Soul of a Christian Triathlete

Tri talk: Getting back on the wagon

2012-01-28T06:37:00.002-05:00

Usually I blog about my Christian walk...this post will be a bit different.

I like to jot a few thoughts about my health, tri, training and fitness level.

It wasn't until earlier this month, Jan 2012, when I stared myself in the mirror and noticed how much out of shape I had become (aka 2nd trimester anyone?)

It coincided with the fact that my fitness level is very low. As in having trouble swimming than 80m or jogging more than 5 km non stop.

In Sept 2009 after the World Transplant Games, I decided to take a year off tri. Though I jog, bike and swim on and off, there were also many days when I do nothing. This plus the fact that I stop being as 'strict' on my diet....

So with all this in mind, I decided to get back on the wagon in Singapore. It was harder than I thought. It felt harder than the years when I am training and during the off season to kick start the engine. During those off seasons, it wouldn't take more than 2-3 weeks before I felt my body is ready to go. Some of the signs were:

i) Increase endurance -
ii) Increase appetite (when you train lots, you burn lots and therefore, you eat lots).

Right now, I still don't have the same feel.

There's also a few factors that come into play....

Motivation - I am no longer heavily training and therefore my goals are no longer just go as fast as possible for a tri. I feel it is much harder to get up and 'train' when I have no goal in a race or going 100% to train. Good thing my girlfriend trains so it is easy for us to do something together.

Before it was simple, there's a race coming up. Gotta train train train. Put in as many hours as I can. Now, oh I am tired right now....should swim but let's take a nap. :O

Body changes - Someone once said that you will feel old when you hit 30, 40, and 50 etc...Maybe this is part of my body changing (not including the body is still adapting to being in Singapore). I believe there's a part of it that my body is changing due to a new environment (feeling bloated, tiredness from the heat and humidity).

One more thing I want to jot down is the fact that I am not very sore after a workout despite the fact that I will be running out of breathe. For a swim, I will feel fatigue after 1-1.2 k. But my arms or shoulder are not sore. The type of soreness you get from training. This goes the same for jogging.

So I am suspecting that it is my lungs that's holding me back than my arms (or legs).

Though Singapore is a hotter and more humid place, I am surprise at how much energy it takes for me to train. When I was training back in 05,06 and 07, heat and humidity wasn't an issue. There were times when I was training in 30+ weather. Yet, right now, the weather saps my energy level.

Some say that it will take a month for the body to adapt to the weather. I am here for three months and so far, it feels about the same.

Is my goal to reach to my fitness level as I was before? Probably not. I might do a race for fun (if it is affordable). But more importantly, it is to keep my blood pressure down and other health reasons.

My goal, if I have a goal, is to be able to swim 2k, bike 100 km and run 10-15 km comfortably (not altogether). Though, altogether is not bad...(hey all we need is to add 6 more k and that's a Half Ironman distance!)

When I was training, there's a gear (pace) where it feels like I can go forever. This gear is not very fast (probably 2 min/100 m swim, 25kph bike, 6+ min/k run). But it was very comfortable. I can cruise in that gear forever. Even when I am tired. It would be good to get back to that gear.

One big lesson I realize is how hard it is to get in 'shape' (of course, shape is relative as my fast is someone's slow) for someone who is inactive. When I was training before, I would go hours at a time and wonder how come people can't do what I do. Now that I am out of shape and getting back on the wagon. Or realizing how hard it is to get back on the wagon, it is definitely not as easy as I thought.

Side note: Today I did a 55-60 k ride with my girlfriend and the Joyriders. It was fun. I never ride in a big group before. I also hadn't ride this long for a long time. There's nothing like going down the straight as you feel your lungs burning a bit and you keep telling your legs, 'keep MOVING, don't stop. Spin spin spin...'

I am falling in love with riding again..

Mature

2012-01-20T16:58:00.001-05:00

There’s a time when it must walk among the branches, looking over the height, over its surrounding. It must flap its wings. For a moment thinking whether they will hold itself in the air. There might be a sense of fear, excitement and above all, unknown.

How will flight taste like?

I am not sure if birds think as human do. Maybe it is part of their gene and wiring. When it reaches a certain point, the bird must fly. That’s what it is created for.

Last night I was listening to a sermon which struck me in the deepest way. Part of the sermon, the speaker said that the more immature you are, the bigger the sign you need and seek. After a while, God will stop answering your prayers and stop leading. Because you will know God and His Will so closely that you will know what His Will is.

I can recall for the past few months, I hear very little from the Lord. A lot of praying, seeking (and sometimes yelling) from my end. But He’s been silent.

It is almost as if the Lord is telling me, ‘Cliff, you know My Ways and you know my Will. You have done enough Bible study and seen me at work. Now the ball is in your court, go do my Work.’

And the immature me continue to stay in the nest. Seeking relentlessly for a sign and confirmation. Probably afraid to leave. Afraid to go. Afraid to do. Continue to ask, ‘what should I do? Give me a sign.’

Coming to Singapore. Being a missionary with OMF in the International Headquarters (IHQ). Giving up everything. Being in a relationship.

There are many changes in my life. As much as I rather stop and stay still to seek comfort, 2012 will be a continue of seeking His Faith as my life continue to change. And now, instead of trying to hang on to the past, the comfort of my old self, the desire to stay in the nest, it is time to move on, a new season has already come.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

It is time to leave the nest, look around and fly in the sky.

A sign of Christian maturity is not waiting for God to tell us what to do. It is not merely seeing signs and visions. It is in knowing God so intimately and His characters so well that our desire and His Will aligns, our body becoming the instrument of God. Through us, feeble bodies and broken souls, bring fourth the Kingdom of God.

Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be dome. On earth as it is in heaven.

2012, a new year

2012-01-03T19:24:00.000-05:00

Going to do a quick blog post before I go to OMF morning prayer.

There's a general feeling of reminisce at the end of a year.

2011.

What was I doing at the beginning of the year?

What happened?

What's going on now?
What did I miss?

What were the most memorable moments?

As often, looking back one year it feels like time went back really quickly and at the same time a lot of things had happened.

I went to Cambodia on a vision trip.

I am now part of Overseas Missionary Fellowship. Serving as an Associate in the International Headquarters in Singapore (a missionary).

My liver markers were off the chart and for a while I thought I was dying.

I am now in a relationship.

I am also quite out of shape. As in. I have a gut. It's amazing how in a mere two years of inactivity, I lost a large amount of fitness. Perhaps I should rename this blog as Christian Non-athlete.

Though, a new year comes new goals, hopes and dreams.

Here's a few items which I want to focus on for this year and this season of my life....

i) To be a deeper Christian and not a broader Christian. To dig deep in knowing God. To be fervent in prayer.

ii) To not stoop in the guilt of being out of shape (how could I done this) but rather live an active and healthy lifestyle.

iii) To once again dream on missions. The freedom to choose to be Christ to those around me in whatever circumstances I am in.

iv) To freely let go and surrender all that I have, own and value.

v) Focus on family.

I can foresee there are many changes in 2012. There are many uncertainty as well. Where will I go after OMF? This is a two year term. Will I stay? Where will I be living? In Singapore? In Canada?

Those questions are important questions indeed. Though the utmost important question is where is He leading me? (And, of course, am I willing to follow Him?)

Here it goes...if 2011 is a sign of following Christ with all its ups and downs...2012 will be just like that...if not more so :O)

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.

Matthew 4:19-20

Going back to the beginning....

2011-12-25T09:10:00.004-05:00

I remember I once read that a Christian as he/she matures, it is not that he/she gain more new knowledge or wisdom. Rather, it is the continue renewal and getting the thirst to know and to seek Jesus.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an email to a close friend that I lost the passion to serve the Lord. Perhaps this was a bit too strong of words.

