Seeing God at work among discouragement and bitterness

Last week, my church has Vocation Bible School for the kids.  It was a great outcome.  There were about 150 kids and 63 of them were non-believers.

Yesterday, we had a graduation.  The kids were to sing a song in front of everyone. I had the privilege of talking to the parents who never been to my church before.  

The children pastor told me to spend time with them.  I have no idea what to do.   I am not  very good as a host or entertain others.

We were sitting in one of the rooms having coffee and donuts when my children pastor dropped by and introduced me to everyone....

"This is Cliff and he has an amazing story.  He had a liver transplant when he was 11 and also did an Ironman.  Cliff, why don't you share them your story...."

I was embarrassed.  Talk about myself?  I laughed out loud....

Then I figured we have 30 min to kill and a great way to share my testimony I jumped into speaking mode and shared about my liver transplant, my drinking history, triathlon and meeting Jesus in my Ironman journey.

The parents were amazed.  They were engaged and asked me many questions....

Did the liver transplant help you train better?
What did you eat?

I concluded that all of this is nothing but short of a miracle.  

Later, I gave them a tour around the church and they asked questions about our Jumping Frogs program (a youth group that we have every Fri).  

During the presentation, my children pastor was sharing she had volutneers from 5 year old to over 80.  

My church, like many Chinese churches in Canada, have congregations based on different languages and dialects.  For us, we have a English, Mandarin and Cantonese congregations.  It is amazing to see so many different helpers from various congregations volunteer together. 

...

A while back I had a conversation with a sister about Chinese church.  She was quite bitter at how conservative the church was.  They weren't allow someone to play worship because the boy had long hair.  To her, she would never go back to a Chinese church.  She believed in multi cultural churches, just not Chinese churches. 

And to be honest, there were times when I am bitter about being in a Chinese church.

I am more missional.  I want to go out and serve the poor. My church seemed to be focus on just Chinese people. The church doesn't fit my needs...and to be even more negative...what a waste of time...

Bitter huh?

...

I went to a Chinese Alliance Church conference last year and attended a session on how to be more missional.  I was expecting some juicy info about creative ways to share the gospel that is relevant to the people in their culture context.

Instead, the speaker just said...'you have to work with the Chinese side'

At that time, I was hugely disappointed.  That was the answer?  It had nothing to do with being missional.

...

The parents I talked to yesterday, none of them were Chinese.  Yet, because of VBS, they come to a Chinese church for the first time.

And I had been thinking and frustrated at how are we going to invite our neighbors who when most of them are not Chinese.  Why would they come to a Chinese church?

I spoke to a father yesterday.  He, non-Chinese, enjoyed the VBS program.  He was impressed and mentioned how organize things were.  He is a single parent and told me how much struggle it is to afford days camp for his kid (8 yr old).  One week camp costs 700 dollars.  That's the equivalent of half a paycheck.  Single parent.  Many bills to pay.  It is so expensive. I am thankful that we have VBS to make it affordable for parents like him.

So God, in His way, in His Will, gave me an answer I never expect.  It is almost like He is saying..'Cliff, this is my church and this is my program.  Let me SHOW you what you think is impossible.'

God in all His Sovereign Ways, often speak the loudest in whispers and nudges.

...

I am growing fond of and feel blessed to be part of this multi congregational community which I call my church.

There are many in my church upset about how things are run.  They, and me, often feel this is a Chinese church run in a Chinese way and soon the culture will change and this church will no longer be necessary...

I wish I can share what I saw yesterday to others.  Multi congregation comes together to bring glorify to God through VBS.  Many different parts come together for one purpose (1 Corinthian 12 anyone??)

I don't know how to tell this to others.  I am more discourage in not because I don't share, it is because if I share, they will not listen. (I do understand I cannot control that...still it is discouraging.)

Those who are upset are still upset.
Those who don't feel this church will work continue to feel so.

And so here I stand...between two worlds.  One full of discouragement, bitterness, and negativity...and yet a world where God is slowly revealing His Will and His purpose.

