise Christian sister said that prior to my vision quest to Cambodia earlier this year.

It is true.  When it comes to serving God, we have expectations on what we might view as the right way.  God's way of doing things.  And sometimes, our motives, at times we might consider as pure and noble, can be clouded with pride, discord and our own insecurities.  When things don't act the way we desire, we become upset and even bitter.  Toward ourselves, toward each other and toward God.

I am once reminded of Jonah.  After swallowing up by the big fish, he was released on the shore and went to Ninevah to do what he should have done in the beginning.  After 'preaching', using this term loosely as he only spoke a few words (Jonah 3:4), he went out of the city (4:5) and expected God to rain down brimstone and fire to smite these 'heathens'.

Instead, God did none of that.  God even gave a vine to to shelter Jonah from the scorching sun (4:7).  God also sent a worm to killed the vine (4:8).  Now Jonah wanted to die.  He was angry and upset.  He was so angry he wanted to die.

It is at this point God reveals Jonah's heart.  It shows, Jonah, a servant of God, his own agenda and his expectation of God is so vastly different than who God is.

I am sure in Jonah's head, or his concept of God's justice makes sense.  After all, doesn't God hates sin and wickedness? Of course.  Isn't God a just God?  Indeed.  Surely, He would not stand idle by against His people's enemies......

...and this is precisely where God's Grace shines brightly.  He cares for the one hundred and twenty thousand, those who can't tell right from wrong.  God has His agenda and He expects His servants to obey them....not the other way around.

...

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” 

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” 

But the LORD said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

Jonah 4:9-10

...

I am reminded of myself and my past experiences...had I ever expected God to punish someone?  When something bad happen to someone, in my heart am I rejoicing, 'yay, this is God's deliverance at work'?  And when the path of reconciliation is appearing before me, is my heart harden and bitter with the outcome?

All these emotions and thoughts are just a form of pride.  Surely I can say and I probably say, I am not prideful. I am a great Christian because I ______ (go to seminary, serve in church, read the Bible, pray, do devotion, work hard, don't drink swear watch porn take drugs...etc.) and the question I asked myself is...'if I am not prideful, how come I not embrace reconciliation and try to hinder it?'

Grace

This is taken from an email I sent earlier today...I figure this is a good example of God's Grace.

...I remembered my friend's father said that in the wedding as well.  When we are faithful to Him, He will be faithful to us.  I understand where this is coming from (Old Testament reference, God is our heavenly father). BUT I think God is faithful to us even when we are unfaithful to Him!  I know it sounds ridiculous..but this is how much grace God has. His love is unconditional.  When I was in Australia, the message that opened my eyes and my heart is in Romans 5:6-7, when Paul wrote, Yet while we were still His enemies, Christ died for us. Isn't that crazy?  And it makes sense b/c Jesus died on the cross 2000 yr before I was born!  That's amazing GRACE.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:6-8

I know there is a tendency to fear that when we say this, we will sin b/c we know God is so faithful.  If you want to find out if we should keep sinning after realizing His love for us, you can read what Paul writes in Romans 6...but i think this pushes us to love God more.  It is when we realize how much the love of our Father has for us...even when we wronged Him (like how i got drunk etc.)....that I can come before Him.  Now I realize this, why would i go sin again when i know that will break His heart....Grace triumphs.

In a way, it is almost like this.... u know how your parents will treat you like a dessert  if you finish your homework. That's conditional.  If you don't finish your homework, you don't get your dessert...that's the laws, that's all religion.

Jesus came and over throw everything.  This is like you have your dessert first.  Then because you had this tasty dessert, you do your homework with joy.  That's Jesus.  He love us regardless of what we do or done.  This is Grace.

Grace and works

Not intended as pun, our world view does make us 'view' the world differently.

Since I done an Ironman in 2007, a lot of my friends and love ones often congratulate me and asked me how is it possible for me to 'work' to earn this Ironman.  In our society, the idea that you have to work to earn it is very strong.  If you want to get a better job, you need to take more courses and work your way to the top.  Find the girl of your dreams? Well, you better impress her with lots of gifts, surprises, be funny and be charming.  To have a comfortable lifestyle with your dream vacation/house/car, you better work for it.

I can see the same world view apply to my triathlon, racing experience as well.  I have to work hard to race hard.  

The more I see God is at work in my life, the more my world view change.  I started to see the Ironman and my races as nothing more than gifts.   It is a gift given to me.  Not that I really work at to earn them.  It is grace given to train hard.  It is a free gift to participate in the race.

It is truly grace...granted, this is a small tiny analogy of God's grace of coming to earth to establish His Kingdom.