I can see how my skills at Overseas Missionary Fellowship can benefit the fellowship overall and more importantly help missionaries get on the field faster and easier. I continue to work as hard as I can (not overwork, nor under-work) given my role here.

What I was referring to 'losing my passion' was that back in 2007 Dec 25th when I signed a contract to God that I would seek Him, I was very gung ho in serving. I was willing to push myself beyond what I felt comfortable and desire to go.

Today, I don't have the same feel. Perhaps this is what passion is about. It is not just a mere feeling or an emotion. It is a desire to keep going and keep doing (or keep serving) even when I don't feel like it. Another way of putting it is that it takes me a lot more mental energy to get myself to go.

I felt like I use to be so much more adventurous. Now I feel like I have to slow down and rest.

I was sharing today that the more I tried to let go of things (internet, comfort etc.), the closer I cling to it. Or the closer I can feel myself clinging to it.

I feel burden in my mind and in my heart. I want to go back to those times when I just go because I wanted to seek. Not just calculating what I will lost or what I need to give up and reminisce how I can't live without this or that.

Today is Christmas day at Singapore. During today's worship, I danced and jumped and praised the Lord.

One of the lyrics in the worship songs went like this...

And I won't worry about tomorrow...

I give you my fears and sorrrows...

Where You lead me, I will follow...

I'm trusting in what you say...

Today is the day...

(Song: Today is the day by Lincoln Brewster)

And so I pray to God for Him to free the burdening in my heart.

On the way back home, I thought about a few things...

Sometimes I unconsciously ask God, please don't send me to a place where there's no Internet. I can't survive without Facebook. Please don't send me far. Send me close to home. Close to comfort. Perhaps I won't speak it out but I can feel what my mind desires.

Then I think, yes I can either pray for God to not send me to a place to serve where I don't feel adequate....

I can be bold and courageous and ask the Lord to change my heart so I can serve in places where He calls me to go. What if I start praying to the Lord to change my heart so I can go to places where there's no Internet or AC or convenience or comfort?

That I think is a more Biblical way to pray. Just like when Jesus say in John 14:13-14...

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

And so today. December 25th, 2011. Three years ago, when I sign the contract with God. Three years later, I feel like I am going back to the beginning.

Going back to seek Him first in everything I do...

Going back to seek the Holy Spirit....

Now asking God to change my heart, refine it and so I will go where He calls me to go...

And feeling the joy and freedom in knowing that even at times I feel burden at Singapore. When the air of suppression hangs over me, I continue to keep moving and don't stop (even at times I feel like I ain't moving at all).

This time around, God placed me a great partner to walk in this journey with....

Today is the day, you have made.

I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Today is the day you have made.

I will rejoice and be glad in it.

And I won't worry about tomorrow.

I'm trusting in what you say.

Today is the day.

Worship at Cornerstone Community Church. We had a 60 retro theme. Simply awesome!

Hot, Cliffy

2011-12-23T23:05:00.003-05:00

What an encouragement letter from a little friend in Canada!

Of course, the hot implies temperature hot. Singapore is definitely a hot place.

Her

2011-12-22T10:16:00.003-05:00

It took me some time to write this post. Partly because I don't know where to start. The story is beautiful and intertwine with God at work. Perhaps, the first question I can start is when Christian say...this is God at work.

What does that mean?

If I wish for something, say a new job. I pray for it.
And I get it, is that God at work?
Or if I don't get the job? Is that God at work?

Of course, one of the basic truths we dare to proclaim is that God is at work in everything. In good and in bad. There's no separation where we classify, ok this is human part. And this is God's part.

When it comes to relationship and marriage, we often talk about Godly relationship. How does that look like? And sometimes I think, myself included, we impose what we have in our mind as in a Godly relationship. To some, this might be a person who goes to church. To others, this might be someone who is leading a fellowship.

As for me, I know that in part in what I look for in a relationship is not just about the relationship. Many of my friends often joke that I will find someone who likes triathlon or into endurance sports. Though that can be quite lovely as we have many things in common. But rarely do someone (not that I can recall) come up to me and say, you gotta find a person who can go reach out to the poor or do mission with you.

Though we talk about and most of Christians will agree in a Godly marriage to seek God first, rarely do the pursuit for mission is an attractive or selling point as a potential lover or a husband or wife.

And I must admit, relationship is not my strong point and I don't dare to claim as expert in relationship and define this as the PERFECT and only way for Christians to get together. This is just my experience and I am still learning as I am moving along...

One will think that just because you are single you are looking for a relationship automatically. This might be true and there's nothing wrong with that. But for me, the past few years, I wasn't actively seeking for a relationship. Yes, there are sisters in Christ which I found attracted to. But I made a decision that for me, the person who I am marrying to must love mission and love the poor.

It is impossible for me to be in a relationship where I have to explain her why I choose not to take a higher pay job because I can associate more with the poor. Or explain to her why I go out on the street at night. Or spend money for those who cannot afford a meal instead of buying brand name things (insert car, clothes, gifts, tvs, gadgets etc. etc.)

If that's the relationship, I rather stay single. In fact, I have little or no problem to be single in pursuit for His Kingdom. In 2007 Dec 25, I already signed a contract to God that I will seek Him first in everything I do. My life is in His hands..this also include my relationship (or not).

...

And so God, in His splendid ways, decided to send someone to my blog and left a comment. As I start reading her blog and finding out more about her. I start to realize how much we have in common. In fact, I admire her very much. She has a heart for the poor, goes to Nepal and help fund raise for a Nepalese girl who needs ear surgery. She writes children book.

But...a big but is that she is in Singapore and I am in Canada. That's an ocean away. Twelve hours of difference.

I like her but there's not much I can do. I know at that time, I wasn't going to Singapore. It would be crazy to just move over because of someone you met over the Internet. I never really pray too much about it. With our email conversations, we started to see how both of us have a lot in common. Love for the poor. Mission. Triathlon(!).

I once joke with a friend that I found an exact version of me...except she is much smarter.

It wasn't until earlier this year when I went to Cambodia that I came to Singapore to visit her for the weekend. Or at least that was the plan. While I was in the plane that was about to take off, it had an engine problem and I stayed in Singapore for two extra days. Of these two days, we got to spend one night talking with Grandpa Zhou. This Grandpa who she sees regularly.

It's also a 'coincidence' how the same time she started to visit Grandpa Zhou, that's the same time I visit a homeless guy, R, in Toronto (back in 2008). As I sit next to Grandpa Zhou and speak, she started to tear. She was so touch that I acted so normal to this Grandpa.

Before flying back home, I told her that I would love to get into a relationship but at that point, not knowing when I will come back, it wasn't a good idea. I told her I would be back. But I will have to pray to God first.

When I came back home, Canada, an Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF) missionary offered me a role in Singapore. Of all the offices OMF has around the world, it's in Singapore. Another 'coincidence'.

It was during my application to OMF when God and I had a discussion (maybe more like a monologue). What if things didn't work out in Singapore with her? Then what happen? Nothing is guarantee. It was during this conversation I asked myself, will I still willing to sell everything, go, and serve Him? Without a doubt in my mind, I said yes. Not because I figure this will be some way I can sneak in and get the relationship. Because, as I said before, I seek God first. Everything second, including my life. And this gives me great confidence in going to Singapore. Yes, there's no guarantee and things might not work out. I know why I am going (and I told her so too). And no, it probably ain't that romantic or so charming for courtship. But I feel she has the right to know where my heart is.

I told her a while ago that we would be a great couple to do mission together. I still believe this is true. Perhaps of all the things great about her is her heart and compassion for the lost and for the Lord.