...

A speaker once asked the question....'if the church is not here today, will the neighborhood misses it?'

Back then, without hesitation, I would say, no one will miss my church because we never reach out.

Oh...looking then and looking what I experienced yesterday.....how wrong I was.

God uses program like VBS to reach those who never been to my church.  The single father will surely suffers, if one day our church disappears.

And I am thank God for Him sharing this little bit of His Will to me today.

Though serving might have ups and downs.
Though people and myself can be bitter and upset at times.
Though the walls are down and ruins lay everywhere.

I still can see the Hope that God promises.

And this promise is the only light I lean on when the times are tough, when I am all alone, when darkness engulfs me.

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb.

Revelation 7:9a

[More reflection..confession]

I know I am guilty of spending more time bashing the church than encouraging.  

Spend more time tearing it down than building it up.  

Spend more time talk about strategies and theories than seeking where God is working.

Glad to have God open my eyes to see where He is working....

God doesn't need me

Something I've been mulling over.

I come to a conclusion that God doesn't need me to run His church.
God doesn't need my skills, talents, expertise, resources for His ministry.

If there is something that needs to be done, God can do it with or without me, regardless.

...

At the thought of this, it humbles me....(granted, one ain't really humble when they admit they are humble).  It changes my thinking that the church doesn't need me.  And in times when I have negative feelings toward the church (the organization, building, people etc...), I am greatly reminded that no one, no brothers and sisters, owns me anything.  Not even God.

He calls me to come to serve.  That's what the word, deacon, stands for.  To serve.

And to serve.

A role to serve is a privilege.  Not a right.

....

Good reminder indeed.

God doesn't need me.
God doesn't require me to do many things (or anything).
God can make things happen with or without me.
Yet, He is so caring to give me a role in His ministry....

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 1:12-14

[Side note: Notice Paul wrote he is shown mercy because he acted in ignorance and unbelief.  Mercy, in this case, is shown to those who are wrong.  Is shown because he was wrong...]

Book Reflection: A Work of Heart - Commonplace

I finished reading A Work of Heart by Reggie McNeal last night.

Very good read.  The last chapter was particularly good.  He went through the pains and joy of following God.  A very good way of looking at how a spiritual leader requires at utmost relationship with Him. If we take a look at all the great leaders in the Bible, Jesus, David, Abraham and Moses, the commonality that string through them are their closeness to God.  They are so close to Him in the good times and the bad times.  Always willing to seek Him and to see where He is leading.

Just a few quotes from the chapter called Commonplace....to seek God in everything and anything...in the ordinary....

"God uses the commonplace to shape the leader's heart....Moses memorized the Sinai desert through countless shepherding experiences.  His knowledge kept the Hebrews alive in the wilderness..."

On pain

"C.S. Lewis gave us that fabulous insight that God whispers to us in our pleasure,but shouts to us in our pain...The leader who accepts pain as the work of God in the commonplace grows from it rather than being diminished by it."

"You have prayed for deliverance, but everything feels like more shots and surgery.  Knowing that God is not happy about your hurt, the key is to keep looking into his face and talking with him while the soul surgery takes place."

"The cross reminds us that in this world there is no wholeness without some pain."

"They [Great spiritual leaders] have all asked God for relief, but they also asked God not to take them off the operating table until they learn all he wants to teach them.  This reveals the heart of the spiritual champion.  These spiritual Olympians would rather walk with a limp to possess life wisdom and a closer relationship with God than to escape the trauma of the match.  [I was in tears in reading this quote.  It reminded me of the training days of triathlon and how far I was willing to go.  To go beyond one's expectation in midst of pain and suffering.] They learn, like David, to take their pain to God.  Like Paul, they come to exult in their thorns."

On joy

"God exults in our accomplishments."

"When joy is chosen, it always give rise to hope.  Hope always leads one to God."

"heaven means that pain passes, but laughter is eternal"

On hearing

"Coincidence? Only to those who do not know the power of hearing and obeying God's voice in the commonplace."

