Free flow

Maybe because I am sick, and I haven't be training (today was a great day to go on a ride) and a mix of other things, tonight I haven't been feeling well.

I am tired and my heart is troubled. It is as if I am anxious about something.

Recently, I have been contemplating to seminary school for masters of Theology. More praying hard about it. I was sharing a friend how interesting my life has been moving ever since I signed a contract with God in Dec 25, 2007 that I would seek Him first in everything I do.

At that time, I was in a moment of despair. Nothing satisfy me. Water does not satisfy my thirst. I was hunger for something. It was at that pivotal point I decided I need to make a decision to follow God whole heartedly.

And 5 months later, I am now considering of going to Seminary school. It's nuts. A year ago, I would say no to more Christian education. Now, after taking an audit course earlier this year, I could see myself doing more courses and building a more solid foundation of my faith.

A while back, I had a thought that living in Western world, we are so blessed with resources. Especially Christian resources. There are places in the world where Christian brothers and sisters lack a pastor or even a Bible. It is our job to pick up as much as we can and share the wisdom to them.

Well, interesting how here is an opportunity to learn more staring in my face.

There is a number of logistics to work out. I have been praying and fasting on this issue. The deadline is at end of this month and there ain't a lot of time left. And my path to get the degree is not clear.

I have been reading Psalms and Proverbs...there is one psalm by David that is comforting to me.

Psalm 15:

A psalm of David.

1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,

5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.

I am drawn by verse 4. He who keeps his oath even when it hurts. In the context, it is talking about keeping their promises.

Throughout the Psalm, David listed actions that are considered as blameless and righteous:
v3 - and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman

I find actions like these challenging in a world that is ever chose to step over their fellowman to get what they want.

Maybe this is from my tri side where I enjoy pain. But the passage speak right through me.

There are times when following Christ hurts. And as we are sanctified (become more holy), we are to set apart. We are to become blameless and righteous.

'Hurting' is part of life. Even a secular person know this. There are times when things hurt. Break up from a relationship, a love one pass away etc. Those things hurt. And perhaps we are living in a society where comfort is emphasis. Take this and you will feel less pain. Do you want a more relax way to live life? This will make it easier for you. Easy, relax....pain-less. Hurt-less.

I once suggested to an elder that perhaps we should pray for pain. Pain not for its own sake. But pain for Christ-sake.

If you are suffering for Christ, it will hurt. When you have a promise to fulfill even if the other person does not deserve it but you do so because as a Christian, your words and your actions are hold accountable to God, that hurts.

Reading from such passage, I have a feeling of renewal from this type of hurting.

I no longer ask for why things hurt. Sometimes, in my weaker moments, I would ask God to remove the pain. If the pain, though, is to help spread the Gospel....well then, let it hurt and may I find joy from doing so.

I just pray that I will be able to stand firm when it hurts.