A few days ago, we took Grandpa Zhou for dinner. The way she talked to him and the way she took care of him, I was touched. In serving Grandpa Zhou and buying him grocery, the little things which is deem inconvenient she took the time, effort and money to do so. She did it with joy and gentleness.

Me, her, Grandpa Zhou, and a friend.

Two nights ago, she asked me two questions:

She: Do you love God more than me?
Me: Yes
She: Do you love me?
Me: Of course!
She: Yes and that's how the order should be.

With talks over adopting kids in need, going on missions and building orphanages and preparing a guest room to invite the homeless in to stay with us, I think this is what it means to be in a Godly relationship. Where we strive each other to love God and love others more.

Where the relationship is not merely the love of two people toward one another. Or the love of a couple toward God in a private manner.

Rather, it should be the love of God shining toward the couples and the couple expresses to those around them. Especially to those who are lost.

This is not the relationship I expected. It wasn't even a relationship I was seeking. Through it all, we see how God places coincidence after coincidence together. I am still in awe of how things are unfolding.

Awesome!

A funny tale about the stray cats

2011-12-18T08:03:00.000-05:00

In Singapore, there's a lot of stray cats. I consider them as squirrels in Canada. I am not sure why they are there. I suspect it is because they are kept to keep the mice and cockroaches number down. The cats keep to themselves. Sometimes the locals will feed them cat food.

Cats are territorial creatures. Once in a while you will hear loud screeching and meowing as one cat chases the other.

Tonight I witness a rather funny situation. There's one unit in the ground floor of a condo where the window is kept open. Once I saw a cat leaped into the window. I guess the owner doesn't mind.

As I was walking to grab dinner, I saw one cat jumped into the window. Another cat followed that cat. A few seconds later, someone in the house is moving. The two cats suddenly came back out the window and running as fast as they can. The other cats in the vicinity saw that and ran as well.

One thing I do notice about the stray cats are that their tails are often chopped off or grow curly (very unnatural) position.

Rest In Him

2011-12-12T07:06:00.000-05:00

When I became a Christian...or at the point when I realized I was sinner, I realized it was all done by Him...

As I grew to become a better Christian, I use my own strength and rely on myself to get close to Him...

When I choose to follow Christ, one that I would give up my life to follow Him, I realized I can't do it on my own. I need His Strength. It's all Him...

It's funny how things sometimes turn in full circle. And in life, we often think we learn the lesson until our faults realize that we are off the course and have to relearn it again.

I had the privilege of attending an African Service yesterday at Cornerstone Community Church. I went there for a few reasons.

One, the pastor and wife leading the congregation is also my relationship's mentor.

Two, I spoke with the pastor to see where I can serve and he suggested I check the congregation out and see if I am interested.

Three, I never been to an African service before. Since I am here in Singapore, outside of my comfort zone, I should discover and experience how worship is done in a different cultural context.

It was a great time. There was a lot of singing and dancing. It was happy and it was joyful. I felt more like in a party than in a service.

The message of the service was on do not worry.

Stranger in a Strange Land

The theme was a stranger in a strange land. Obviously, those attending the service was from Africa. Thus, they are very far from home in Singapore. I am far from my home. The pastor is American and he's also far from his home. So this message connects well to everyone.

The pastor was a missionary in Philippines. He married a Singaporean and shared how in the first four years, they moved six times. There was one time when they were close to buying a house. Then they realized they were con and they had two days left with the place they were staying.

He talked about relying on money. Relying on PR (Permanent Resident is a pass you need to apply in order to stay in Singapore).

In one point he said, 'if you think a bigger bank account will solve your problem, you are wrong. The problem is not a bigger bank account. The problem is internal.'

How true, how true. For the past few weeks, I've been watching my bank account very closely. At OMF (Overseas Missionary Fellowship), they give me a monthly allowance. I have to be careful to not overspend or I won't have money period. He too shared about how as a missionary, those who give to pledge in the future, by the time they suppose to give, only 50% comes through. Very scary.

It seems life is so insecure.

Inconvenience

And we don't need to be a missionary to know that. People, even Christians, worry whether they are saving enough to ______ (car, house, kids education, retirement etc.) In return, what often do we do, get more education or get a higher pay job. It is almost an endless cycle. Once we think a job with a higher pay will solve our problem and we toil ourselves for it. That we MADE it! We forget about it and the next problem comes. Maybe more bills. Maybe this or that. Then we pray and pray and wonder why God is not helping us. And we work harder and harder.

And so yesterday, I thought about going back to where can our security comes from? In Christ.

It is not a matter of just saying it, go to worship on Sun, tithe a bit and spend the rest of lives figuring out how our strengths can get the dream or lifestyle we deem right. And I know sometimes I have such expectations in life. Like if something is not met, I cannot survive.

For me, it is simply having internet at home. I purchased an Internet stick in Singapore. The irony is that I can use the Internet stick anywhere except at home. There's no reception. Even at now, it is quite inconvenient to type this post as I was in a park and it was raining. So I walked over to a mall to finish this post.

Expectations

What the pastor preached yesterday hit home in a number of fronts. I think sometimes the worst is our own expectation we have to ourselves in what we need to live. And just as I think I need Internet at home to live.

One thing I learn from missionaries is that living in a cross culture, we need to stay flexible. What we think is the 'right' way might not be the norm of things done. And I am learning too. I am learning to let go all those expectations I had once thought I need in order for me to live. Internet, haha, such a simple thing. But yes, need to stay flexible. It is an inconvenience, it is not life and death.

I think a sign of a truly mature Christian is to rest in Him not in the good times and in the bad times. In times when we feel we are inadequate, we keep moving. In another words, can I rest in His security when I have no money? Or not knowing when the next meal will come? or no home?

**Side note, if you are reading this and I know myself too, sometimes I think we worry we don't have money, more so than the eternal standing we have in the Kingdom. Perhaps Salvation is become just a cliche in Christian circles that we think our next paycheck is more important than it.....***

And so yesterday, I leaned back in Him.

Yes, I do not know what tomorrow will be like.

Yes, I do not know where I will be after two years in Singapore with OMF.

Yes, I do not know where my career or my retirement will be (haha, I really haven't given these much thoughts).

And yes, I really have no clue how I will provide for my family when I get married.

But I rest everything in Him. His Grace has been good to me. He gave me a liver transplant. He freed me from the endless cycle of drunken-ness. He gave me life.

Surely, if Jesus died on the Cross for me, the highest price a Father can give, He will no doubt take care of me.....in all the days...

AMEN!

Though OMF gave me a budget, I am working even hard to live simpler. I realize that I have a lot more, compare to the rest of the world. For every dollar I save up, I am giving to those who need it. And yes, sometimes I feel like I need it too. And yes, sometimes I do feel like I should splurge on myself because it was a hard day at work. And yes, some days I do ask God why do I have to skimming on life.

One of the things I can do with the money I saved up is to sponsor a child in Uganda. Surely, $180/year is what...3-4 meals in a fancy restaurant? Maybe a good date? (Heck, I rather I don't take my date to a fancy place and give it to those in need)? Or maybe a new mp3 player or a good gadget?

But those things feel good and won't save a life....let's spend it where it makes a difference in the Kingdom!!

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:25-34

More side note: Yup, still sitting in the mall. Actually in front of a bus station, surfing the net. What I experience is not something new. I am sure all missionaries gone through this. Many gone through even more so than what i am going through. And it is their examples, their faith and how God provided for them that give me hope and solidify what I am leaning on.

Culture Shock

2011-12-08T07:48:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have much to blog. But my Internet is not realiable. I got an Internet stick but it won't work in my home. Thus, I am sitting outside hammering this post ;O)

Taken as I was writing this post! :D Two stray cats just ran by, chasing each other!

I've been in Singapore for a month now. I notice the first few weeks when I was here, I had a tendency to compare everything back home (home as in Mississauga, Canada).