"a gentle spirit can open up a chance to share God's heart with another..."

The best quote to wrap things up....

Living in obedience is a courageous way to live.  It requires gutsy faith to believe that God is at work in everything.

Give me some guts, Lord..for I rather go after the Kingdom that do not rust nor pass away.  Everything else is nothing but a fleeting moment.....

Leadership, Get Over it and dying to oneself

It's 2:08 am and I cannot sleep.

I re-read one part of a book, A Work of Heart by Reggie McNeal.  It is about how God works through leaders and their heart (not just the process or the steps to effecive leadership).

One of the chapters is called Conflict

This portion resonant to what I experience in Church, as a leader and in life...

"...that no matter how noble the leader is or how lofty the dreams and agenda, the leader is going to get shot at.  And sometimes hit.  Moses did not have to come out of retirement to lead a slave revolt.  David rid the land of Philistine incursions.  Jesus' mission accomplished world redemption, and Paul just wanted to invite people to the party that Jesus got going.  All gave themselves to undeniably noble endeavors.  Yet each leader was questioned for motives and methods by friends and enemies alike.

Get over it. If you are a spiritual leader, you will be embroiled in conflict occasionally or frequently precisely because you are leading.  Leadership that is not encountering difficulty probably is not trying to accomplish much.  Leadership in the hinges of history (which is where we are now) is no game for cowards.

...

Expect Conflict....Moses knew it would be no picnic against Pharaoh, and his experience should have told him his own people were going to be a challenge as well...Paul knew he was a marked man before he regained his sight.

...

If you want to emerge better through conflict, go ahead and die.  Die to the expectations that everyone will love you.  Die to getting a pass on being mistrated and persecuted.  Then get over it with resurrection power, and live a truly free and powerful life, having already counted yourself as dead.  Be surprised by affirmations and commendations. Do not count on them.  Count on being frequently challenged and sometimes resisted.  This perspecitve will set you free from having to lead from popularity or approval ratings.  You can lead from a true moral and spiritual center." 

(A Work of Heart - Pg. 156- 157)

A while ago I signed a contract with God that I would seek Him first in everything I do.  Since then, I slowly let go all that I own.  Material possessions, money, triathlon.  Surely, the last bit was my life and I gave that up.  Can't really say I give it up considering it wasn't mine (like I owned it) to start with (liver transplant).  Dead people have no pride nor desire for approval.  And there is only One approval of whom I seek.

The Wonderful Cross by Chris Tomlin

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of Glory died

My richest gain I count but loss

And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet

Sorrow and love flow mingled down

Did ever such love and sorrow meet

Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross

Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross

All who gather here by grace draw near and bless

Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine

That were an offering far too small

Love so amazing, so divine

Demands my soul, my life, my all

Exam for Christian Leadership Course (MS 1B03)

The course I was taking this term was Christian Leadership in the 21st Century (MS 1B03).

My exam was an open book. It was cool to have the teacher prayed for us before we started. I opened my mind and let it all flow. I was surprise at how organize my thoughts were. I even break down the plan into phases. Perhaps this is a calling and a sign from above??

I feel like I am in phase 1 right now. I 'like' to learn more and understand more. Though, it is hard to see and witness these hideous crimes and oppression. Yet, this is where I need to be....to seek God among all of this..and seek where He is walking and where He is calling me.

Below is my response....

===

For the exam, I will be selecting Scenario 2. I will write a four year strategic plan to present to future backers to hinder trafficking of children into Canada. I decide that this will be a new parachurch organization. The rationale is that this is a national focus and will be out of the boundary of a local church or denomination. This will also be a huge undertaking as it is a national problem and the solution requires a combination of local and foreign involvement, working with various non profit organizations (Christian and non-Christian based), and with the government and the police.

Objective: To prevent traffickers from smuggling children into Canada for sex trade or carry drug.