Just a random thought as I prepared a Bible Study on Matthew 5..the Beatitudes...

Jesus said..in Matthew 5:17:

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

Emphasizing on Jesus as the ONE who comes to fulfill.  Not for us who work our way to complete them.


When I see how God 'works' in my life, there is only one response...REJOICE.

Ten seconds of Grace

Is she trying to cut into my lane?


How dare she? 


She is on the left turn lane.


She must be one of those people who drive on the left turn lane and change lane in the last minute to cut through the traffic.

I hate people like that.  Break the rules so they can gain ahead. 

It is so unfair. 


She must be looking for some poor sucker to let her in.  Well, I ain't going to be that sucker.

I don't like being use.  Stuck in traffic on a Friday after work.  We are all trying to head back home.  The sun is strong and is beating down on us.

As I and many drivers sit there waiting for the red.  I glance at this car trying to turn into my lane.  No wonder why she stops so far behind the car in front of her.  She is trying to get more space to turn into my lane.

...

No one is going any where.

It is at this pivotal point, I thought about grace. The sermon that I listen to again and again about grace and forgiveness.

Grace is to give a gift to someone who don't deserve it.

...

So I should show her grace?  Why?  She has no right.  I am in control.  I have the power.  I can simply nudge my car a bit forward.  Cut her off.  Or I can turn my head when she looks over to indicate I won't let her pass.

...

It is funny how a little drive back home can bring a lesson of grace back home even more.

A daily occurrence in life reflects a darker sinister part of the soul.  The part that loves the sinful nature....

...

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Galatians 5:16-25

...

I understand now.  I breathe in and relax a bit.  I will let her pass.

Before the light turns green, the car, instead of turning into my lane, sped up and getting ready to make a turn to the left...

I reflected on the thoughts and the emotions I just gone through.

Surely, if I offer her 'grace', how much would it cost me?  Maybe ten more seconds on the road?

These ten seconds reveal to me more about myself and my sinful nature....

...

Funny how in those few seconds of my life, I understand more clearly on what it means to offer grace than all the sermons and books I read.....

Paul...did mention Galatians 5:13 to love your neighbor as yourself.  In that letter, Paul's context are those within the church.  Surely, this can be apply to outside of church as well....

AMEN!!!

A stranger to forgiveness and grace

I admit I am still a stranger when it comes to forgiveness and grace.

I was listening to Tim Keller's sermon  (the sermon is And Kissed Him. One of the seven series on The Prodigal God.) on forgiveness. There is a few part of the sermon that struck me.  He said that we might know how to forgive in our head but if we are still holding on grudge and pride, we do not understand forgiveness at all.

And I have to admit, there is still a part of me that want to hold onto that.  I don't want to forgive.  Why should I go make peace?  I have my rights.

When it comes to God reconciling us back to Him, He takes the initiative.  In Tim Keller's words, God is aggressive and assertive in forgiving us.  We ought to do the same to those who wrong us.

Forgiving...is not often in financial means.  Often it is in pride and dignity.  And I can feel myself struggle with this.

Why should I go?  Oh I know I am wrong but I really don't want to go and make peace.  Let alone apologize. I can feel my pride hovering over me.  Like a net holding me down in bitterness and anger.  A video tape running in my head over and over again.  Trap by it.

So last night, while waiting for a bus, I thought about God's grace.  Jesus come down from heaven into the world knowing fully He will died on the cross.  He knows He has to do it.  It wasn't an accident or by chance.  It was God's Sovereign plan.   Someone has to pay and Jesus paid for it. He didn't back down.  He didn't run away.  He was so innocent and He took it because that's what it takes to bring me back to Him.

In His eyes, I am more precious than all the stars in the universe.  All the living creation in the world.

hmmm...if that doesn't change my heart..I am afraid nothing will (the good news is that looking at some of the relationship I had to make right this year...it did changed my heart.....

...and so here I stand.  Still a stranger when it comes to  forgiveness and grace...even when I am bestowed by the Mighty One. I am still just a stranger.  I am still spiritually immature.

Justice and Grace

A while ago, when my church had a disagreement.  People started putting up sides.  Preparing to defend based on what they heard and seen.

I was angry, too.  I remembered saying, 'I want justice.'

As weeks go on, I reflected on it.  I feel the pain and the sadness.  I no longer want justice.  I desire grace.

A lot of justice and no grace feels hallow.  Sure the battle is won.  I just feel empty inside.  And I can see everyone else is tired too.  Tired and weary souls.  Carrying on everyday with a hope of something better.

Sometimes at the pursuit of truth, do we forgo the thoughts of mercy, grace and reconciliation?

That's what been dwelling in my mind recently.

