Risk Factor

I am currently attending a course called Project Timothy.  This is a course for OMF members.  The course focuses on God's calling, our own experiences with God and how He shapes our characters.

One of the activities is creating a Timeline.  It is a summary of how the Lord has shaped me.   As I sit and jot down all the critical events and those God moments, I slowly see a pattern of how He moves in my life.  I will share the Timeline in another post.

Today, the instructor showed the video of Wai Jia and me.  It is again a reminder of God's goodness in our lives.  As I saw the video, the verse, I will risk myself in you, spoke to me again.

After getting married, a number of single guys shared with me their struggle with relationships.  One of the patterns I see is that there's a hindrance in pursuing because it is risky.  What if the girl doesn't like me?  What if our friendship is broken?  How do I know she is the right one?

Love is very risky.  There's no guarantee.  No one can tell you what's gonna happen.  Perhaps it is meant to be this way. This is what it means to love.  To love without knowing the love will be returned.   To love not knowing you might get hurt in the process.

And then there's the Great Love.  The radical Jesus willing to risk His life to redeem those who do not love Him in return.

I love how Wai Jia shared in the video (11 min) asking is this how we determine who we 'love'.  Based on the probability that we love have to be perfect in every way. Is our decision based on a risk factor?

I wonder if we serve the Lord the same way.  Looking for the most comfortable and safest method to serve Him.  When we reflect of the love of the Father for us, it should make us take more risk, not less.  It should get us out of our comforts, instead of fortifying them.  It should make us take the risk to love in His name and to love those who do not deserve to be loved.  And this is risky too.  Because we will have to give up our lives.  Just as the Lord has given up His for us.

It is amazing to see someone like Peter, a fisherman.  After hauling probably one of the largest catch of his life, he just got up, leave everything and follow Him.  Peter didn't know where Jesus would take him.  But he just followed.  Even willing to follow and risked his life for Him.

Now that's love.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” 

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” 

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” 

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” 

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” 

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” 

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” 

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” 

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

John 21:15-21 NIV 

I will risk myself on you

When Wai Jia and I planned our wedding a few months ago, we wanted to share with the world our story.  A friend introduced us a very talented videographer, Josiah Ng.

If you haven’t watched it, I hope you can take the next 13 minutes to watch the video below.  It is God’s story weaving into ours.

 

 There was a sentence at the end of the video; I will risk myself on you.

The video is a story of me risking everything to come to Singapore.  At the same time, I see a bigger dimension of risk.  It is God’s risking Himself, His Son, onto the world (John 3:16).

It is the Father saying …

Cliff, I risk my very own son to come to save you.  He is my beloved. He has to come to earth and to die on the cross to save you.  

Wow.  Our God is a risk-taking God.   He takes huge risks to save those who rebel against Him.  And I am still in-awe.  All the things happened within the past year since I left Canada, it is all from Him.  He provided a way to Singapore.  He provided the provision for the wedding.  He provided a Josiah to help us.  It is all Him.  What this means is that He is trust worthy.  Even right now, Wai Jia and I don't know our future.  We can have peace because we know He is faithful.


In the Old Testament, whenever God did something great, the Israelite would build a landmark to commemorate God’s faithfulness and remembered His goodness.   Like in Joshua 4:4-9, the Israelite placed twelve stones in the middle of the Jordan to remember it was the Lord who stopped the river so they could cross.   And this wedding, it is a landmark in my life of God’s provision and His Guidance.

Note: I've been meaning to write a blog post on our wedding.  Very sorry!  I've been busy with settling down ever since our very special day :)))  Will post it soon!

Marriage Vow

I promise to love you, to comfort you, to honor and protect you, forsaking all others and remain faithful to you for as long as both of us shall live. 

I acknowledge you, Tan Wai Jia, to be my wife, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and honour, according to God's Holy Law and this is my solemn vow. 

I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage, with my body I honour you, with all that I am, I give to you, with all that I have, I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

This is not cut and paste. I spent the past few days memorizing this.  We decided to memorize the wedding vow because we both believe this is important.

