Relationship

I still remember a year ago.

A relationship grinds to a halt.

After weeks and months of emotional up and down, I knew it was about to end. It is not about who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes, some things in life it is too much grey area to discern that. And often times, it really ain't about the right and the wrong.

There were a lot of what-ifs, maybes and perhaps. And at that point of my life, things wasn't going anywhere.

I was leading my fellowship and we had a huge fight over one another action. There was definitely a lack of compassion and love.

I quit my job. It was something I should have done earlier.

I went back to Hong Kong to attend my grandma's funeral. I had a lot of alone time.

In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, I had a lot of questions and emotions were going all over the place. Boy, did I had a lot of questions.

Perhaps the biggest one of all is, 'God, I do not understand. Can you explain it to me?'

During the long training, the long bike rides, I conversed with God. And a lot of times it is gripping with God. A lot of it ain't fair. A lot of it I thought was so perfect.

Tonight, over coffee, I was sharing with a brother that relationship with God..much like relationship with anyone you love, has its up and down times.

And it is ok. As I reflected, I started to see the struggle helped me become the person I am today. And at times, there will be struggling in trying to understand about God. About who He is. About what He is doing. About seeking Him.

On those quiet bike rides, God didn't revealed His game plan. He just told me, 'Cliff, you just have to have faith in me. Why are you so worry? Do you have no faith in me?'

And boy, does God ever provide. Not only through blessings but transformation of the heart.

It is interesting to see that the choice whether to follow or not is the decision that transforms. And I had a choice during those bike rides, I can choose to walk away or choose to stay.

And since then, everyday, the same choice is being made. Do I deny myself and carry my cross? Or not. Do I allow the Holy Spirit to transform my heart? Or not.

And in a lot of things, the same thing that give us joy is the same thing that hurt us the most. It is almost a paradox. And in relationship, the person who hurt us the most is often the person who we love the most. A paradox.

As I look back a year ago, the best decision I made was sticking with one Relationship I refuse to let go. That no matter the storms in my life, I continued to follow His way. Even at times blindly.....for suffering for Him is the greatest joy one can imagine.