I can be upset.  I can be angry.  I can feel my blood boil.  I want to shout. I want to find out the culprit and make them pay.  ...but a little part of me ask..so what.

When the dust settles, we left with ruins and everything a mess.  People have justice and they are scarred inside.  The cost might just be too high.

I am not afraid of the truth.  Though a part of me is skeptical about the truth.  Not the Biblical Truth. I mean, the truth what someone thinks is right or wrong.  Perhaps this is coming from a post modern culture.  Everyone says what they think is truth.  The reality is there is no truth.  No fact is objective because everything is subjective.  Maybe this is the democratic belief we live in, we all believe we have our rights and our voices heard.  Those who speak louder, tended to be heard.

I believe what I believe based on the truth I was given.  Or I choose to twist the truth to believe what I want to believe.  Everyone carries a curved lens and try to prove to another that they are seeing straight.  Even if we are as earnest in fixing the problem.

In a situation fill with raging emotions and anger, truth is truth.  It is a minor t.  It is no longer truth.

Jesus offers something better.  He offers justice with love and grace and mercy.  He welcomes us regardless who we are.  He elevates us when we are down and calls us as His friends.  He calls us to make peace with our brothers and sisters.  He calls to pray for our enemies.  He calls us to not fight back.  He assures us the Heavenly Father will take care of us.  He shows us what it means to reconcile relationships even at our very own expense (He, the innocent man died on the cross for a crime He didn't commit).

The name of the game is not about who is right or who is wrong.  Not about who gets to sit next to Him.  It is about to serve one another. To support one another.  Before Him, we are all wrong anyways.  What justice is it for Him to died for us?  One can almost say that's 'injustice'.  God let His innocent Son died for us.  Why shouldn't that serve as a way for us to love one another?

hmm..I wish I take back what I said.  Given what I gone through right now and the unseen-able future, I would say, "I want grace"

Because when I want justice, with no grace, I know I will lose in the long run.

Samson, a man of faith!?!

A long long time ago, my English Pastor wore a wig on the pulpit.  It was pretty funny.  The sermon was about how Samson's strength is not from his hair but from God.

(Source: Wikipedia)

In most of the lessons I learnt, whether  from Sunday School or fellowship, at the end of it is that we shouldn't be like Samson.  After all, we had one of the judges who kept disobeying God.

He married a Philistine (Israelites at that time are not suppose to have foreign relationships) [Judges 14:3]
He ate honey from a lion carcass when he is not suppose to touch from the dead or unclean (look at Judges 13:5, then Judges 14:8).
He slept with a prostitute (Judges 16:1).

It came to the point that even the Lord left him (Judges 16:20)

The lesson often ended with Samson captured by Philistines and was punished for his disobedience.

Lesson? Don't be a Samson.  Obey the Lord.....

...

Today during the sermon, the guest speaker preached on Hebrews 11.  There was one passage that caught my eyes:

And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 

Hebrews 11:32-34

The author of Hebrews put Samson on the same level as Gideon, David, Samuel and other prophets.  If Samson is such a bad example, why did author of Hebrews do that?

When we look at Samson's life, we should also look at the end.

Then Samson prayed to the LORD, "O Sovereign LORD, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes." Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived.

Judges 16:28-30

I want to highlight the text -> please strengthen me just once more.  This is a clear indication that Samson realized his strength came from the Lord, not from himself.

If we roll back a few chapters when the prostitute asked him what's his source of power, this was his reply:

..If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.

Judges 16:17b

So what's the lesson....a big lesson is God's character.  He gives so much grace. He even give Samson strength to do what he wished at the end.

We also see Samson's change of heart.  He rose as a judge and disobeyed God and relied on himself.  It was at the end when he realized his strength came from above.  From self-centered to God-centered.

I am still pondering what the author of Hebrews is considering Samson as.  In verse 32, he listed out six people:  Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel...

In verse 33-34, he listed accomplishments through faith:

• conquered kingdoms
•  administered justice
• gained what was promised 
• who shut the mouths of lions
• quenched the fury of the flames
• escaped the edge of the sword
• whose weakness was turned to strength

I wonder if the list of names is related to the list of accomplishments. Wonder what Samson's accomplishment was....

Today, I am changed by the perspective of who Samson was.  What a beautiful story.  A man that was as far away from God, through a changed of heart, ended his life to be considered as a man of faith.

Grace, mercy, forgiving one another

A chat from last night with a friend...

"look, you might make a point about a decision which I disagree. But in your eyes it might make perfect sense. What should I do? Should I tell you that your point is wrong? What if you did try your best? Should I tell you you ain't working hard enough? But in your eyes you are doing the best that you can.