And I never realize how serious this is until a brother prayed for me a few days ago in which he said,

"Pray for Cliff as he will be making a vow before You, Holy One.  How can a mere man make a vow before You."

What's a vow?  Didn't Jesus says don't make a vow or swear before Heaven?  I don't want to get too deep into analyzing this (at this not in this post).

For me, a vow, is made before the Lord a promise that you will do in His Name and for His Glory.  It is serious because it is a contract in which I made with the Lord.  It is almost like a covenant.

The only other time I made a similar promise like a marriage vow was in Dec 25, 2007 when I signed a contract with the Lord that I will seek Him first in everything I do.  It was a declaration that my life belongs to Him. I am heading my life over.   I no longer belong to myself.  He's my witness.  He's also the one I am making the contract with.  This is like a covenant. Except that a covenant is an agreement God made with man (not vice versa).

The instant I signed the contract, I was scared.  I was scared because I know there will be moment when I am weak and I will want to back out.  Then God will throw the contract in my face and tells me, "Look, Cliff. I keep my end of the bargain.  Why are you not keeping yours?"

You might think, Cliff, isn't it better not to make a promise you can't keep? Don't you feel trap?  God never ask us to sign anything.  We should live freely and enjoy all His Blessings.

This is an incorrect way in  following God. The contract I signed, though at times it is painful, it helped me laid a stronger foundation to seek Him and follow Him.  The reality is that I am not strong.  There are times when I am like Jonah. I want to run away. I want to live my own life. I want to be independent. I want to be happy. I love stuff.  I want to dictate how I live and how I serve.  In another words, I don't want to be a disciple.  I want to be disobedient.

It is exactly because of this contract, I am reminded and re-evaluate those situation where I have to make a choice to seek Him or not.  And this contract helped me walk His ways.  Not mine.

I am not here advocating every Christian must make a vow or a contract with God.  But I am here to say if we are to say we follow Jesus (aka being a Christian), then we better walk the talk.  If we are to walk, we better surrendering everything.  Everything means everything.  It means our lives.

I looked at John Piper, Tim Keller and D A Carson in this article about marriage vow and is encouraged.  These great role models of faith shared the vow kept their marriage strong.

In a few days (27th October), I will be standing before my family, before my friends, before the church, before the Holy One, and make a declaration that I will love, cherish and honor my wife to be.  Like the contract that sustained my walk with Christ.  This declaration will sustain our love and our marriage.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer told a young couple about to enter into holy matrimony: “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

Man Up on Relationship

I figure I jot this down while the thoughts are still fresh in my head (and in my heart)....

I've been through a number of discussion, especially with the male counterparts, about what it means to be Christian man.

I often joke that as guys we grunt, eat meat or other male stereotypes.  Sometimes, the discussion doesn't turn very Christian-like (edifying), as we (myself, too), the men criticize the opposite gender as.....

I remember once during such discussion, I told the group that we should man up.  What does this mean exactly?

At that point, I was sharing how guys got to know their Bible and be able to teach.

Lately, I am thinking manning up also means willing to be humble and sometimes even admitting you are wrong.  To some, this might not be a manly thing to do.  I've seen some guys, in attempt, to live this out, act with macho attitude, pride and throw in the submission part in order to get their way.

I was sharing with my fiancee tonight that when I get into a relationship, I want her to love God more than me.  Many people says that and I often ask myself what does that mean?  What does that look like? I don't want to say a cliche and not live it out.

At the Marriage Preparation Course, there was one line that the instructor repeated again and again.

It begins with me.

When it comes to conflict in marriage, it is my duty to fix it.  And sometimes it is me who is at fault.

How do I make her love God more than me?  How do I help her worship God more?  It begins with me.

First, am I following Jesus and am I following Him?