Vision: To bring fourth God's Kingdom onto the world by defending the children against sex traffickers

Given the four year timetable, I will break the plan into the follow phases. The brackets are the timeline.

Phase 1 - Understand the situation (first three months)

Phase 2 - Gather team members and partners (after Phase 1. Core team members in 6 months.)

Phase 3 - Promote awareness (on going)

Phase 4 - Develop a solution (After phase 2 gathering the core members. It will take 6 months)

Phase 5 - Take action (after phase 4 to ongoing)

I will spend the first three months in phase 1 and assess the situation. I will then build a team, find partners and alliances in Phase 2. Phase 2 will be an on going process since we will always look for volunteer and others who are interested on joining with us. The key in achieving the objective is to bring an awareness to Canadians (Christians and non-Christians) in Phase 3. As Phase 3 is rolling, we will devleop a solution with the team I build in Phase 2. Once the solution is develop, we will implement it in Phase 5.

These phases might overlap with each other. While I am in phase 1, I will be looking for those who have the same calling and are interested on being part of the team (phase 2). We need to speak about the issue so Canadians will be aware of it and what's being done. Some phases might go hand in hand. For example, we can address to Canadians what the problem is (Phase 3) and then offer three easy steps for them to be part of the solution (Phase 5).

Phase 1 - Understand the situation

The first step is to understand the extent of the problem. I need to educate myself first. These will be the questions I will be asking:

- how many children are trafficking to Canada annually?

Traffic Source

- where are the children coming from? (Region and ethnicity)

- why are they being trafficked? (bought, volunteered, kidnap etc.)

Traffic Destination

- where are the children smuggled to? (City, Province etc.)

- what's the purpose of them being smuggle? (sex, drug, slavery etc.)

- who are smuggling them? How are they being smuggle? (ship, plane etc.)

Justice System

- what is the justice system like to stop children trafficking?

- how's Canada justice system and what are the laws to stop children trafficking? How and who are enforcing these?

- are there international laws stopping children from being trafficked? How and who are enforcing these?

Partners

- Is there Christian organization/local church/other parachurch organization in Canada that is already combating these? If so, can we partner up with them.

- What about non profit organization (non-Christian) in Canada aware of these situation? If so, can we partner up with them.

- Is there Christian organization/church or NPO in the source of the traffic that is combating these situation? Can we gather more info

Other

- how are other countries combating these?

- what have other people do, locally or nationally, to prevent human traffic?

- has there been success stories of a nation preventing the smuggling of children? What was the process?

Source

Here are the sources I will use to become an expert in this subject and aware of the reality at hand:

- speak to the Canada Customs Officer to ask what he/she knows

- Internet

- Non Profit Organization (NPO) research and related studies

- United Nations, they should have a department that study human trafficking

- Canada legal system and police system for records on children traffic related materials

- attend human rights meeting

It is crucial to address these questions. The better I understand the problem, the more probable we can find a solution. Of course, the solution will dependent on the type of scenario. For example, if by studying we see that majority of the children are coming from Cambodia and the Canadian government has good tides with Cambodian government, one solution is to petition Canada government to ask Cambodian government to increase their pressure on child smuggling on their end. Granted, this task requires lobbying with the MP and address an issue to the federal government (not an easy task), it is to show how the solution will dependent on the situation at hand.

Through understanding the situation, I will be connecting with others in Canada who have the same mind and focus. There are a number of Christian organizations in Canada (and around that world) that combats child trafficking. One of these organizations is call Ratanuk. They worked along side with International Justice Missions to stop children traffick in Cambodia and other Asia specific countries. The research will help me build networks and form partnerships to help promote the situation and devise a solution (Phase 2,3, and 4).

As a Christian, I need to have a Biblical understand of justice. For my own spiritual growth and re-nourish my soul, I will be studying the Word and see the just characteristics of our God. Verses from Isaiah 1:17 and Micah 6:8 will be crucial in understanding who God is and what is justice in His eyes. The more I learn about who God is and the more I seek to be in His likeness, the better I will be as a servant of God to do His Will in combating this clause. These study, meditation and reflection will be useful to encourage me as I will face numerous trials, pressure and struggles.

