A while ago, when my church had a disagreement. People started putting up sides. Preparing to defend based on what they heard and seen.
I was angry, too. I remembered saying, 'I want justice.'
As weeks go on, I reflected on it. I feel the pain and the sadness. I no longer want justice. I desire grace.
A lot of justice and no grace feels hallow. Sure the battle is won. I just feel empty inside. And I can see everyone else is tired too. Tired and weary souls. Carrying on everyday with a hope of something better.
Sometimes at the pursuit of truth, do we forgo the thoughts of mercy, grace and reconciliation?
That's what been dwelling in my mind recently.
I can be upset. I can be angry. I can feel my blood boil. I want to shout. I want to find out the culprit and make them pay. ...but a little part of me ask..so what.
When the dust settles, we left with ruins and everything a mess. People have justice and they are scarred inside. The cost might just be too high.
I am not afraid of the truth. Though a part of me is skeptical about the truth. Not the Biblical Truth. I mean, the truth what someone thinks is right or wrong. Perhaps this is coming from a post modern culture. Everyone says what they think is truth. The reality is there is no truth. No fact is objective because everything is subjective. Maybe this is the democratic belief we live in, we all believe we have our rights and our voices heard. Those who speak louder, tended to be heard.
I believe what I believe based on the truth I was given. Or I choose to twist the truth to believe what I want to believe. Everyone carries a curved lens and try to prove to another that they are seeing straight. Even if we are as earnest in fixing the problem.
In a situation fill with raging emotions and anger, truth is truth. It is a minor t. It is no longer truth.
Jesus offers something better. He offers justice with love and grace and mercy. He welcomes us regardless who we are. He elevates us when we are down and calls us as His friends. He calls us to make peace with our brothers and sisters. He calls to pray for our enemies. He calls us to not fight back. He assures us the Heavenly Father will take care of us. He shows us what it means to reconcile relationships even at our very own expense (He, the innocent man died on the cross for a crime He didn't commit).
The name of the game is not about who is right or who is wrong. Not about who gets to sit next to Him. It is about to serve one another. To support one another. Before Him, we are all wrong anyways. What justice is it for Him to died for us? One can almost say that's 'injustice'. God let His innocent Son died for us. Why shouldn't that serve as a way for us to love one another?
hmm..I wish I take back what I said. Given what I gone through right now and the unseen-able future, I would say, "I want grace"
Because when I want justice, with no grace, I know I will lose in the long run.