It was the most small details I would notice the difference. This was a similair experience I had in Cambodia in Feb. At that time, I noticed and had ill feeling how each step of the stairs were so much higher than Canada. Obviously different countries have different building codes.

In Singapore, I noticed everything was different. I noticed how the leaves were in such different shape compare to those in Canada. I noticed the buildings and infrastructure was different. I noticed the lack of open small (duh, Singapore is an island with more than 5 million people).

It was among all these comparisons which I noticed that everything in Canada was perfect.

Yes, I had a longing for home.

....

I remembered a missionary teacher once said that you won't notice your own culture until you step out and live somewhere else.

How true!

....

So about a week and a half ago, I told myself that it is time to move on. I can spend the next two years comparing and complaining. At the end of the day, what is there to complain? Singapore is a great city. Things done in here are different than Canada. Different atmosphere and different environment. Plus, there's not much I can do anyways. I am called to serve here at OMF. I might as well abandon such negative thoughts. Home is not in Canada. Home is where He leads me. So I follow.

I am now living in a single room sharing the flat with the land lady, her husband and her 20 year old son. I rarely see them and they rarely see me.

My commute is longer compare to 'home'. Though the commute, I learn to surf the net, catch up on personal emails coming to work. Commute here, if not use, can be claustrophobic at times. There's nothing like cramming in the morning bus and see how pack you can go before the bus driver decided it is time to go.

I love the local cheap foods in Singapore. At the same time Singapore is far from low cost of living. Brand names, high end products and anything associate with Western taste and culture, you will pay a premium for it.

I am also learning to live simply. To really see how low I can go. Though one is hard to discern considering right now I am paying mobile broandband (internet stick) and have a data plan for my phone as well. Though the Internet stick is only $12/month! (the negative part is that I don't have reception in my room so I am outside sitting in the park typing this post....)

Well, this is a small bit of my culture shock. I never realize how much I am attach to Canada. I always thought of myself as a Canadian Chinese...but the more I experience in Singapore, the more I talk to people, explaining to them where I am from, the more I see Canada as home.

Of course, as I said before home is where the Lord is taking me....

Meaning of Marriage (Christian Context)

2011-12-05T11:39:00.001-05:00

I was given a task to answer the question: what does marriage means to me?

Not that I given this topic much thought as I wasn't in a relationship or never really thought about marriage (or at least thought about it seriously). I always find it fascinating that marriage was already define in second chapter of Genesis. It is after the creation story and right after God create man and woman. It is almost as a high priority in God's eyes to put marriage as a relationship between man and woman.

So here's my thoughts. I thought it was rather Biblical (at least my interpretation of marriage). Of course I would and could share more and dig through other passages...but I was given a 500 word limit.

It's also interesting to note that it has little in similarity with the marriage we know as of today. With the wedding bells, the ceremony, the glitter and glamour of the event, focus on financial (car, house, living expenses etc.)....my definition is probably not the most romantic and probably won't sweep someone's off her feet. But if it does attract someone, then she and I have something in common :O))

...

What does marriage mean to Cliff?

It is interesting to note that the author of Genesis put not only the origin of human in the beginning of the Bible, he also include marriage right after it. In fact, if we take a look at the story of creation in Genesis 2, we can see that the story of creation and marriage is one story (Genesis 2:4-25). Right after God created woman by taking a rib from Adam, the man said:

“This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23 NASB).

The author then use verse 23 to explain why man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife to become one flesh (verse 24).

When I think about marriage and all that it contains; the wedding, bearing a family, living with one together, cry and laugh with one another, the purpose of marriage goes back to what Adam said. There’s such closeness between husband and wife that they will be as close as to bones and flesh.

This is also the same description how Paul instructed the husbands in Ephesians 5:28-30. The husband is to treat his wife as if she is his own body and flesh (like bones and flesh). In NASB translation, he is to ‘nourish and cherishes’ (verse 29b) his wife, just as Christ does to the church.

When I read the passage about the roles of husband and wife in chapter 5 of Ephesians, specifically from verse 23 till the end of the chapter, Paul first instructed the husbands their role is to be “the head of his wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.” Though the passage is talking about role of husband to take care of his wife, Paul is also interchangeably using the same analogy and one-ness of husband and wife to describe the Church and Christ.

The husband is the head of the wife (just as Christ is the head of the church). Husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loves the church (verse 24). Plus, the husband ought to sanctify her with the Word. There’s an Old Testament sacrificial imagery from using water to cleanse and purify the wife and so to present the wife as no spot, or wrinkle and be holy and blameless (verse 27).

The role of the he husband is the spiritual leader in the household and in marriage. He first has to know the Word so he can help his wife grows toward the Lord. I heard from a friend’s wedding that the groom told in front of the congregation that it is his job to help his bride love God more than him. This is as close as cleansing and sanctifying a husband can do. The husband ought to help the wife loves Christ more than him.

Lastly, back to the Genesis 2, the reason why Eve was created was because Adam needs a suitable helper. The purpose of the marriage is for the husband and wife to help and encourage one another. They are to support one another in doing the Lord’s work. Just as in Ephesian 5, the Lord lays His life for the church, that’s the sacrificial love that the husband ought to bear for his wife.

Settle

2011-11-21T10:20:00.001-05:00

Finally settle down in Singapore.

After picking up my Employment Pass this morning, I am able to give a photocopy to my landlord so she can registered me as her tenants. Singapore is strict on who people rent to. Without an Employment Pass, my landlord can get all sort of trouble.

So tonight after work, I moved in. It is nice to really settle down. For the past two weeks, I've been living at my friend's, Andrew's, place. Though he is very generous in offering a place for me (for free!), it feels like I've been holding my breathe.

Today at OMF I also receive my new laptop. So things are slowly settling down. With the Employment pass, I can setup a bank account (then OMF can transfer my monthly living allowance) and start a phone plan.

I am only renting one room as there's not much I really need. All I can see is that it is settle in a place I will call home in this two years.

Fried Chicken at the local market.

Yes, those are my swim shorts hanging at the closet. Sorry! I need a way to dry them :O)

The command center.

Home

2011-11-20T00:10:00.001-05:00

It has been two weeks since I am in Singapore. Since I landed, Andrew was generous in offering his place for me to stay. I took one room and this was my 'home'.

But at last, tomorrow, after receiving my Employment pass, I will move to a room a friend helped me find. As such, this afternoon, I found myself packing again.

Through the process, there was glimpses of missing home. It felt uneasy to unpack to realize that I won't be here for long.

Earlier the week at OMF, we prayed for a family in the field that's been living in the hotel for a few months now. They couldn't find a place to stay. No home. And so they were living out of their suitcases.

With moving, there's a number of other things that need to do. Discard things no longer useful. Things ways to pack as much as possible (the inside of a shoe becomes good little place to put belts, mouse etc.). Have to look at the bus route and figure out how to go to OMF IHQ (International Head Quarters).

And so I sit with my suitcase packed and my bags fill my stuff. Leaving only the essentials, toothpaste, toothbrush, clothes for tomorrow etc.

Last night during service, the pastor preached on Luke 14:25-35. The cost of discipleship. It reminded me once again the cost to follow Christ. If we take a look at the cost, packing and living off a suitcase in a way is very small. Reading about Dietrich Bonhoeffer's life and also listening to Francis Chan talk on seeking Christ first....the cost of discipleship becomes ever stronger of a reminder.

The pastor last night gave a strong preaching on the cost that we are to take if we are to bear the Cross...give up career, hobbies, lifestyle, comfort, home, friends, families....every bit of these which are 'essential' in our lives...to our identity...when we think of losing them, our heart grips a bit....it tightens a bit. Then there comes the human mind to calculate and justify. Surely Jesus didn't mean to give up family? Well, that was 2,000 years ago...today it is different. My situation is different. What if I tithe a bit more or give to the church a bit more....that should justify how I live my life.

