I admit I am still a stranger when it comes to forgiveness and grace.
I was listening to Tim Keller's sermon (the sermon is And Kissed Him. One of the seven series on The Prodigal God.) on forgiveness. There is a few part of the sermon that struck me. He said that we might know how to forgive in our head but if we are still holding on grudge and pride, we do not understand forgiveness at all.
And I have to admit, there is still a part of me that want to hold onto that. I don't want to forgive. Why should I go make peace? I have my rights.
When it comes to God reconciling us back to Him, He takes the initiative. In Tim Keller's words, God is aggressive and assertive in forgiving us. We ought to do the same to those who wrong us.
Forgiving...is not often in financial means. Often it is in pride and dignity. And I can feel myself struggle with this.
Why should I go? Oh I know I am wrong but I really don't want to go and make peace. Let alone apologize. I can feel my pride hovering over me. Like a net holding me down in bitterness and anger. A video tape running in my head over and over again. Trap by it.
So last night, while waiting for a bus, I thought about God's grace. Jesus come down from heaven into the world knowing fully He will died on the cross. He knows He has to do it. It wasn't an accident or by chance. It was God's Sovereign plan. Someone has to pay and Jesus paid for it. He didn't back down. He didn't run away. He was so innocent and He took it because that's what it takes to bring me back to Him.
In His eyes, I am more precious than all the stars in the universe. All the living creation in the world.
hmmm...if that doesn't change my heart..I am afraid nothing will (the good news is that looking at some of the relationship I had to make right this year...it did changed my heart.....
...and so here I stand. Still a stranger when it comes to forgiveness and grace...even when I am bestowed by the Mighty One. I am still just a stranger. I am still spiritually immature.