How can I encourage you? Pointing what you did wrong when you think you are doing your best is the worst way to encourage you. It ain't encouraging at all...."

"look, I have to accept you for who you are...I cannot tell you to change when you are trying your best and you are honest and sincere with what you are doing? What should I do?"

...

Hmm..more thoughts on grace...mercy..and encouraging one another...

We might have conflicts...with families...with friends...with fellowship...with church members...

This is not new. In the epistles, Paul wrote again and again..do good...treat each other better than yourself....love your neighbors.  If anyone thinks the church is a place without conflicts, take a look at First Corinthians.   There were so much disagreement.  Some follow different apostles.  Some got drunk at Communion.  Someone slept with his step mom!

And the people problems..might not be new either....right after the fall and Adan and Eve is removed from the garden of eden, we see the first murder. Jacob and Essau. Joseph and his older brothers.  The Old Testament shows how the fall from Adam and Eden affect every generation after.   The separation of man and God lead to us devouring one another (another point that I can't love my neighbors unless I love God..and to love God is only done by God showing me how much He loved me first)

...

A while ago, one of my professors said that if he ever be error on the side between judgement and grace..he will error on the side of grace.  So easy to say.  Such hard to do.

Especially when someone cut you off.  Deliberately wrong you and take advantage...and they go to church (arrgh..shouldn't Christian knows better?!?!)..

These thoughts go in my head over and over.  Like a movie clip that broadcast over and over again.

...

Is this the life that we are called from?  To hold a grudge and bitterness against my brothers and sisters?  Because this is how the way the world works.

You cut me.  I will cut you off.  Can't let you hurt me again.  I will be such a fool to get cheated again.

It is your fault.  Not mine.  I have all the facts.  I know the truth.  This is why you are wrong.  This is how you are wrong.  So now you gotta fix it.  I won't do anything until you do something.  So I am going to sit here and watch you suffer. (though I won't say it..I can feel it boiling underneath my skin) - the I am standing on my porch and I am right and I won't come down unless you come to me.

I guess with what I seen in church, in my own life...I reflected a lot on what Jesus said....

• Proactive in making peace (Matthew 5:21-26)
• Love your enemies...Pray for them. (Matthew 5:43-48)
• Forgive your brother and sister..how many times?  Seventy-Seven! (Matthew 18:22) [I think the number seven is considered as a perfect number in Jewish culture.  It took seven days for God to create the world. Jesus is perhaps emphasizing the infinite times to forgive.  Like..not 100% but 100000%.]

If there is anything..I need more grace than judgement.  God gave me grace.  He didn't come with stick and punish for all my sins (we all know that if He does..none of us are qualify to have a relationship with Him [Romans 5..we are all enemies before Christ]).  Yet He is so gentle to me.  And this is the radical God that called me out of the dark, clothed me with His blood..and the One that I  followed.

I live on Salvation by Grace.  
Not salvation by truth (or judgement or 'righteous' living).

Sometimes I do wonder why I am so upset at others all the time.  God already forgiven me and pardoned my sins.  Shouldn't I do the same to others? What's the big deal?  The only thing I really need is His Relationship. Perhaps I am still depending on getting respect from others......

Rethinking Christian Growth and Salvation by Grace

Perhaps this is coming from the culture where we have to work hard to get things we want.  Like study hard in school, to get good grades and get recognize.  Work hard at work to make the big bucks to have a better life.  At the thought of something to gain without 'working' with our own merit almost seem inconceivable.

Just thinking like this, my mind spontaneously jump into a defensive mode and start to protect the idea that the good things in my life, I have to earn hard to get them.  Perhaps this defensive barrier is to prevent me from being lazy.  Perhaps it is a mask of a deeper self, the frailty of a self esteem that my whole world will crumble apart if I do not consider what I am worth base on what I do (and what I work).

And this is so easily seen in my life.  Like at work.  What my boss and coworkers will think if I go before them, instead of proofing my worth to the company, of all the projects I done, all the great feedback from customers...and simply tell them, I am not worthy to work here. I am unqualified and unskilled for my job.

Where I will boast at my own self worth, I will boast in my own self less.

That will be madness.  Worst career advice ever.

Yet, reflecting of the past few years walking with Christ.  Being called by Him.  Following Him.  Learning to yearn for Him.  I start to see this is the path that I took...more like revealed, in order to draw close to Him. The path of ever decreasing self.

And this throws my self esteem out the door.  Things that I once consider valuable.  I no longer desire.  Things I do that to proof my worth or my existence, I no longer do.

To come to this state of brokenness, an empty pocket, is the state where I see the hope in following Christ.  It is at this point where I have nothing to give, the Cross, the gospel shines the brightest.