When it comes to disciple making, Jesus has one saying....it is painful but it centralizes everything about what it means to be His follower:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23

Sometimes it is dangerous for me to say what I believe.  I have to ask myself, am I living this out.  The Lord is the Lord of the Universe. I cannot hide my heart.  He sees through my veil of lies and deceptions.  The world can praise me for my works.  But He sees the heart.

Am I blinded?  Is my motives pure?  Or am I saying one thing and doing another?  Or as James wrote in his letter, am I the fool who stare in the mirror and walk away forgetting how I look like (James 1:23)?

How is this relate to relationship?  Is this some far spiritual talk that has no relevant to husband and wife?

I love my fiancee dearly.  Sometimes she notices that I don't share our love as publicly as I should.  And I want to offer her the best thing.  The best thing, for those who experience Him, is the experience of God.  It is incredible. It changes heart.  It changes everything.  And I want her to be as close to Him as possible.

And it begins with me.  Tonight, I told her, it begins with me taking up my cross everyday. It begins with me to be honest about my feelings and emotions.  It begins with me at times needing to be humble and ask for forgiveness when I mistreat her.  It begins staring deep into those moments when I throw a rage or a sarcastic remark because I didn't get what I want.

And for me, this is the cross I have to bear.  In the world, we often blame others.  And often we blame our parents, our family, our spouse.  The one who we love we place them as enemies and the source of our frustration, anger and disappointment.

For me, to man up, is to start looking within.

Last night, I was reading on Luke 6 on the Beatitudes.  Jesus said to not worry about the speck of dust in your brother's eyes and worry about the plank of wood in your eye.  He points out the hypocritical and pharisee-like attitude we have when we are filled with self-righteousness.

And so it begins with me looking at my own plank.

Amen!

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. - Luke 9:41-42

Priorities in a Christ-Centered Relationship

If you are a regular to Church, or perhaps you are part of a fellowship, you will often hear the message that we ought to put Christ first in our lives.

And sometimes we ask that ourselves, how am I doing that in my life?

And sometimes we think it is an impossible ideal.  What God ask for, to give up our lives, deny ourselves, sell our stuff and follow Him is impossible.  Worst, it is IMPRACTICAL.  Foolish thing to do.

And sometimes there's that tension.  I want to live for Christ.  But I got this to do next week.  I have to do that next month.  Well, in the end if I live a good life, take care of myself and do some good, then that will make me a good Christian.

And sometimes we choose to ignore that tension.  Yes, we should live our lives for Christ.  But I got this big project next week.  Or I have bills to pay.  And so we choose the our lives problems and focus on those first.

And sometimes we place our agendas as God's agendas.

And sometimes we give up our agendas and wait for His.

...

Agendas and priorities.

Perhaps that's what on my mind.  Where's my priority? Or more importantly, what's His Priority?

You need to get a ring.  You need to set a date.  You need to work out your finances.  You need to communicate..you need to...you need to....

I was joking with her as we were setting down a date.  Let it be October 13.  In Cantonese, the pronunciation of thirteen also means 'must give birth' or 'must live'.  It is considered to be a lucky number because it symbolize birth and life.

As I was thinking about this, I realized I had a bigger concern.  Where do God wants us to go? How the future will be like? What's the ministries we will be doing?  How will we support one another?

But really, the one question is where God wants us to go?

That should be the priority that override all the other priorities.

So we pray about this now. The date, though, it is important.  And it is inconvenience for those who want to come and not sure when is secondary. I do not have one.  I know we will get marry. It is not a matter of when but when is His timing.

The focus is to seek Him.  To put Him first.  Where does He wants us to go? Stay in Asia? Stay in Africa?

And though we might not know when we will get marry. We have much peace to know that He is in charge.

Her

It took me some time to write this post.  Partly because I don't know where to start.  The story is beautiful and intertwine with God at work.  Perhaps, the first question I can start is when Christian say...this is God at work.

What does that mean?

If I wish for something, say a new job.  I pray for it.
And I get it, is that God at work?
Or if I don't get the job? Is that God at work?