Phase 2 - Gather Team members/ partners

To prevent child trafficking is a big task. I cannot do it on my own. I will need to gather a team and work with others. I will share my concern and desire first within my circle of influence. Support from friends and family is crucial. They can be my voice to promote to others. Hopefully there will be one or two friends that will join me on this journey. I will join other organizations that battle against human trafficking. As there are a number of these organizations, I will discern which one I can work closely with and we have a similar vision. These organizations and partners are important as they will be a source of information and we can also work with each other to promote the issue at hand. Ratanuk and International Justice Missions are great choice as they are already combating children trafficking.

The team will also be comprises of a mix of skills and talents. My ideal team will consists of:

- a lawyer that has experience with human rights, international law and justice system

- a police officer dealt with RCMP

- a PR person who has a passion for child trafficking issue

What's crucial for each team member is that they believe in the vision and objective of this team.

Phase 3 - Promote Awareness

One of the most important part is to share to others and to tell Canadians what is going on. The Canadian society, if well inform, will oppose to children smuggling. The problem is that most people are not aware of the situation. The solution lies in promoting to the public so they are aware. The key is to show the people that child smuggling is very close to home and not only happen in far away places like Asia or Africa. If we can change this perception and Canadians realize their country is involve and is part of the problem in child smuggling, they will have a higher urgency to act. The PR person will be very beneficial in this case, working with local and national media channels (TV, radio etc).

At the same time, we will promote via online. With my experience in Internet marketing, we will promote through the following:

- social media sites such as Facebook to gather members

- use message system such as twitter for updates

- blog, an online diary, so visitors can see our updates and made aware of the situation

- email newsletter, ask people to sign up and receive a monthly or quarterly update

The strength in using Internet marketing is its low cost (relatively free) and its ability to promote to others in real time and mass communication. In the 2010 Winter, a friend promoted the increase in child trafficking to Vancouver during the Olympics. She sent it through Facebook. Because of her post, I was aware of the situation and I post it on my profile so others will see it. Internet Marketing have the ability to spread a message very quickly with little or no cost.

There is also another type of awareness that I will be implementing. This will be communicate within the Christian community in Canada. As God is a Justice God who defend the oppress, we, as Christians, should do the same. We will promote in Christian events such as Missionfest or other local church mission events. The more we speak to brothers and sisters in Christ about this, we can ask them to pray for us and also partner up with us. The goal is to have a number of churches joining us through via promotion or being pro-active in combating child trafficking. One possibility is working with the Compassion department in Christian and Missionary Alliance of Canada. By working with other major denominations on a national scale, we can promote the awareness faster and in a national scale. We will also need prayer, financial and resource support as well.

Promotion is important. There might be others who are interested and passionate in this issue. Others will be willing to give their time and effort. Others might want to pray for us. And some might want to support us financially. More importantly, the more people are aware of child trafficking, the easier for us to move on to the next phase, which is develop a solution and acting on it.

Phase 4 - Develop a solution

With the right team and understanding the situation, we can develop a solution. Can we done this by ourselves? How do we address this to our government? Can we work with the Federal government?

There are many actions that we can take. We can start off small by individually write a letter to the MP. We can work with the RCMP and see how our team can help address this situation. Is there church or Christian organizations that is helping children from being smuggle? We can help them (mission trip or donations). In Phase 2, I lay out the personnel for my ideal team. The lawyer and a police officer will be helpful in this phase. Their knowledge, experience and background will be crucial in developing a solution. I am not experience in this matter and my team will be able to provide the direction and guidance on this area.

When we promote to Canadians, we will include little steps that they can do to prevent child trafficking. We can prepare a sample letter that they can use to send to their MP. Or we can collect their signatures.

International Justice Mission is an international Christian organization. They worked closely with Cambodian police force to train them and conduct raids to stop child trafficking. A possible solution is to work overseas in the origins of the child traffickers.