The compromise and justification of one's way to live start to mount. I would think Jesus will have none of that. To follow Him is utter obedience. Knowing His teaching without action to follow through is not knowing them at all. Classroom teaching, lectures and sermons can only go so far. Those who follow will simply have to ....follow.

It was sometime last week when I was longing for home. Longing to go back to Canada. A time when I compare everything in Singapore to Canada. And in an unconscious justify that this is not how to do things. Canada, where I grew up with is the 'right' way of doing things. Yes, one will miss their home when they are out in a different culture. But dwelling 'home' in this manner is bad for the soul and for the heart. I made a permanent decision that Singapore is now my home. There's no turning back. This is where God calls me to serve and so I follow.

In a way, God is using Singapore as a stepping stone for me to live out in the mission field. This is a merely transition of a journey which Jesus is the Lord and Saviour. So where He goes..I must follow.

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”
Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

He said to another man, “Follow me.”
But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”
Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:57-62 (NIV)

Being a Christian....

2011-11-18T04:49:00.001-05:00

Being a Christan is less about cautiously avoiding sin than about courageously and actively doing God's will.

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. It is a book based on Dietrich's life and the political situation in Europe with the rise of Nazi. It is a very capturing book. I picked this book because even though I read a number of Dietrich's writing, I never grasp a sense of the context he wrote in. There are a few times when I can't stop reading because it is exciting and very tense to see how Nazi took over Germany and the German church pieces at a time. What should be the response of a Christian? How should a Christian respond to evilness in the state?

One of the thing I admire Dietrich is not merely that he is a strong theologian. But applying his logical thinking and knowledge of the Scripture to daily life. To him, it is important to be practical in one's faith. As we see how he live and die, his action and his belief is unision.

Kingdom Seeking Relationship

2011-11-17T02:24:00.001-05:00

I am right now at OMF learning the role and the ministry. So a bit busy in the moment to post updates.

A good (and Godly) friend sent me this earlier the week.

It pretty much sums out the type of relationship I desire and also the focus of the relationship...

Not only praying for Him to keep opening doors for you both to walk into together as a couple to serve Him in this world for His kingdom!! but also for you both to grow intimately .. to "know" Him intimately ... the sweetness and goodness of serving together, the sweetness and goodness knowing that no matter how hard the ministry and mission He set you both to be in, it is His love binding you both together, His faithfulness fueling your relationship, His love and mercy following you both all days of your lives!!!

A constant reminder is that the relationship is not self seeking. It is beyond just a couple. But rather it is a longing to seek His Kingdom together. Where two people become one in glorifying Him not by merely living a good life but rather an utter obedience to God in the ministry He called the couple to partake.

As such, all lofty goals and dreams and desire of comfortable and security is set aside...

...so do not worry about the food you eat or the clothe you wear (or the person you married or the house you own or the career you will have or the things you will own or the vacation you will go)...rather seek first His Righteousness and His Kingdom.......

Singapore

2011-11-07T05:28:00.001-05:00

A view from the MacRitchie Reservoir

Different.

That's how I feel being in Singapore since I landed on Saturday evening.

It feels different.

There's a certain scent in the air that reminds me I am in Asia. This is the scent when I was in Cambodia and in Hong Kong.

I am very bless to have two friends, Wai Jia and Andrew, who take care of me since I land.

I am staying at Andrew's place in the time being. Last night, Wai Jia and I went to a landlord ot finda room for me. The place looks good. I am renting one bedroom. The price is reasonable.

Today is a Muslim holiday in Singapore.

I took the time to go to MacRichie Reservoir. It is a beautiful place. Trees and forests along the reservoir. Family, joggers and children are milling around. EThe sun is out with a few clouds.
I am still in awe that I am in Sinagpore. It seems only like yesterday when I was in Mississauga. Working at WSI. Driving around.

There are local street market (Hawkai center) where food is cheap and it is very local. This is so different than back home where we will have to drive 10-15 min for food. Singapore is diverse in culture and people. You can see it especially in the food that are serve. There are many types which I never seen before. I think they are from Malaysia.

Tomorrow I will be going to OMF for morning prayer. I am hoping to settle down a bit. Like starting a bank account, getting money for the next few months. Then I can pay for the rent and start transitioning to the new place.

A stray cat at the block where I live.

Many Singaporeans will travel abroad because Singapore is a city and there’s not much to see. The irony is that for me, everything is new. Food to discover, places to explore and culture to appreciate.

In a pleasant surprise, Wai Jia told me to bring my bike over because she sold my bike to a friend of hers. For a while I was skeptical. I called her and asked her if she just want to bring my bike over for me. She denied it.

When I came out of the airport, she told me that she purchased the bike for me. :O)
Funny how I told everyone I sold my bike. It ended up I am keeping it after all.

Surreal

2011-11-04T06:36:00.003-04:00

Sitting at Gate 139 in Terminal 1. The flight leaves in two hours and there's time to sit and be still.

Drinking medium regular (Medium coffee with one milk one sugar) and a whole wheat bagel toasted, not butter.

Realizing that today will be the last morning I am in Canada. The drive to the airport was the last time I will drive for a while. This morning will be the last time I sleep at home. It will be a while before I see Jojo (the family cat).

Of all the things to do and emails to send, I haven't really think about how tomorrow will be like. Perhaps if I sit and don't do anything for a brief minutes, the realization of going to Singapore, to serve at Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF) for two years, to live on faith and not by sight will don on me.

Sitting here, with my backpack, my bike helmet, and knowing that all that I own is in one suit case and a bike box.....there's a sense of lost-ness and vulnerability. All the things I accumulated and which I rely on are gone. Decisions have to be made on what to keep and what to give, sell or throw away. It feels like a lack of freedom. The freedom of using my stuff to say go bike or go play paintball. No bike and no paintball equipment, I cannot do neither of these things.

At the same time, there's also a sense of relief. In a way, the physical act of throwing away my things free up the clutter in my life. There's a level of stress when there's too much stuff. Are they being taken properly? Where do I store them? What if someone stole them? Without stuff, all these worries dissipate.

Lastly and more importantly, I am surreal on how everything is unfolding. A few months ago, I will not expect me to go. It is just not possible. There's a sense of disbelief. BUT I don't think a sense of disbelief makes us a less of a Christian. Someone who is truly mature in Christ is to act in faith despite one's disbelief.

I can't see where the path lead. I am scare where it will go (or not go). These thoughts and feelings don't stop us from following Him.

As I was clearing my stuff, I thought about Hudson Taylor when he started OMF (formerly called China Inland Mission). He had about 10 lbs in his pocket. Barely enough for a living. Taking in faith and having a vision to reach for the lost in China. He boldly took a step in faith and started China Inland Mission...

...indeed faith is illogical. It makes no sense.

...

There's always a sense of what I am doing is very important. But when I look at many of the Christian Missionaries (Eric Liddell, James Fraser etc.) and many others (especially the nameless ones), this is all part of the journey of seeking His Kingdom first above all. I am still in a surreal moment in how everything is unfolding.

How will the next two years in Singapore be like? What will I do afterwards? These are good questions to ask and reflect...but for now I prefer to stay in a surreal state. The realization that God is good, He is active and He is leading. And my role is merely a response by following Him as close as possible.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”

Matthew 4:19 (NIV)

Gone

2011-11-03T22:43:00.000-04:00

A week of packing, cleaning, selling, giving and finish many to do lists....

I packed. I am ready to go to Singapore.Tomorrow's flight is 8 am. I will be checking in the airport at 4:30 am.