As I reflected on Tullian's post, Growth by Remembering, I am ever reminded what it means to be saved by Grace.

A lot of times, at church, I hear when people felt they are falling away from God and wish to get back to Him, often, they will say to read more the Bible, to pray more, to care more for others or to serve more.  I wonder if we are talking more about salvation by work.

I got to read more of the Bible to earn God's love.
I got to pray more so He will come to me.
I got to take care of others, love my neighbors, so God will love me.
I got to serve more at church.

It seemed to point more to Me center with good moral works to earn God's love than a Gospel Center, Jesus radical sacrifice type of reconciliation.

As I read the Bible, God doesn't need this type of earning to get His Love.  He is recklessly giving them freely. Note: I use the word, reckless, and I know it might offend others.  But that's how merciful and how forgiving God is...He is reckless in showing His Loving Kindness.

And the self centered-ness is ever more 'focus' when I have a desire to come draw closer to God (sanctification).  I know I have a tendency and a temptation to strut my stuff.  How true, especially in the church.  To show others I am praying more, I am reading more Bible, I am Godly.....all to boast one thing, that I am a strong Christian.

If we go to heaven and tell God that we should go in because of what we done at church, at our fellowship, at my own time, at reading the Bible...everything and anything except having faith that Jesus Christ saved me, we will not enter the Kingdom.  After all, Jesus says He is the Truth and the way.  No one else goes to the Father other than through Him. I won't understand salvation by grace. I didn't understand I am broken and condemn before His Holy One.  I would simply follow Jesus as a teacher. A moral example.  But not as a Savior.

The irony twist is, as I recall the experience where I am gung ho reading the Bible and having the ever desire to pray and to care for others, it is after experiencing and realizing Jesus did everything on the Cross for me.  Without Him, I could never have a relationship with God.  To even called Him Father.  No matter how hard I try, how much I work, I can never paid the difference of my sins.  I am utterly broken and worthless before Him.

At this point of desperation, what I call, cracked by God, it is here the Cross and the gospel shines so much brighter.  I see our Father so gently take me back.  I see His master plan of doing everything for me.  His gentleness in not disciplining me but lift me back up.  His Son so obedient to die on the Cross. Not for what He done.  But for what I committed.

When I rejoice in this, all the 'spiritual' stuff, Bible study, prayer, repent, reconciliation....oh that's just so easy. It is burden off my shoulder.  Why would I go anywhere else when we see what Jesus had done for me?

As I read this:

Christian growth doesn’t happen by working hard to get something you don’t have. Christian growth happens by working hard to live in the reality of what you do have. - Tullian Tchividjian

It just makes so much sense.  It doesn't matter what I do now or in the future.  Because none of it really matters when it comes to having a relationship with a Living God.  Everything is already done on the Cross.  I don't and can't add anything more.  Jesus sacrificial death really is one sacrifice for all.  The hard part is not trying to do more or be more.  But to keep realizing this reality and the circumstances I found myself in.  Even if the sky is falling down, my world is falling apart, it is ok because my security is not lie in my strength but by His Sacrifice.

Jesus already done everything for me, for us.  What more can I ask for?

I think the next time someone asked me how to draw closer to God...yes we should pray..we should read the Bible...MORE importantly, we should just stop and reflected on how much God has done for us.  Not what we can do for Him.

AMEN!!

Easter, Cross, Surprise by Grace

At my church, every Good Friday we have a morning service.

Last year, before the Good Friday service I was doing hill repeats (running up and down a hill). It was at that point I told myself, 'I hope whenever I think about the Cross, I will always be in awe.'

Last night at fellowship we were sharing how the Cross impact us from a year or two ago.

It is amazing when I was shown by past experience. My own pain and my fault. Do I started to take in as to what I learn at Church.

Last Sept, I went to Australia to participate in the World Transplant Games. Afterwards, I backpacked for two weeks. There was one passage that convicted me. It was Romans 5:6-11. Here's the post reflecting on that experience.

It was that passage and reflecting of my pasts that God shown me how helpless I was. Not only did I act against Him. But the active enjoyment of rebelling against the Holy One that hurt even more.

I was broken. My hands were dirty. There's nothing I can do to mend things. And at this point of despair that I looked up and caught the glimpse of the redeeming power of the Cross. It was Jesus who had to died on the Cross. His death, a shameful death, is the only solution for a justly God to deal with our sins. Jesus had to bear the Father's wrath for us so that we can stand right before God.

