Go Crazy

Tonight, my friend passed me this song from U2.  I always enjoy U2 and their lyrics.  They say they are Christian.  Some say they ain't.  When I look at the song and the lyric, I can't help but to see God's characters sprinkle through it....simply so good!  Yes, sometimes in life you gotta go crazy.  If not, you will go crazy sooner or later...as for me, I rather go crazy soon...the sooner the better! ;o)

"I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"

She's a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life
Knows I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
There's a part of me in the chaos that's quiet
And there's a part of you that wants me to riot


Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit
Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it
Oh, a change of heart comes slow


It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me or are you doubting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight


Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Pity the nation that won't listen to your boys and girls
'Cause the sweetest melody is the one we haven't heard
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear
The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow


It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I'll be shouting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But you know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight


Baby, baby, baby
I know I'm not alone
Baby, baby, baby
I know I'm not alone


Oh oh oh


It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I'll be shouting
Shouting to the darkness
Squeeze out sparks of light


You know we're gonna go crazy
You know we'll go crazy
You know we'll go crazy if we don't go crazy tonight


Oh, slowly now
Oh, be slow

Ping Pong....

I like Krish's philosphy.  Before winning first comes having fun.  Then after having fun, you need to have passion.  After passion, you need to fight.  After fighting, you can win.  The simplicity of a ten year old.

PONG from California is a place. on Vimeo.

Lightweight living

I read this article a few days ago.  It is about a couple who after coming from a long hike and realized there were a lot of things in their life they don't need.

What do you do with things you don't need?  You chuck it out.

This is what they did.  They started to give away their possessions and realized there is a lot that they don't need to live.  The couple are serious hikers.  They are the type that will spent weeks in the trails with everything they needed on their back.

And hikers admired those who can hike with less.  Too many possessions on the trail will weight you down.  Less is more.  There was one extraordinary hiker by the name of Wolf.  He carried a pack weighting only 14 lbs including food and water.

From my own experiencing of camping. Not hiking.  Camping.  The type where you drive to the camp site.  Quite tame :).  I could barely get my backpack to 14 lbs including my sleeping bag.

The author goes on explaining how hikers had a tendency to attach to their possessions.  How true that happened in our culture as well.

...

A few weeks ago, after church over lunch, we were talking about wedding and buying a house.  Average wedding 30,000.  A good down payment for a house...about 70,000.  That's 100 k!

What else can someone do with  $100,000?  Well, more than half of the world make less than 2 dollars a day.  Let say one person makes on average 700 dollars a year.  We can take care 142 people for one year!

hmm the disparity era that I live in.

...

Going back to the article, the author continued on discussing about our view of success if often proportional to how much stuff we have.  The more stuff we have, the bigger house we need to store it in.  The bigger house we need, the bigger expense we need to protect it (insurance, security etc.)

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago.  He is getting marry and recently bought a house.  We talked about how our possessions start to take control of us.  There are things we need. There are things we want. There are also things we think we need and think it is good for us when they are really idols in our lives.  I don't want to lecture my friend about how to spend money.  As the subject of money t is quite sensitive. Often when I bring it up, most people tend to keep quiet or dismay at the topic.

I told him to read the Bible, see what Jesus has to say about money, pray and seek the Holy Spirit and see where He is leading him in that matter.

How odd in a culture that values getting more, acquiring more, and collecting more, the thought of living with less and simply is very attractive.  I can see many sources of stress in my life are because simply I have too much, not because I have too little.  The stress of deciding what to do with all the stuff.  The stress on trying to cram everything into my schedule.  The stress of making more so I can take care of all the bills.

The society expectation to look great, eat healthy, work hard, have fun, go out for adventure, have a stable income, have good friends, be a good family, be independent......not that all these things are bad.  I just dislike the pressure to perform and expected to perform.  The unconscious exclusion when someone don't meet the norm.  (heh, we all value individuality..yet we only value it when it is our individuality is met.  If another person has a different set of individuality, we will think that person is different)

When I went to Australia for the World Transplant Games, I spent two weeks afterwards to backpack along the coast.  Because I had to carry everything over my shoulders, I was very focus and cautious on what to bring and what to leave out.  There were many souvenirs that were nice. But they weren't essentials.   So I discarded them.  My pack was as simple as I could make it.  I was quite proud.  It was great.  It was free.