Thank you everyone for support and prayer.

God simply open doors....

And so a new chapter in my life in the other side of the world. In a city of diverse culture and language. In ministry role as part of a Christian organization with a rich history of sharing the gospel in Asia....... but before all of this....

..time to eat and take a quick nap.:O)

Send Off

2011-11-01T16:36:00.000-04:00

From a friend...

Cliff, you're very welcome for the group send-off dinner and the flowers ;)

Y'know, I really did have a toast in mind but we were too spread out and the restaurant too loud :)

I was going to tease you a bit, but I was also going to say the following:

"In all the 12 years I've known Cliff, I have admired him.

I admire the passion that he puts into everything that he does. I admire the dedication he has to what he believes is right and what must be done. I admire his devotion to the people and causes close to his heart.

With his work abroad in Singapore, Cliff shows us again his passion, dedication and devotion."
I truly am proud to consider you my friend :)

Thank goodness for modern communication technology for keeping in touch the next 2 years :)

Spend today cleaning up my room and throwing and giving away a lot of things. Next step, pack my stuff and I will be going to Singapore on Fri morning!

Unexpected Surprises

2011-10-24T10:28:00.000-04:00

I have nine more days before flying to Singapore.

I intentionally set next week as 'lock down' which I don't see anyone. Stay home. Spend time with the family. Take care of left over things.

I am glad I done that. As I was afraid there would be a few unexpected surprises along the way. I like to give myself some buffer time for myself.

I am glad.

So a few things popped up lately which I need to address.

The good news is that the big items...health, medication, medical records etc..they are all being taking care of.

A few people asked me have I pack yet...

...packing is not that complicated. Making sure my finances are settle down and wrapping up things before I head out requires more attention than packing.

As long as I have my medication, my documents, passport etc...the other matters I can buy when I am there (if I need to)....

Ok..time to head back to work. Wednesday is my last day and in nine days, everything changes

(or I am already in the midst of changing....)

416-564-0626

2011-10-21T23:57:00.003-04:00

Lady on the phone: Can you tell me your phone number?

Me: 4-1-6-5-6...

...

It is amazing how the ten digit of my phone number becomes who I am. For the past few weeks as I am winding down to go to Singapore, I had to contact the National Student Loan to pay off my loan. Every time I called them, they need my phone number to verify that I am Cliff Tam.

The ten digits roll off my tongue. It is Cliff Tam. In the system, in the society, in my friend's smart phone.

416-564-0626 = Cliff Tam

Since I will be going to Singapore for two years, there is no need for me to keep my phone number. In the calendar, I already jotted the date when I will call my phone company to cancel my plan. It will be next Sat. October 29th.

There's one week left.

One week afterwards, this set of numbers will no longer become my identity.

In a big and small way, I am ~~losing~~ surrendering a part of myself.

As I post pieces of my stuff online to sale and meeting up with potential buyers, things I once treasure I no longer have.

As I sell and give my books in my shelves, I hope that they will simulate the minds of the next reader as they have encourage me.

And 416-564-0626. In the future when one of my friends call that number expecting me, it will be someone else.

And soon I have no phone number.

It's funny how I worry about how will people contact me. How lost I would feel.

Funny how ten digits can be so personal. It doesn't matter. When I am in Singapore, I will have a new set of digits. A new identity.

...

Me: ...4-0-6-2-6

Lady on the phone: (after a brief pause) Hi, Mr Tam. How can I help you today?

If you have my phone number, please don't call or text after the October 29th. I am sure the person who receive my number will be grateful for this. Thanks!

Into the Unknown

2011-10-21T10:22:00.001-04:00

Received an encouragement from a friend a few days ago...

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:

“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied:

“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

Image Source: http://www.narrowpathhome.com/2009/11/run-in-light.html

The poem is called The Gate of the Year by Minnie Louise Haskins.

A Critical Spirit

2011-10-20T01:03:00.000-04:00

During Sunday School, my pastor discussed about an article he read from a Christian magazine.

The article was about a Christian sister who wrote that the church nowadays are worshipping in public places such as a gym or a community center. She felt this lost the Holiness of the traditional church settings with the pews and sanctuary.

The class was an open discussion in which I gave my input that it doesn't matter whether we worship in a building or not in a building. The church is the body of Christ and the body of Christ are when believers come together to worship. The author has in mind is a style of worship which she prefers.
As the discussion went on about what's worship, I flipped to Romans 12 where Paul talked about offering up our bodies as a Holy and living sacrifice (Romans 12:1).

I had with me a New Living Translation. I continued reading the next few chapters. The chapter heading of chapter 14 struck me....The Danger of Criticism.

Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him judge whether they are right or wrong. And with the Lord’s help, they will do what is right and will receive his approval.

In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose—to be Lord both of the living and of the dead.

So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say,

"‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bend to me,
and every tongue will confess and give praise to God.’"

Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

It was at this time I thought about that I might have a critical spirit about this author. I do not have the answer. What Paul is referring is 2,000 years ago in a context between Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians in Rome, under Roman Empire and in the midst of persecution. Paul in this part of the letter is ok with whatever a believer eats and the Sabbath issue. Yet in other letters, he stood very strong in against circumscizing Gentile Christians in order so they fulfill the law (Galatians etc.)

As for me, I see that I still have lots to learn in order to let's build one another up and stop condemning each other. The irony is that my statement during Sunday School was in a way telling the author, 'hey you should let everyone worship where they want. Give them freedom to do so.' Yet at the same time I can feel my heart is condemning the way of her worship style. Such irony.

Parting

2011-10-13T00:12:00.002-04:00

Today I handed in my resignation letter. My supervisor and I walked into my VP's room to 'talk'.

My time in Mississauga is limited. Every time I see someone. Every time I drive past my neighbourhood. I slow down to absorb the moment. I will be going soon.

Overseas Missionary Fellowship will be sending me to Sinagpore in November 4th.

It is coming and it is coming fast.

The four doors I mentioned in March. The four doors that God has to open...

home
field
medical
support

God has open all of them.

Though I haven't raised all my support, OMF needed me to be there to replace someone by mid November. So they are looking for some way to support me as well.

The time has come for me to go.

A lot of people is asking am I excited. I am still in awe. In awe of how things are turning out. In awe of learning to surrender (literally) everything to Him.

My friend and I were chatting today about sometimes in life when we want more control in life. Say our finance,our career, our lifestyle, we get more scared.

To which she replied:

no control no scare.

It is true. I have no control in this. Of course, this is His Mission, I am only a participant. He's the main actor and I am just an extra.

I want to thank you for all those who read this blog and support me and encourage me along the way.

I have three weeks to wind down, to settle down everything here before tasking on what the Lord has in store for me in Singapore.

All I can say is...dang I will miss those frozen Canadian winters!!!

Really :O)..Praise the Lord for He is Good.....

Money, Mission and Ministry

2011-10-02T21:46:00.001-04:00

Currently in the process of raising support to be part of the IT team in OMF Headquarters. Jotting a few thoughts, reflections and emotions.

I can still remember the shock and impossible feeling when the OMF missionary told me about this role and it was a non pay role. Aka. I have to raise my own support OR God has to open up the supplies for me to go. That was in February.

In my prayer letter, I asked people to pray for me to not be so focus in money. Of course, money is needed in order for me to go. At the same time, many people asked me whether I should do this or do that in order to raise funds.

I once heard of a missionary going to Africa and the church organized a fair where people play games and win prizes to raise funds.

In my church, we sent a number of youths to Peru on a short term mission. They had a number of ways to raise support. One of them is becoming a slave for someone (detailing their cars, doing their chores etc.). Someone suggested I should do that.

At first, I thought about doing a fundraising dinner.