It was at the exact time I was rejoicing. Jesus done everything that needed to be done. For why Jesus would bear the death on a cross for such a worthless soul like me, I will never know. But all I can see before my teary eyes is a God that is merciful, full of love and gentleness. Indeed, He is my Abba Father.

A reckless Father who will stop at nothing to reconcile His enemies (me!). Even to the point of giving up His only Son.

Until the Holy Spirit brought me to a low low place where I stood among the darkness of my sins, I could not comprehend the saving power of the Cross. It was at the point where I had no where to go. When conviction overwhelm my pride and my ego. The conviction of the truth of my nature. God revealed His awesome power of Grace.

I was startled.

I rejoice!

Once again, I pray to my Father that I will never forget the sight of the Cross. That despite all my inequities...

When I am selfish.

When I judge others.

When I think I am better or more important than them.

When I give them the cold shoulder because I have something against them.

When I lie to move ahead.
When I am the rich man and forgot about Lazarus.

When I am the rich fool who build a bigger barn.

When I am a Pharisee.

When I indulged in drunkenness.

When I cursed.

When I brought shame to Christ.

When I am self righteous.

That the power of the Cross still overwhelm. Because our Father is graceful. No matter how far I run away from Him. It will never be far from His reach. And His Grace is ever amazing.

AMEN!

Grace

I've been listening to Tim Keller's sermons on the Parable of the Prodigal Son.

One of the common theme that pops up is the idea of grace.

I don't want to dig in too much right now as I am considering to do a series of posts on this parable and looking at diff characters and themes.

Though the idea of grace is as simple as, well God did something for you without you require to do anything.

Yet the idea only start to dig in when I reflected against the struggles (sins) of my life. These struggles are often painful. And reflect on those painful moments where I have wronged God. Abandon Him. Run walked away. Yet God's Grace does not stop and keep on coming.

How wonderful and beautiful is that. His Grace free me from myself.

Where I use to condemn myself for my own actions,

I am free by His Grace.

Where my faulty actions destroy my self esteem,

I am free by His Grace.

Where I was enslaved by own emotions (anger, hate, bitterness, jealous, vengeance, self righteousness [disguise as 'justice']) and expectation from myself and others,

I am free by His Grace.

When I think I have to do this or that (go to church, pray, read the Bible, go to fellowship etc.) to be consider as a 'good' Christian,

I am free by His Grace.

And so I am here soaking at this thought. Not just in the head. Also in the heart. In awe by how great God is....not only does He goes after the unrighteous but also the 'righteous' ones.

Tim considered God as a Prodigal God because how God lavishly give Grace to the undeserve. I think God is a reckless God. Though the word, 'reckless' can be a negative connotation (just as Tim thinks prodigal is a negative connotation).

God is reckless because He goes all out to grab hold of the lost. He doesn't stop. He doesn't hold back. He goes 100% and plus more. He even give up His Only Son!!!

And I am just have this great joy to see just the glimpse of what Grace is.

And I am a Christian. Because even though my own actions I mess things up and cannot fix, Christ took care of everything on the Cross so I can not only be made right but to clothe in His riches Majesty as His co-heir and welcomed into His Kingdom.

Grace.

A promise of God's Grace: A Prodigal God

I've been listening to Tim Keller's sermons on the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) for the past week. Today I loaded all of them up on my dad's iPod Shuffle (I am testing it for him :P) and hit the trails.

One of Tim's sermons was entitled, The True Older Brother (Luke 15:17-32).

To give a quick background of the parable, the older brother represents the Pharisees. Tim then pointed out that Jesus is speaking to his enemies (the Pharisees).

This is a transcript taken at around 26 min mark in the sermon:

The very end of this story is wonderful....because we don't just see the father pleading to his older son. We see Jesus Christ pleading with his enemies....to the people who are going to kill Him...and what does He do?

Does He say, 'you bast**d!'

Does he scream at them? Does he yell at them?

Listen to it, 'my son, my child. I know you try hard. I know you work very hard.

On the one hand, this parable is a punch between the eye.

You don't understand the very purpose of the Father. You think you are close to God.

Don't you understand everybody lost here. You have good people lost and bad people lost. Everyone is lost....

He is not pulling any punches. Yet He is so tender. He is so patient.

.....

Jesus didn't fight back. Just like the father react to the older brother in the parable, He pleaded with them. He asked them to come back.

And who else are Jesus' enemies? You and I.

Tim brought Romans 5:8-10

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

Then it dawned on me. I can recall those times when I was the older brother. The smugness of being a Christian. Looking down at those who do not know the Lord. Or at church, looking down at others because they aren't 'strong' Christian. Or using my Bible knowledge to shot someone down to boost my pride. Asking the Lord, why is this person getting xyz when I have been so faithful.