Of course, one of the basic truths we dare to proclaim is that God is at work in everything. In good and in bad. There's no separation where we classify, ok this is human part. And this is God's part.

When it comes to relationship and marriage, we often talk about Godly relationship.  How does that look like? And sometimes I think, myself included, we impose what we have in our mind as in a Godly relationship.  To some, this might be a person who goes to church.  To others, this might be someone who is leading a fellowship.

As for me, I know that in part in what I look for in a relationship is not just about the relationship.  Many of my friends often joke that I will find someone who likes triathlon or into endurance sports.  Though that can be quite lovely as we have many things in common.  But rarely do someone (not that I can recall) come up to me and say, you gotta find a person who can go reach out to the poor or do mission with you.

Though we talk about and most of Christians will agree in a Godly marriage to seek God first, rarely do the pursuit for mission is an attractive or selling point as a potential lover or a husband or wife.

And I must admit, relationship is not my strong point and I don't dare to claim as expert in relationship and define this as the PERFECT and only way for Christians to get together.  This is just my experience and I am still learning as I am moving along...

One will think that just because you are single you are looking for a relationship automatically.  This might be true and there's nothing wrong with that.  But for me, the past few years, I wasn't actively seeking for a relationship.  Yes, there are sisters in Christ which I found attracted to.  But I made a decision that for me, the person who I am marrying to must love mission and love the poor.

It is impossible for me to be in a relationship where I have to explain her why I choose not to take a higher pay job because I can associate more with the poor.  Or explain to her why I go out on the street at night. Or spend money for those who cannot afford a meal instead of buying brand name things (insert car, clothes, gifts, tvs, gadgets etc. etc.)

If that's the relationship, I rather stay single.  In fact, I have little or no problem to be single in pursuit for His Kingdom.  In 2007 Dec 25, I already signed a contract to God that I will seek Him first in everything I do.  My life is in His hands..this also include my relationship (or not).

...

And so God, in His splendid ways, decided to send someone to my blog and left a comment.  As I start reading her blog and finding out more about her.  I start to realize how much we have in common.  In fact, I admire her very much.  She has a heart for the poor, goes to Nepal and help fund raise for a Nepalese girl who needs ear surgery.  She writes children book.

But...a big but is that she is in Singapore and I am in Canada.  That's an ocean away. Twelve hours of difference.

I like her but there's not much I can do.  I know at that time, I wasn't going to Singapore. It would be crazy to just move over because of someone you met over the Internet.  I never really pray too much about it.  With our email conversations, we started to see how both of us have a lot in common.  Love for the poor.  Mission.  Triathlon(!).  

I once joke with a friend that I found an exact version of me...except she is much smarter.

It wasn't until earlier this year when I went to Cambodia that I came to Singapore to visit her for the weekend. Or at least that was the plan.  While I was in the plane that was about to take off, it had an engine problem and I stayed in Singapore for two extra days.   Of these two days, we got to spend one night talking with Grandpa Zhou.  This Grandpa who she sees regularly.

It's also a 'coincidence' how the same time she started to visit Grandpa Zhou, that's the same time I visit a homeless guy, R, in Toronto (back in 2008).  As I sit next to Grandpa Zhou and speak, she started to tear.  She was so touch that I acted so normal to this Grandpa.

Before flying back home, I told her that I would love to get into a relationship but at that point, not knowing when I will come back, it wasn't a good idea.  I told her I would be back.  But I will have to pray to God first.

When I came back home, Canada, an Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF) missionary offered me a role in Singapore.  Of all the offices OMF has around the world, it's in Singapore.  Another 'coincidence'.

It was during my application to OMF when God and I had a discussion (maybe more like a monologue).  What if things didn't work out in Singapore with her?  Then what happen?  Nothing is guarantee.  It was during this conversation I asked myself, will I still willing to sell everything, go, and serve Him?  Without a doubt in my mind, I said yes.  Not because I figure this will be some way I can sneak in and get the relationship.  Because, as I said before, I seek God first.  Everything second, including my life.  And this gives me great confidence in going to Singapore.  Yes, there's no guarantee and things might not work out.  I know why I am going (and I told her so too). And no, it probably ain't that romantic or so charming for courtship.  But I feel she has the right to know where my heart is.

