With my quick response nature, almost real-time, I often expect God to give me a response just as fast.
And walking with the Lord for a few years now, I know this usually doesn't happen.
Especially in times when my heart is yearning for an answer.
I often consider the Lord's answer like snail mail. He takes His time. Not instantaneous.
And we see that often in the Bible as well.
Abraham and Sarah waiting for many years, well in their old age, to receive a child.
Jacob worked 14 years for the Father in law to marry the girl of his dreams, Rachel.
Hannah praying for year after year to conceive a child.
Hundred years of Israelites crying out to the Lord when they were enslaved by the Egyptians.
David, anointed by Samuel as the King of Israel, spent months hiding and running away from Saul.
And like the people in the Bible, we might be praying for things that are important. For marriage, for a child, for safety and protection.
A few months ago, there was a moment where I was frustrated with God. I met a Godly lady and we got along quite well. We connected on many levels, especially on how we serve the Lord. The 'sad' part is that she is in a relationship. Her boyfriend didn't want her to go to missions. Nuts!
I remembered a few years ago I was placed in a similar situation. One of my friend said, 'too bad she is in a relationship huh? You guys are so well together.' At that moment, I remembered very vividly asking God that I am much suitable for her than him. Can He do something to break them up?
Ouch. I am so glad God didn't answer that request. I cannot imagine how my spiritual life will skew if that happen and I treat it as God's blessing for me to pursuit her.
So back to a few months ago, I remembered when I erred. Instead of what I want, I prayed for them and for their well-being. After all, they are brother and sister in Christ. I want God to work on them so they can serve the Lord together as one.
It's amazing how the Lord can change and transform heart. Especially my own heart. I had been listening to Tim Keller's sermons on the Prodigal God (The parable of the Prodigal Son). There is one bit where he said that a Christian loved the Father. Not the things that He provided. Aka..Lord, you don't have to answer my prayers and I still follow you.
Recently, I put triathlon down. I am not doing any races this year and maybe forever. Until the Lord speaks and directs. One would think that I would be upset over this as this is what I am known for (Christian Triathlete!) I have so much peace.
And with relationship. I no longer pray for that anymore. He can give and He cannot give. He knows what I need. He doesn't have to answer any of my prayer. And that's ok. Also, I have peace.
My Lord is a Mighty God. My Lord is not just the Lord who provide my job, car, house, friends, relationship. Granted, these are good things. He is bigger than a genie. There are bigger things than meeting my needs. The injustice and the poverty ravaging around the world.
I have to get smaller so God gets bigger. And I want God to get bigger because the things He can do is truly amazing. What can I do (maybe write many blog posts with bad grammars :DDD).
And I am waiting for the Lord. To wait for His direction. For His calling. To go where He guides. I am not jumpy. Not edgy. Just a peace in His Grace and in seeking His Beauty.
Taken from March 14 post on Beauty:
May You changed my heart so I only desire Your beauty.
May You reveal Your beauty around me so I can see it, feel it and rejoice in it.
You know I will follow You regardless if You answer my prayers or not.
I will give up everything. There is nothing else matter more than Your beauty.
Transform my heart so I will not lose sight of You nor forget You.
May I always remember Your great promise, Your gracious and loving kindness nature.
May I always remember how Your redeem me and restored me to your sonship.
I will seek Your beauty.