Oh the anger of the older brother. The fury of the older brother. The rebellion nature of the older brother. I was there. I've been there.

And yet, what did Jesus do to me? He didn't scold me. Nor did He punished me. He didn't even struck me down. He didn't ask for me to pay Him back (not that I can). He was gentle. He was patient. He pleaded with me. He even gave me ministry for His Will.

What did the father say to the older son in the Parable?

..you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.. (Luke 15:31b)

Everything the Father has is mine. Wow. Materially I might not have much. But this is the heavenly Father we are speaking. The glorious riches that is hidden in the eyes of this world.

And really at the end of the day, what do I really seek...the reconciliation of a broken relationship with the Father. And Jesus already mend that. He mended it on the cross.

And here's the ironic twist. For God to reconcile us, His enemies, back to fellowship with Him, He had to severed the relationship with His very own Son:

Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46)

When I heard that, I was filled with tears.

How can a God be so generous for the younger brother and the older brother?

It took one righteous man to die for the unrighteous. A innocent lamb has to be slain for the guilt of the world.

And I have the privilege of being in a relationship with a Father that have so much grace, it overflows.

At the sight of the Cross, I see my sins that cause Jesus to bleed and die such a humiliating death.

I cry.

Because there is no other way.

At the sight of the Cross, I see a reckless God that is willing to do anything and everything to bring me back to Him.

I rejoice.

Because He considered me more worthy than all the stars in the universe.

And who am I to deserve such riches beyond comprehension!

Humiliation and affirmation on the cross..nothing else!

What mature Christian do...

From Tim Keller's Counterfeit gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters

Speaking about the characteristics of a mature Christian:

Our hearts are like that. We think we've learned about grace, set our idols aside, and reached a place where we're serving God not for what we're going to get from Him but for who He is. There's a certain sense in which we spend our entire lives thinking we've reached the bottom of our hearts and finding it is a false bottom. Mature Christians are not people who completely hit the bedrock. I do not believe that is possible in this live. Rather, they are people who know how to keep drilling and are getting closer and closer.

The great pastor and hymn-writer John Newton once wrote about this struggle:

"If I may speak my own experience, I find that to keep my eye simply on Christ, as my peace and my life, is by far the hardest part of my calling...It seems easier to deny self in a thousand instances of outward conduct, than in its ceaseless endeavors to act as a principle of righteousness and power."

Page 176-177

I was sharing last night to a brother that I notice how much idols (money, sex, comfort, approval from others etc...) are popping up in my life. I can feel them crawling right underneath my skin. The hardest is that as much as I want to put them away, there is a part of me that CRAVES these idols. Dirty idols. Like a cheap fix. Psalm 14 hits the spot!

Today, at dinner, I thought about the Grace that I bestow upon. I was quick to realize that there is no way I can tear these idols down myself. Tim Keller hit it right on. The second we tear them down ourslves, they will come back. Our heart is idols generating machine.

This is why we need Jesus. This makes a lot of sense. I mean, if I can tear down my own idols and worship God, I pretty much fulfill the Law by myself. Then why do I need Jesus? This leads to salvation by works..not by grace. If I am honest about myself and based all my thoughts, motivations, attitudes and actions from the Law, I will fail every single one of them.

Wow. Why in the world would God be so gracious in saving me? Calling me His children? Indeed, amazing Grace! What can I do but rejoice and repent!!

What really matters...

This is from a Christian perspective..

At Australia, I was studying Romans 5:6-11 with my friend's fellowship.

⁶For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

⁷For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.

⁸But Goddemonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

⁹Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.

¹⁰For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

¹¹And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

It is such a small passage. I have read it over many times. During the trip, it just dawn on me how amazing this is. If this doesn't get me rejoice because of the assurance of salvation through God's grace, I don't think what else will.

In my previous post, http://soulofachristiantriathlete.blogspot.com/2009/09/seeking-christ-down-south.html, I ended up the post with:

This might be a vacation but Jesus Christ is all I am dwelling right now.....His fellowship I desire...one Sunday School teacher once commented that according to Paul...Jesus Christ is everything...everything else..like career, relationshps or things....is no a concern to Paul..when I live as a Christian..do i simply skimp on the salvation and then pray to ask for more things?? Or is Jesus Christ as we all sing songs and talk about..is enough?? I pray to Holy Spirit I sure hope so....

This really goes back to Jesus Christ and nothing else. It is what Jesus did at the cross that's so significant. WOW.

Not just a head knowledge but a heart of rejoice and joy. I have to learn to be only happy through Him and in Him. By this I mean, Jesus Christ on the Cross alone that matters...not Jesus Christ + car + good life + lots of gadgets and what not. All these are just gravy. Let's get back to the fundamentals.