I told her a while ago that we would be a great couple to do mission together.   I still believe this is true. Perhaps of all the things great about her is her heart and compassion for the lost and for the Lord.

A few days ago, we took Grandpa Zhou for dinner.  The way she talked to him and the way she took care of him, I was touched.  In serving Grandpa Zhou and buying him grocery, the little things which is deem inconvenient she took the time, effort and money to do so. She did it with joy and gentleness.

Me, her, Grandpa Zhou, and a friend.

Two nights ago, she asked me two questions:

She: Do you love God more than me?
Me: Yes
She: Do you love me?
Me: Of course!
She: Yes and that's how the order should be.

With talks over adopting kids in need, going on missions and building orphanages and preparing a guest room to invite the homeless in to stay with us, I think this is what it means to be in a Godly relationship. Where we strive each other to love God and love others more.

Where the relationship is not merely the love of two people toward one another.  Or the love of a couple toward God in a private manner.  

Rather, it should be the love of God shining toward the couples and the couple expresses to those around them.  Especially to those who are lost.

This is not the relationship I expected.  It wasn't even a relationship I was seeking.  Through it all, we see how God places coincidence after coincidence together. I am still in awe of how things are unfolding.

Awesome!

Meaning of Marriage (Christian Context)

I was given a task to answer the question: what does marriage means to me?

Not that I given this topic much thought as I wasn't in a relationship or never really thought about marriage (or at least thought about it seriously).  I always find it fascinating that marriage was already define in second chapter of Genesis.  It is after the creation story and right after God create man and woman.  It is almost as a high priority in God's eyes to put marriage as a relationship between man and woman.

So here's my thoughts.  I thought it was rather Biblical (at least my interpretation of marriage). Of course I would and could share more and dig through other passages...but I was given a 500 word limit.

It's also interesting to note that it has little in similarity with the marriage we know as of today. With the wedding bells, the ceremony, the glitter and glamour of the event, focus on financial (car, house, living expenses etc.)....my definition is probably not the most romantic and probably won't sweep someone's off her feet.  But if it does attract someone, then she and I have something in common :O))

...

What does marriage mean to Cliff?

It is interesting to note that the author of Genesis put not only the origin of human in the beginning of the Bible, he also include marriage right after it.  In fact, if we take a look at the story of creation in Genesis 2, we can see that the story of creation and marriage is one story (Genesis 2:4-25). Right after God created woman by taking a rib from Adam, the man said:

“This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23 NASB).

The author then use verse 23 to explain why man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife to become one flesh (verse 24).

When I think about marriage and all that it contains; the wedding, bearing a family, living with one together, cry and laugh with one another, the purpose of marriage goes back to what Adam said.   There’s such closeness between husband and wife that they will be as close as to bones and flesh.

This is also the same description how Paul instructed the husbands in Ephesians 5:28-30.  The husband is to treat his wife as if she is his own body and flesh (like bones and flesh).  In NASB translation, he is to ‘nourish and cherishes’ (verse 29b) his wife, just as Christ does to the church.

When I read the passage about the roles of husband and wife in chapter 5 of Ephesians, specifically from verse 23 till the end of the chapter, Paul first instructed the husbands their role is to be “the head of his wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.”  Though the passage is talking about role of husband to take care of his wife, Paul is also interchangeably using the same analogy and one-ness of husband and wife to describe the Church and Christ.

The husband is the head of the wife (just as Christ is the head of the church).  Husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loves the church (verse 24).  Plus, the husband ought to sanctify her with the Word.  There’s an Old Testament sacrificial imagery from using water to cleanse and purify the wife and so to present the wife as no spot, or wrinkle and be holy and blameless (verse 27).