On this walk with Christ, I strive for lightweight living. So I can walk faithfully along the narrow path that leads to life.

The article ends with a quote from Wolf

“All we need to know is that it’s possible.” 

And we know it is possible because Jesus has shown us the way.

After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

(Luke 10:1-3)

Thirty

I am turning thirty tomorrow

30 seems like a big number.

Where have all the time gone. It was almost yesterday when I was still 25.

There seemed to be a lot of expectations and changes.

Friends are getting married.

Having kids.

Moving on with their career.

Owning houses.

And there is a sense of lostness.

I don't think I changed that much. Some say I am more mature. I still think I am just as immature in my thinking :P. Laughs and joke a lot.

Last night, I was reading Experiencing God. There was one section where the author wrote that we tend to look at time as temporary. Whereas God looks the eternal picture. When we view time as how God views it, we wouldn't be worry about what happen in the future.

hmm....

This morning, my mom showed me a few photos I haven't seen before. This was taken right after I had my transplant.

Here's two of them. They were taken about four months after my transplant at my first transplant games. Side note: I won my first gold for 5 km bike race :)

My first bike that have more than one gear. I rode it through grade 5-grade 8.

I can still remembering before I crossed the finish line, people were cheering at me to keep going. There was a kid who was right behind me.

I was riding tonight and I thought about this. When I looked at my past...in the past five years, I did one Ironman, a few Half Ironmans and marathons, went to Australia to win a gold and silver in the World Transplant Games. I had a chance to speak in a number of engagement to share my experience.

It's just amazing how things turn out. If five, ten or fifteen years ago, someone told me all these I would think they are nuts. And to be honest, sometimes I feel like I ain't in control. It is like sitting front row watching myself move along this crazy track call life.

....hmm....yeah...just grateful to be alive...

What are the odds of...

1. Migrate to Canada and received FREE medical and health plan (my family pay nothing for my operation and the drugs I am taking right now)
2. Diagnose with cancer from a random blood test (I had no visible signs of having cancer)
3. Be on the Waiting list and found an organ in six months (most people died from waiting too long)
4. No body rejections from this still un-proven operation
5. Getting drunk (lots!) in university and the liver is still healthy
6. Having a liver transplant for 19 year and it keeps on ticking! (Well liver doesn't really tick..but you know what I mean)
7. Swim, bike and run long....and loving it...

Seems like a miracle to me....

Thanks for reading...

As for me, I think I will keep riding and enjoy the scenery.

Hasn't Hit Me Yet

I am always a fan of Blues Rodeo. Maybe because I am pessismistic in nature.

I like the lyric and the song goes straight to the heart.

This is one of the song I listen to a lot a while back.....

I never thought this could happen
But somehow the feeling is gone
You got sick of the patterns
And I got lost in this song
Hey hey I guess it hasn't hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this streetlight
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

Hey hey I guess it hasn't hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this streetlight
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

Hmm..nothing like in the street watching the snow comes down on a cold winter night.

And out in the middle of Lake Ontario
The same snow is falling
On the deep silent water
The great dark wonder
Into the waves of my heart
Into the waves of my heart
Of my heart...

Busy-ness

This week I have been busy.

Work had me working on multiple projects at once. My church is having an anniversary and I am in charge of creating a video. I am going to Transplant Games in Australia in Aug and have to plan for that. Just right now, I am taking a look at the courses I need to take for Mac Div. None of the courses, I need I can take as I have work full time.

This is not include two weeks of training I have left before Half Ironman Peterborough.

Today after work, my mind was numb. I was so busy and tired I didn't have time to think. I was planning to go for a bike ride. I ditched that and ended up praying and taking a nap.

It is very much easy to get distracted with busy-ness. Fast pace life. Things start to fly around. Relationships seem to be less important. As often, I need to stop and focus on where my hopes lie on. Not on physical things as they fade and rust away.

Tomorrow, I am doing a morning ride before going to the dentist. This is the rare moment I can be quiet and meditate. I needed to be out in the wilderness. Out on the road the Sanctuary stretches and is full of Creator's grace and beauty. Just looking the sun racing across the sky, I am already in awe of His Glory.

How come...

how come when I am out, I feel like I rather have my quiet time.