When I realize I was once God's enemy, that my hand is stained with Christ blood from my sins, I fell guilty and ashame. At the same time, I see what it means by God's Grace. Even before we know we were wrong, God already died for us. WOW. The hardest part is done. Who am I to complain about having a tough life :o)).

AMEN!

A blurb from Challies.com

A blurb from Challies.com, Reading the Classics - Real Christianity (III):

In this chapter of Real Christianity, Wilberforce writes about "Inadequate Conceptions of Human Nature." He shows that one of the keys to discerning true from false beliefs relies on a person's understanding of human nature. He believes rightly that a proper understanding of human nature "lies at the very root of all true religion. And it is the basis and groundwork of Christianity."

"Most educated, professing Christians," he writes, "either overlook or deny the corruption and weakness of human nature." Though they are forced to acknowledge that something is amiss with human behavior, they will deny sin and depravity and speak instead of frailty and infirmity, of petty wrongdoings rather than indwelling sin. "The majority of professing Christians usually speak of man as a being who is naturally pure. He is inclined to all virtue. Only occasionally something draws him out of the righteous course..." Wilberforce compares and contrasts such a view to the Bible's understanding of humanity which describes man as desperately wicked and sinful to the very core.

He is right when he declares "They who have formed a true notion of their lost and helpless state will most gladly listen to good news. And they will have a high estimation of the value of such a deliverance." I almost wonder if he was thinking of his friend John Newton when he wrote these words. Regardless, he goes on to say that, though talk of man's depravity is a difficult and painful discussion that does damage to man's pride, it is one that is necessary for one who would truly understand the great work of the gospel. "The mind listens to it with difficulty, nay, with a mixture of anger and disgust. Yet it is here that our foundation must be laid. Otherwise our superstructure, whatever we may think of it, will one day prove tottering and insecure."

Only when I realize how dirty and bloody my hands are. Only after scrubbing hard to get them clean and still I can see the stains. Only after I am disgusted at myself. For knowing nothing I can do can make things better. That's when I realize the grace of God and the power of the Gospel.

The thorns in my life remind me that I am a God killer. And that nothing I do can justify the blessings that I am bestowed upon.

Amen!!

The Beatitudes: Idealistic vs Grace-Based Porphetic Interpretation

Taken this straight from the book, Following Jesus in Contemporary Context: Kingdom Ethics by Glen H. Stassen & David P. Gushee:

Many have interpreted the Beatitudes idealistically, saying they are high ideals that Jesus is urging us to live up to: if only we would mourn, be pure in heart, be peacemakers and so on, then we would be rewarded. This is the ethics of idealism: "if only people would act according to these ideals, then good things will happen.".....

If we think we do live up to these ideals, we fall into self-righteousness....

We undersatnd them as a set of ideals floating above our heads, imposing an ethic on us from above us that does not fit our real struggles. They are foreign to our nature, like a suit of armor that does not fit our body, or a job that does not fit our gifts and interests. We try to make our reality fit the ideals, but it simply does not fit... (page 33)

A Grace-Based Prophetic Interpretation

Guelich argued that Beatitudes should be interpreted not as wisdom teachings but as prophetic teachings. Wisdom teachings emphasize human action that is wise because it fits God's way of ordering the world and therefore gets us good results. Prophetic (or eschatological) teachings emphasize God's action that delivers (rescues, frees, releases) us from mourning into rejoicing.

Is Jesus saying, "happy are those who mourn, because mourning makes htem virtuous and so they will get the reward that virtuous people deserve"? Or is he saying, "Congratulations to those who mourn, because God is gracious and God is acting to deliver us from our sorrows"?

....

Some have erroneously taken grace to imply passivity, disempowerment of those who receive God's grace: if God is giving grace, it means that we are doing nothing. And if we are doing something, if we are acting in conformity with God's will, it must not be grace. This sets God's grace and our disciplesihp in opposition, as rivals. Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls this "cheap grace"....It is grace without repentance, grace without concrete change in our way of relating to others, grace without cost to us. It is "easy believism"...

A central theme in Bonhoeffer's writing is participation in what God is doing in Christ. Through God's grace in Christ, we become active participants in Gods grace, and Christ taks shape in us...It is like the cripple by the pool of Bethesda or Bethzatha (John 5:2-9): he could not walk until Jesus delivered them; then he was empowered to move, to participate in the deliverance that Jesus brought.

The shape of grace is Christ taking form in us. We participate by answering Jesus' gracious call: come follow me. This is not cheap grace, nor is it works-righteousness. (page 34 -36).