The role of the he husband is the spiritual leader in the household and in marriage.  He first has to know the Word so he can help his wife grows toward the Lord.  I heard from a friend’s wedding that the groom told in front of the congregation that it is his job to help his bride love God more than him.  This is as close as cleansing and sanctifying a husband can do.  The husband ought to help the wife loves Christ more than him.

Lastly, back to the Genesis 2, the reason why Eve was created was because Adam needs a suitable helper.  The purpose of the marriage is for the husband and wife to help and encourage one another.  They are to support one another in doing the Lord’s work.   Just as in Ephesian 5, the Lord lays His life for the church, that’s the sacrificial love that the husband ought to bear for his wife.

Kingdom Seeking Relationship

I am right now at OMF learning the role and the ministry.  So a bit busy in the moment to post updates.

A good (and Godly) friend sent me this earlier the week.

It pretty much sums out the type of relationship I desire and also the focus of the relationship...

Not only praying for Him to keep opening doors for you both to walk into together as a couple to serve Him in this world for His kingdom!!  but also for you both to grow intimately .. to "know" Him intimately ... the sweetness and goodness of serving together, the sweetness and goodness knowing that no matter how hard the ministry and mission He set you both to be in, it is His love binding you both together, His faithfulness fueling your relationship, His love and mercy following you both all days of your lives!!! 

A constant reminder is that the relationship is not self seeking.  It is beyond just a couple.  But rather it is a longing to seek His Kingdom together.  Where two people become one in glorifying Him not by merely living a good life but rather an utter obedience to God in the ministry He called the couple to partake.

As such, all lofty goals and dreams and desire of comfortable and security is set aside...

...so do not worry about the food you eat or the clothe you wear (or the person you married or the house you own or the career you will have or the things you will own or the vacation you will go)...rather seek first His Righteousness and His Kingdom.......

Chat: On Marriage and Beauty

me: something that Tim Chester wrote


i really thought about this and took it to heart
  
u should always find your wife beautiful
  
like when u grow old together..u should still find (or learn to find) your wife beautiful
  
i think that's important


i mean...appreciate her beauty..is important...
  
everyone is beautiful b/c everyone is created in the image of God
  
it is just our culture distorts bueaty
  
culture distorts beauty..b/c it projects what everyone should be
  
but that's not true
  
like this..in North America.if u are skinny.and tall..u are consider to be beautiful
  
in other culture..like in Africa..if u are chubby u are consider to be beautiful


some cultre like dark skin..some like white skin
  
so beauty is all relative...culture...or people and media..we heighten that superficially


haha u are taking advice from a single guy who ain't getting marry anytime soon :P


D: we all have different measuring sticks.

me:  my measurement stick is my wife..(future wife)
  
and yours is ur wife

D: it's good. i don't believe you need to be married to be enlightened about relationships.
  
yeah, that's the thing.

me: maybe when i get married and i get de-enlightened about relationships :P

Wait for the Lord

Because of the nature of my job and I work in the Internet Marketing industry, I response to emails very very quickly.  If I know the answer, I will fired back a response in a few minutes.

With my quick response nature, almost real-time, I often expect God to give me a response just as fast.

And walking with the Lord for a few years now, I know this usually doesn't happen.

Especially in times when my heart is yearning for an answer.

I often consider the Lord's answer like snail mail.  He takes His time.  Not instantaneous.

And we see that often in the Bible as well.

Abraham and Sarah waiting for many years, well in their old age, to receive a child.
Jacob worked 14 years for the Father in law to marry the girl of his dreams, Rachel.
Hannah praying for year after year to conceive a child.
Hundred years of Israelites crying out to the Lord when they were enslaved by the Egyptians.
David, anointed by Samuel as the King of Israel, spent months hiding and running away from Saul.

And like the people in the Bible, we might be praying for things that are important.  For marriage, for a child, for safety and protection.