There are many ways in raising support. OMF has a policy of non solicitation. This is, I am technically, not suppose to ask directly for money. Based on the tradition of Hudson Taylor (and other OMF missionaries) on how he raised funds (simply through prayer and relied on God), it seems that raising support today is so different. This is not to say that the non solicitation method is the ONLY Christian way of doing things. Even Paul in his ministries asked for other church to contribute (Romans 15:24-25) as he is on his way to go to Spain.

...

And I see how raising support, though it is for God's ministry, at times can be quite commercialize. If this is a human endeavor, this is how you do it. You network. You meet as many people as you can. You focus on those who can give (aka those who are rich). You pass bulletin. You sell and market yourself. You build relationships.

In my mind, if I need more money. I will just get a second job. Why not? It is much easier and I can probably make a lot more.

It is so much more tempting to focus on the money aspect and my eyes from seeking Him.

Money, the love of money, is evil. While many of us will reason that, well we do need money to live, so what is wrong with asking for it. Myself included, wonder how often I ask for money and I am not satisfy. (Side note: I am taking from a context that I have far more than I need in a world where most people live less than 2 dollars a day....).

And so, what do I do? What do I say? Hehe..to be honest, when people ask me about this topic, I stutter.

Where do I start? I start off with saying...seek God first and let's see how He provides. Perhaps I can ask them to pray together with me.

...

The question I ask myself is how am I following His Will and not my will? What's the method where I can surrender everything to Him? It would be quite ironic if I am doing the Lord's work and yet not follow His Will.

For me, I focus on prayer, faith, and surrendering.

First, pray and be close to Him. We can do many things. But everything starts and continues to be in relationship with Him.

Second, have faith, many people ask me about my current job and what not. It is no big deal. It looks like the end but it is not. Selling everything, withdrawing investments, these are all simply a matter of faith (or obedience).

Third, surrendering. I have trouble talking about living everything for Jesus if I don't do it physically. Is how I spend and how I save consistent with my preparation? I believe there is a huge portion of it is just let go. Even Jesus said to the rich young ruler, sell everything, give it to the poor and follow Him (Luke 18). Or deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me (Matthew 16). What can I say about surrendering in a culture which we aspire to collect and accumulate? It is different. And at times, I don't realize how much I attach to my things until I sell them.

...

So is this to say that I don't ask and just sit around? Well, there are many ways to raise support. But for me, right now, I am leaning towards on faith and pray. This is not to say I do nothing. I request my church to partner with me. My friend asked me to submit an application to her church for support. I am thankful with the positive response and the response from my congregation in supporting me.

So this is the fine line I am walking. Maybe it is easier to go and promote this big thing. But I am cautious as how often it draws attention to me and not to Him. Cliff, the faithful one, is taking this big adventure to risk life to follow the Lord. Cliff is risking everything.

Mission is never about what we do or what we give. Mission is about He is doing. It is God's very nature to send out and to go after the lost (this is very missional and Missio Dei thinking). We are merely a participant in this. Yes, we should encourage each other on the Great Commission. But may we never lift up ourselves higher than the source and sustainer of Mission.

...

At this point, OMF is asking me to come earlier because they need me by mid Nov. So what does that mean? How will the funds raise? I have no idea.

I am hopeful. Because this is all up to Him. He has to open the doors. He knows the need of many Asians who do not know the gospel He knows my desire to serve. He knows that I can contribute by ensuring the admin process of being a missionary is easier and communication between different parties (home side team, field side team, missionary, support staff) be made seamlessly.

And I am most hopeful because God always pull miracles when there is no way. Perhaps this is God's nature to show that it is only Him that works.

I recalled Moses and parting of the Red Sea. It was at the point when the Egyptians were behind them and there's no way out when God opened the way for the Israelites (Exodus 14). Or Gideon when God reduced his army to a mere 300 against the enemy as many as the sands on the seashore (Judges 7).

This is God. He is active as this is His mission and I am simply a participant in this.

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”1

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”

Exodus 14:13-18

Is there poor people in Singapore?

2011-10-01T07:57:00.002-04:00

Pho with D last Tuesday...

He asked me this question...

Is there poor people in Singapore?

To which I replied...

Our society always have the rich and the poor. Unfortunately, there are poor all around the world.

Once the call of God comes to you...

2011-09-27T14:48:00.002-04:00

...start going and never stop.

Taken from today's devotion. Will reflect more on that through the day.

Remember the poor

2011-09-27T00:13:00.001-04:00

For God, who was at work in Peter as an apostle to the circumcised, was also at work in me as an apostle to the Gentiles. James, Cephas and John, those esteemed as pillars, gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship when they recognized the grace given to me. They agreed that we should go to the Gentiles, and they to the circumcised. All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I had been eager to do all along.

Galatians 2:8-10

...

The passage is taken in Galatians when Paul is defending himself that he received Revelation from God, not from men. He recalled how he was accepted by the disciples to preach the gospel to the Gentiles, just as Peter was called to go to Jews.

Looking over the text, the poor is not consider as spiritually poor (like those who do not know Jesus). I conclude that the poor is physically, socially and economically poor because if it is spiritually poor, Paul would have use the word Gentiles (who Gentiles at that time know Jesus? or not spiritually poor). Anyways back to my post....

...

Remembering the poor.

It was at Tim Horton waiting to get a coffee and a sandwich for R (R lives on the street on a wheel chair. I visited him on and off for over three years now), when I realize I forgot about the poor.

A man in shaggy clothing was stumbling in the store. He wasn't very coordinated. He stuck out an empty Tim Horton cup as if asking for change. He was walking around the store. People were sitting on the table and ignoring him. In a brief second as he and I almost met, I looked away and turned around. With my back toward him, it was a silent gesture that said...."I do not have change to give you. Please go away."

It was such a natural reaction. I didn't even thought about it. But it dwell in me since then.

The man wasn't asking for change. He went back to his table and his friends sat next to him. I picked up the coffee and the sandwich and walked out.

How ironic, I go out and shared a meal with R. And here there's a person who just appear in need and I shrugged him off.

...

During the interview with OMF, they read that I have a heart for the poor. They knew about R and I. They knew about D and how I treated him pho in order to connect and shared Christ. They asked me how do I do it?

I thought about it and said, it ain't easy.

Note: This ain't a self pity post where I beat myself up and feel the satisfaction of pity and self gloat. This is a reflection on what it means to seek the Kingdom of God first and my natural tendencies to seek something else.

It ain't easy not because it is simple as just handing money. It ain't easy not just because it is volunteering. It ain't easy because it is so easy to forget about the poor. So easy.

I have my life. I am going on missions. I have to raise funds. I have to pray. I have to connect to people. I have to sell everything I have. I have to make sure my finance, insurance, will is in order. I have ministries I have to hand off. I have friend's weddings to go to. I have birthday parties. Last meet up with friends. Spend time with family.....

For the past few months, I can say, I don't have time. I don't have time. I don't have time.

In a way, I become self absorb. What do I need. What do I have to do for myself. It's all about me (granted it is preparing for missions...it become inward focus).

And thus, remembering the poor flies out the door. It is no longer important as I try to scrap and save every dollar I have to get myself over to Singapore.

All for the Kingdom right? Mission must come first. And part of the mission, to share the Good News, to bring joy and care to those who are lost, the gospel message that God is alive, God is coming and God is redeeming everything, also include spending time with R and D.

It was during the past few months, I noticed how I don't care as much about the poor anymore. I was joking with D last month that to stop calling me and I would put him on my block list. I was getting annoyed with his phone calls and emails and Facebook messages. I am so busy right now and I have to deal with this...argh!

It was at Tim Horton my action reflected my heart. Or my action reflected what I forgot.

