"Though it tarry, wait for it." Habakkuk 2:3
Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God is the source of patience, because it imparts a moral inspiration. Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God. He "endured, as seeing Him Who is invisible." A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself. You always know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes with it; things come with largeness and tonic to the life because everything is energized by God. If God gives you a time spiritually, as He gave His Son actually, of temptation in the wilderness, with no word from Himself at all, endure, and the power to endure is there because you see God.
"Though it tarry, wait for it." The proof that we have the vision is that we are reaching out for more than we have grasped. It is a bad thing to be satisfied spiritually. "What shall I render unto the Lord?" said the Psalmist. "I will take the cup of salvation." We are apt to look for satisfaction in ourselves - "Now I have got the thing; now I am entirely sanctified; now I can endure." Instantly we are on the road to ruin. Our reach must exceed our grasp. "Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect." If we have only what we have experienced, we have nothing; if we have the inspiration of the vision of God, we have more than we can experience. Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually.
I can say for the past few weeks, ministries and other area of my life created more pressure than I can endured. There was one night where I lied on my bed and told God, 'Lord, sometimes following You is so hard.' I longed for relief. Longed for an easier way. The mind quickly weaken with ideas like, 'why can't my life be ______ [insert another person]. His life is so much easier. Why should I have to do all these work? No one appreciate it anyways. Can't I focus on things that truly matters?'
Just as Jesus was tempted in the wild. Far away from God. For weeks, I felt very far away from Him. I know He is near but I do not feel it. I longed for those intimate moment when I was so close to Him I can barely sleep at night.
Yesterday, I went for a jog around my neighborhood. It is Spring and the weather hadn't warm up yet. Amidst a drizzle of light rain. I ran along paths of familiarity of my childhood. I ran past my elementary school. I ran past my friend's house. I ran past by streets where I use to bike when I was little. I ended the run in a park, in the forest. Though the weather was cool and chilly, the lifeless branches have a number of sprouts. I was surprised to see signs of life flourishing among the dreaded weather we've been having.
Perhaps, the dreadful weather is not as dreadful. Just as the pressure of what I thought cannot endure, can be endured through seeking His Presence. And so, I come back to a place where I am most familiar of. Like running in my neighborhood. The childish desire to be in His Presence.