How come when I have the quiet time, I feel like socializing?

How come I check Facebook 10-20 times a day? Or religiously check Gmail whenever I get a chance?

Or have the urge to reply to every email and give people my thoughts and opinions on everything?

...

Yesterday I submitted my paper. I did one last read before I handed it in. After Wednesday, I actually stopped thinking about it. I gave to my friend to have it proof read. When I got it back, I took my time to re-read again.

Compare to my previous paper done in University, this one I really took my time and letting the ideas brew. Looking over it one last time and given some time off from the paper, I could see how my ideas are formed and flow from one point to the next.

I can say there is a lot more I need to work on. A lot of I don't know what I don't know. I can say and hope to see the prof marked me areas which my argument is weak or not concise. I am pretty sure I have a few grammar mistakes here and there (though I hope they are minor).

So my course is done.

I definitely need some quiet time tonight. Just me and God. As much as I am tempted to spend more time on msn or gmail chat. I know pursuing those things when I need quiet time I will end up tired and thirsty.

Clarity

You know you are a Panera nerd when the waitress asked if you are there everyday. Since Monday, I've been at Panera Bread to work on my paper. It takes a lot of effort for me to pour out ideas into a few hundred words.

I always admire authors who can communicate complicate ideas in simple terms (Jim Collins in Good to Great or Jared Diamond in Guns, Germs, and Steel).

In other words, clarity.

There are times when reading something I just wrote and think, hey that's not what I have in my mind. I figure this skill is important for my own thinking process and for communication.

The good news is that my paper is done. The last few hours were a struggle as I am easily sway by the thought of let's just pile crap together and get it over with.

...
Note to self: The challenge of a paper is to fight against procrastination. Ideas and thoughts takes a long time to process. To cramp it will result in a slobbering job.

I started writing the paper two weeks ago. This week, I spent more time at it (2-3 hr everyday). I could should have started this paper much earlier. At least 2-3 months ago when I thought about the ideas, reading books and discerning and praying.

If i started to write three weeks ago and each time spent 45 min to an hour writing, the paper will a better thinking flow process. Like slow dripping. this will translate to a 'better' paper. Though I am not aiming for high marks but i want to write a good paper to reflect my thinking process and i think things through.

I remember an artist one described a marble statue he craved. The statue was already there. He simply removed the extra pieces.

That's how I felt about my paper. A huge amount of work was spent on polishing (and there is more to be polish). Great works require a lot of preparation. And procrasinatino will kill this process.

To fight against procrasination. Start earlier than I think i need and let the slow drip process brew a good paper :) I got another course next term. I am goign to start applying that.

On a lighter note

It seems that most of the post on this blog has been quite serious and heavy.

On Sat night, went to hangout with a brother I haven't seen for a while. We had a good meal and watched a movie afterward. It was fun. It was nice that this brother offered to open his house. It was good to catch up on things. The night ended off with me making reference of my fat thighs. I realized my jeans were getting tighter (where my thighs are). :)

On Sun, I got up at the usual time. 7:45. For some reason, I was out the door fairly quickly. I even had time to brew a fresh cup of coffee.

I pulled to the church parking lot, turned off my car and sat there.

For a few minutes, I was by myself and with God. I drank my coffee and had some crackers.

I didn't think. Though there are many on the list to do. The usher, the annoucements, Bible Quiz, lunch, baby shower afterwards.

I reflected on what I learnt from the class. Pray to God to give me strength proportion to the task that I was given instead of pray to God to give me less things to do.

I missed love these quiet moments. To spend time with Him. To not rush into things. To not worry. To not dread.

Entertainment Over-dosage

The weekend I have been exhausted. A lack of sleep, school, fellowship, fellowship after fellowship, service and training leads to one tired Cliff.

This morning, I received an email from a friend to go to watch a movie tonight.

It is interesting how a part of me, despite being so tired and plan on staying home tonight, try to slot in a time to go for a movie.

After a quick thought, I decided to stick with my original plan. Stay home and rest.

I wonder how often do I let temptation of entertainment takes the best of my decision. Even at times, it is harmful for me.

...I am reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Great book. I breeze through the first chapter on Cheap Grace vs Costly Grace. So good. His words resonate through me. Can't wait to spend more time with the rest of the book.