Crack!

Yesterday, I rode with a friend, Darren. I trained Ironman distance triathlon with him. He is a very talented, hard working and have a great attitude in life.

He has a much better fitness level. Basically he is faster and can go further than me.

I enjoy riding with him because he always crack me.

And yesterday there is no exception. We did two time trials (ride as hard as you can). By the second one, my legs were fried. I can't push them anymore. We headed back to our cars. On the way back, there were a bunch of rolling hills. Every time I go uphill, my quads would scream in pain.

It is not being mentally tough that would get me go faster. For endurance event, when you are redlining it, you are done. Your body will not go no matter how hard you try.

My legs were like that.

Darren cracked me.

Last week when I did my tax income, I laughed at how little I made. It was unbelievable. I made so little. I was sharing to my congregation that despite, the low pay, God still provide me going back to HK for my grandma's funeral, for my Ironman and for my bike.

In hindsight, I am glad that I made so little. I have no where to go than put my faith on God.

In an earlier post, I asked God to break me apart. Just like in training, we tear our muscle down so it will be heal and become stronger.

This is the same analogy I use for my spiritual life. I am asking God to crack me. I am much more fear that I will rely my future on financially security and spiritual security. I will take the latter any time of the day and I have to make sure my action follows that. And by this, I mean self discipline. Deliberately giving to those who are in need. Deliberately not spending on myself. Deny myself.

Today I went for a run and spent the time on the road contemplate to God about the trials that I have been going through. At times, they seem unbearable and no hope in sight. My heart sinks and I sigh just thinking about them.

Perhaps this is God's answering my prayer. He is molding me by giving me trials which I need to growth spiritually from.

Or taken it from another perspective. Perhaps these trials are a sign that I am still a spiritual infant and requires spiritual milk instead of solid food.

In either case, I am thankful. I reminded myself to ask God to crack me. Crack me so He might be glorified.