So we decided to chat over a pint of beer. As he shared about some of the struggles he had, I could not help but to share mine.
I told him God had impressed me through the past few months to go and reconciled with relationships that I wronged. Impress might be not the right word. It was more of conviction. In a prayer for reconciliation, the Lord told me...'You want reconciliation between two groups?...Fine. But first why don't you go reconcile with those who you wrong?"
To be honest, deep inside, I know those whom I wronged. I know those who I should apologize.
Also to be honest, and the fact is I did not feel like apologizing at all. Not only do I chose not to do it, I found DELIGHT in not doing so.
I am right. They are wrong. I don't care. If it hurts them..even better.
And this is sin at its best (or worst).
If we take a look at the Laws. The ten commandments, it wasn't just the actions that were wrong. Yes, you shouldn't kill someone. You shouldn't steal. You shouldn't worship idols. But the worst part ain't the action. It is the motive behind the action. It is the joyful disobedience that God hates.
Through my own experience and reading through the Bible, I come to a conclusion that the heart is rebellious against God in nature.
We can see this all the way back in the Garden of Eden. When the serpent tempted Eve in Genesis 3, this was her response:
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:6)
Pleasing to the eye. How often is the sin in my life is also joyful in a sinister way. And this is what God hates the most.
My friend asked me, how did I came to this point. I told him, only the power of God can change someone's heart.
I was glad I could share this because we rarely talked about God.
I told him I was so full of self pride that even though I knew I was wrong, I chose to ignore it.
It ain't a big deal. No one really cares...
Only when God cracked my heart and showed me who my true self, I could do nothing but bowed down and go reconcile those who I wronged.
And that's the power of God. It had nothing to do with me. I was just a broken soul caught a glimpse of His Greatness. He just worked right through me.
I hope I will never forget this. That it is God at work through the whole process. And that I can bask and rejoice in His Glory. If He can redeem a rebellious soul like me, He is indeed sovereign, merciful, compassion, ever loving kindness. AMEN!!!