In the midst of darkness and isolation, I smile. For I know I am not alone.
The last half of last year, I have been feeling up and down. Perhaps this is a bit of naive thinking, I always thought when someone has a desire to share the Gospel, the Christian circle will encourage. This might be a self center mentality (I need help and I expect you to help me in this way. If you me in this way, we are not friends....etc etc.).
Instead, I found is isolation and loneliness. I was reading a The Making of a Leader: Recognizing the Lessons and Stages of Leadership Development for my leadership course a few days ago. The author wrote about a timeline of how God transformed people into leaders. There is a stage where there is a feeling of isolation. Hmm....that felt very real. I can share that experience. It wasn't just head knowledge. But an experience associate with pain and struggles.
Perhaps this is the fleshly desire to be comfortable and complacent. Sometimes isolation is a good thing. How? This is the point where I am alone with God and a test and a trial to see whether I am following Christ alone and depend on Him solely. This is where I can see whether I am for real or not. Whether I am paying lip service or sold out for Christ.
Now, I am going through a second round of isolation.
This time, I will not be fill with bitterness and resentment.
I will not fight back. I already step away from the shore of comfort and complacency. I can go back to where I once was. I can still see the shore. I smile. Even it is tempting for the eyes and to the heart to head back where I started. I know where that lies. The shore that goes nowhere.
Besides..following Christ and living on faith alone is way too exciting :DDDD
No. I am going to focus my energy on Him alone. For He redeemed me to be His children and He called me to follow a path for His Kingdom. He already show me what's out there. He already done everything that need to be done. What more should I ask?
And so I will lean on Him. Even more so. I do not like the dependency on someone else. But now, the I can do all this on my own mentality is dead. Now I have to humble myself and seek.