if it's Your Will, then I will...

...

I've been delaying in writing this post. I was trying to find some quiet time to share what I have been going through....we are having a long weekend here and things lately have been busy.

Busy in serving, busy at work, busy with training.

Lately, I've been reflecting on a lot of my history. Of how God uses it to shape who I am. Specifically, cancer, my liver transplant and triathlon.

For the past few runs. The odd time when I am alone with my thoughts. I've been asking God...if it is Your Will..then I will.

Is it possible to testify my life with this sport? Or would I be better be serve at other ministry?

And consciously and unconsciously, I've been delaying this question by keeping myself busy.

If there is weakness I have is the inability to make a decision. I told a friend that, 'yeah I should do something out of this.' The something is sharing my story. What God has done in my life and miracles that kept me alive.

And the training is a constant reminded of where I come from. It is more than just a physical attributes. More often than not, it is a emotional and a mental reminder.

The reminder that many other kids passed away from organ rejections when I was in the hospital. The reminder that many more are still battling against cancer. The uncertainty, anguish, sadness, suffering of the many un-named. The love ones that see little or not hope as dark clouds roll over their lives.

When I reflected on that...it hurts. Cuts to the bone. I can't fathom doing nothing. I also cannot fathom for not trying to make a difference.

As I look back, I am thankful for the countless of people that is placed in my life for their encouragement. They see something bigger than what I can see.

And at times I don't see it myself. And at times, many others do not see what I see.

I remember the times I spent speaking at Running Room. I shared of my Ironman and cancer surviving experience. I hope I was able to plant seeds that will bear fruits. My only encouragement was seeing a trainer (non-believer) asking me to pray for her mom.

On Thurs, I was invited again to speak at Running Room. The audience didn't seemed to engage as before. Afterwards, we went for a jog. As I spoke to a number of runners, I was surprised that they caught on to every word that I said.

On Fri, I did a long run. It was a solitude experience where I can spend time with God. I can't help but to rejoice and give praises on what the Lord has done in my life.

I told Him that if it's Your Will, then I will. And what I offer, I hope it is favorable in Your eyes.