A few months ago, there was a moment where I was frustrated with God.  I met a Godly lady and we got along quite well. We connected on many levels, especially on how we serve the Lord.  The 'sad' part is that she is in a relationship.  Her boyfriend didn't want her to go to missions.  Nuts!

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I remembered a few years ago I was placed in a similar situation.  One of my friend said, 'too bad she is in a relationship huh? You guys are so well together.'  At that moment, I remembered very vividly asking God that I am much suitable for her than him.  Can He do something to break them up?

Ouch.  I am so glad God didn't answer that request.  I cannot imagine how my spiritual life will skew if that happen and I treat it as God's blessing for me to pursuit her.

===

So back to a few months ago, I remembered when I erred.  Instead of what I want, I prayed for them and for their well-being.  After all, they are brother and sister in Christ.  I want God to work on them so they can serve the Lord together as one.

It's amazing how the Lord can change and transform heart.  Especially my own heart.   I had been listening to Tim Keller's sermons on the Prodigal God (The parable of the Prodigal Son).  There is one bit where he said that a Christian loved the Father.  Not the things that He provided.  Aka..Lord, you don't have to answer my prayers and I still follow you.

Recently, I put triathlon down. I am not doing any races this year and maybe forever. Until the Lord speaks and directs.  One would think that I would be upset over this as this is what I am known for (Christian Triathlete!)  I have so much peace.

And with relationship. I no longer pray for that anymore.  He can give and He cannot give.  He knows what I need.  He doesn't have to answer any of my prayer.  And that's ok.  Also, I have peace.

My Lord is a Mighty God.  My Lord is not just the Lord who provide my job, car, house, friends, relationship.  Granted, these are good things.  He is bigger than a genie.  There are bigger things than meeting my needs.  The injustice and the poverty ravaging around the world.

I have to get smaller so God gets bigger.  And I want God to get bigger because the things He can do is truly amazing.  What can I do (maybe write many blog posts with bad grammars :DDD).

And I am waiting for the Lord. To wait for His direction.  For His calling.  To go where He guides.  I am not jumpy.  Not edgy.  Just a peace in His Grace and in seeking His Beauty.

Taken from March 14 post on Beauty:

God.

May You changed my heart so I only desire Your beauty.

May You reveal Your beauty around me so I can see it, feel it and rejoice in it.

You know I will follow You regardless if You answer my prayers or not.

I will give up everything. There is nothing else matter more than Your beauty.

Transform my heart so I will not lose sight of You nor forget You.

May I always remember Your great promise, Your gracious and loving kindness nature.

May I always remember how Your redeem me and restored me to your sonship.

I will seek Your beauty.

Relationship: The List

Picked this list from Boundless Line.

When it comes to relationship, there is usually a list of things that one person looks for in the other person...

Boundless came up with a list that I found quite relevant. It is definitely a high standard. For me, I don't think I have much of a list...I remember telling a friend that she has to...

#1 love God
#2 Look at #1... :P

I found that from my previous relationship experiences, I like each person for different reason. Granted, the things I found attracted are very common and generic (example gentleness or compassion). Interesting is that things like hobby is not on the top or even on my list. I figure if we are in a relationship, we can find something we both like.

....anyway. This list I figure is a good check up on myself as I develop and mold to be a Godly man....

Spiritual

• Will he be the spiritual leader of your home?
• When you share with him your deepest spiritual thoughts, does he relate?
• Do his life and conversation reveal that he is truly connected with the Savior?
• Do his goals in life show that he wants to please the Lord above all?
• Are his goals in life compatible with yours?

Emotional

• How does he handle anger?
• (Added by me) Does he demonstrate emotional stability?

Mental

• Do you respect him intellectually?

Financial

• Does he have a gambling addiction?
• Does he have a spending addiction?
• How does he handle finances (budgeting, what he spends money on, tithing)?
• Is he a diligent, dependable worker?
• Does he make enough money to support you and future children?
• Does he expect you to work outside the home, or does he expect you to stay home with the kids?