Lately I've been spending less time socially. This might have to do with I am training for Toronto Marathon. There is about two months before the race and my body needs to get in shape.
Anyway, I was reflecting on the time I spent with other people. Particularly those who don't share the same reciprocal friendliness towards me.
Note: As Christians, I believe we should all strive to be friendly to everyone around us. I am not condoning that. And if HS is convicting me to reach out to someone who I don't feel connect with, I will still do it.
Why do I spend the energy and time to do so? Perhaps I am just a friendly guy. Perhaps I am trying to win their friendship and approval in what I do.
I reflected back in my high school days, I didn't have too many friends. Perhaps I am acting in a way to gain the approval of the crowd. And this experience from the past lingers on to today.
In the book Emotionally Healthy Church, Peter Scazzero talks about that we each bring our past emotional experience. Whether they are conscious or unconscious, these experience lingers in us. And these brokenness will surface sooner or later. Often in the form of anger, defensiveness.
And this ain't just a problem to fix like changing a flat tire.
There are times when I am frustrated with serving. Especially when other people don't get what I am doing. When I look at the source of that frustration, it seems clear that it was because I am trying to 'sell' the other person what I am doing. And if the other person doesn't 'buy' it (or approve), my frustration level goes up the roof.
I reminded myself...the only approval I need at the end of the day is not from people but from Him. Really, it doesn't matter if no one 'buys' it. As long as it is His Will, then I will too.
Now coming back to building relations with everyone. I would rather have a core of those who I can build deep relations with. Instead of spreading a net as wide as possible and lack depth.
Some people, extrovert, are great at building lots of friendship and keep them strong. For me, an introvert, are satisfy with a few =D