Phase 5 - Take Action

This will be the last step. The implementation will most likely have to do with rectifying the legal system in Canada. This will require huge financial cost (hiring a lawyer) and resource requirement. As we promote awareness, we will ask others for sponsor and donations. This phase we might partner with other organization, like International Justice Missions, to leverage their expertise and their resources. Partner and finding alliance in phase 2 will be crucial for this phase. If a number of non profit organizations, Christian organizations and churches .can come together, it will help greatly in maintain the momentum in taking action and stopping the process of trafficking of children in Canada.

Thoughts: Leadership, Moses....

Just putting some thoughts that have been on my mind lately.

A few years ago when I was leading fellowship, there was a argument between two groups. Things were said and feelings were hurt. I cried to my pastor for help. We had a talk among everyone.

Well...both group left the church. I cannot say they left the church because of this. Granted, I got a feeling that some did not feel the church wasn't very welcoming and decided to go. There are other factors as well..some got marry and decided to move on....

Of all the things I think about....I wonder if I could have done a better job as a leader in handling things. Looking back, there are things which I should have done faster instead of waiting until things got blown over.

I have been reading Moses lately. This is for a paper I am going to write on how God shape leaders.

As the story of Moses unfold, quickly, there were conflict.

Right after God told Moses to go back to Egypt and speak to Pharaoh, Moses went to the elders of the Israel and told them all that God had commanded him. The elders believed. They even bow down and pray (Exodus 4:31). That's great. Because Moses feared that not even his own people will listen to him (Exodus 3:13-18).

So Moses and Aaron boldly go up to the Pharaoh and asked him to free their people. Pharaoh ignored their request. Instead, he gave the Israelites harsher punishment.

The Israelites blamed it on Moses and Aaron....they said:

"May the LORD look upon you and judge you! You have made us a stench to Pharaoh and his officials and have put a sword in their hand to kill us." (Exodus 5:21)

Between one chapter, we see the Israelites change their mind from seeing Moses and Aaron as sent by God to liberate them....now to accuse them for wronging to the Lord and they get punish for this.

The chosen messenger of the Lord became the scapegoat for all the punishment Israel must endure.

If I was Moses, I would go back to Midian. Why not? Why bother freeing a group of people who will whine and grumble anyways? Let them stay with the Egyptians. They like it there. After all, I got a good home there. Got lots of flocks and raise my family there. Everyone wins!

Yet what did Moses do? He didn't back down. He turned to the Lord for help....

"O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all." (Exodus 5:22-23)

Yet Moses endured. And this won't be the only time (Ex 14:10-11, 15:24, 16:3, 17:3).

In A Work of Heart by Reggie McNeal, he talked about that conflicts are expected. That's the reality.

The two group never reconciled fully. Despite growing up together. After the conflict, the groups slowly drifted apart. Maybe they reconciled and decided to move on. Maybe God is still working on their hearts. That I will never know. This is not a matter which I dwell too much upon. For I should go and reconcile relationships which I have wronged.

I can say that during that period, there were a lot of hurt and I felt a lot of hurt. I don't say this to criticize others. For when things are done, they are done. When they are said, they are said.

Among the pain of leading...God revealed greatly of how awesome He is. Even at times when I didn't turn to Him.

Leader in Crisis

Blogging this through my Christian Leadership course....

This morning's devotion was on when leader in crisis.

The passage is 1 Samuel 30.

The situation - the Amalekites made a raid and took all the women and everyone and took off valuables. David and his men came back to the city burning to the ground...

David's response (1 Samuel 30:4):

So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.

There were internal conflicts (1 Samuel 30:6a):

David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters.

This is bad. What was David's response?

But David found strength in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6b)

What I notice...

when calamity hits, David, the leader, the one who was annoited by Samuel, the one who slayed tens of thousands of Phillistines, took care of Goliath....wept until there is no strength left...

David found his strength not in himself, despite all his 'accomplishments'. Rather he found strength in the LORD his God.