Hanging out with R. I don't know if I will see him again. They are doing major construction at Nathan Philip Square. Soon where R is staying will be fence off and he will have to find another place to live. His wheelchair isn't working. It is not picking up a charge. The wheel is getting loose. There's not enough power to go up a small slope. R has problem finding a place to charge. Winter is setting in. When I am gone, where will he go? Where will he stay? Will I see him again?

D is getting old. He has a number of health issues. Wear and tear breaks the body from being an athlete for 40+ years. His bills are getting high. His car needs to be fix and he has no money. His daughter is ignoring him. He has no one to hang out with.

Yes. Time is short. There ain't a lot of time left. There ain't a lot of spending money left. Going back to a crazy way, why not spend it with R and D. Yes, I have emails I have to reply. I have things I need to follow up.

There are many life priorities which are important. It's just that there are bigger priorities which I need to focus on first. I have to go back to where God touched my heart. Those of us who are in middle class society might pass them a sandwich when we want to volunteer and do some good works. To seek the Kingdom and serve the lost is beyond just volunteerism. Rarely will we sit down and befriend them. Or know them and find out how they are doing. And help them out by sacrificing things we like to do.

It's easy to do the volunteering bit. Passing sandwiches to those who are hungry is important. What worried me about myself is that I create a barrier where I can simply get myself back to my middle class life with my Internet, netbook, smart phones and Starcraft 2. One of the aspects in the Kingdom is that the gospel breaks down all barriers. Jesus comes and mess everything up. He throw all the social expectations and norms out the window. Those who are marginalize are free to come at the feast next to the rich. How do I live that out in my world?!?!?

And to me, this is the most costly matter in seeking the Kingdom. It ain't just reading some books, or reading the Bible or going to Sunday School or taking some seminary course and write a paper on some topic. Granted these are good things (heck, I like to read, go to Sunday School, or take a seminary course). But if following Christ is reduce to merely a knowledge gaining expedition or self indulge feel good experience every Sunday or fellowship, then I really do not know God.

Yesterday during service, the worship team played this song for response. Holding my hand high, I let the tear fall. Not because it is good tunes or sentimental. But rather, it is a reminder of who God is. He seeks, not seeked, the lost. He gathers, not gathered, them. He is active. He is not passive. He goes fourth. He is a just God that defends the window and the orphan. He doesn't step back and say to Himself, 'why do I have to steep so low to hang out with them'. And for me, who say I follow Christ, I ought to do the same.

You have shown us

You have shown us, oh God, what is good
You have shown us, oh Lord, what You require
You have heard all our songs
How we long to worship You
Yeah, You've told us the offering You desire

To do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God
You said, to do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God

You have shown us the riches of Your love
And You have shown us Your heart for those in need
Lord, You're opening our ears to the cries of the poor
You have called us to be Your hand and feet
To do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God
You said, to do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God

To the oppressed and the broken
To the widow and the orphan
Let the river of Your justice flow through us
To the oppressed and the broken
To the widow and the orphan
Let the river of Your justice flow through us

Let Your river flow, let Your river flow
Let the river of Your justice flow through us, oh

To do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God
You said, to do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God

To do justice and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with You, God

...

With what shall I come before the LORD

and bow down before the exalted God?

Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,

with calves a year old?

Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,

with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?

Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,

the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:6-8

God's Will for whose life now?

2011-09-21T00:42:00.002-04:00

This post is a thinking and a reflection....

For the past few months, a few brothers and sisters, sometimes during praying times and sometimes during fellowship, will share they like to know what's God's Will for their lives.

After doing daily devotions from Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, it dawn on me that Oswald will often reflect that the very circumstance that we find ourselves in is the event where God wants us to be at.

This might be mundane work at 9-5.
This might be boring school classes everyday with exam at the end.

Sometimes we have a deep thinking or a desire that God will miraculously place some super burden in our heart and we will go on this magical journey of mission (maybe some where in Africa where we see miracles everyday or see conversion everyday).

And many of us don't. We work everyday, 9-5, go home, do our own thing (or school everyday if you are a student).

The reality is not that God is not with us. It is more likely that we do not see that God is among us working in the most ordinary way. God is ordinary? How can that be? Well, Jesus was born as a baby in a manger. He gets tired from travelling. He does not bring fourth all his heavenly authority and might against the Pharisees.

When we are transform, or being born again, we see with a new set of lens. We see that God is dwelling among us. We see His presence in everything we do. In work, in dealing with tough customers, in being treated unfair, in grocery shopping etc.

This does not justify that a born again Christian remain the same as if they are like their earthly neighbours who do not know Jesus and live an ordinary. No, a Christian transform by the God's Grace, will transform his (or her) influence to Kingdom values.

God's Will for my life does not wait until God implant a grand scheme or vision before we start. It starts by us seeking earnestly in the simple and ordinary life that we live. Through this deep desire to seek His Kingdom first (Matthew 6:33 anyone?) we will see God dwelling among us. We will see and be joyful in His Kingdom to come.

Christian Mission in the Modern World

2011-09-20T00:41:00.000-04:00

Of all the Christian-related books I sold, there's still a few left on my shelve.

This is one of them.

Christian Mission in the Modern World
by
John Stott

I figure John Stott will have something intelligent to say about Christian Mission.

I just read the Foreword and I think I already enjoy what I will be diving into....

I was twenty six years old when this book was first published. I belonged to that group of people who would beg,borrow, steal or starve in order to get the latest book by John Stott. But this one was extra special. The evangelical movement was coming of age. We were entering a "postwar" era when some of the great battles that raged about the mission of the church were being resolved as the church begin to look at mission by studying the whole Bible. For example, we were beginning to believe that evangelism and social concern were both vital aspects of the Christian mission and that dialogue - done biblically - was not an enemy of evangelism.

...

...I had a sense that my life's work was going to be with the poor and needy. I knew this call would influence my lifestyle choices. I knew that if I was to identify with the poor, I would have to live simply and be involved in bringing material, educational and social develop to the lives of the people I was going to serve. I was a student in the United States, and I began to sense it would be best for me not to risk taking an American wife to a life with the poor - not an easy thing for a young person longing for marriage and living at that time in a dating culture! I needed a base of convictions that would help me in preparing for and executing the ministry I hoped to have in Sri Lanka.

Harvest is plentiful

2011-09-18T00:05:00.000-04:00

The harvest is plentiful. The workers are few.

(Luke 10:2a)

...

Looking at the statistics give me the chills. My heart sink and I long to pray. Tonight I am preparing to share with my church about my role with OMF.

Doing some research via Joshua Project (a project dedicated to determine the unreached people group around the world.

The Uyghur of China
http://www.joshuaproject.net/people-profile.php?peo3=15755&rog3=CH

There are about 10 million of Uyghurs.

Here's a short description of the people group...

Despite the presence of many Han Christians in Xinjiang, few have a vision to reach the Uygurs. One visitor reported, "Many [church] leaders openly acknowledge, without guilt or shame, that they do not have such a burden for these people." One church elder, when asked about evangelizing Uygurs, "responded by shouting, 'You're crazy!'" Today about 50 known Uygur Christians meet in two small fellowships in China, although 400 Uygur believers have recently emerged in neighboring Kazakstan. Recent reports indicate that many Uygur in China may be on the verge of accepting Christ.

450 people of 10 million heard of the gospel!

Indeed the workers are few and the harvest is plentiful.

How can they be saved? What if they want to hear the gospel? How will they have a chance? Burden in my heart.

Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

(Luke 10:2b)

Encouragement from a friend

2011-09-17T18:14:00.001-04:00

I remembered when I was super stressed out about support raising. One missionary told me that they actually enjoy the process of support raising because it means you get to see God's faithfulness at work. Praying for joy for you during this stressful time.

Thank you.

Anxious, Urgency, and the Gospel

2011-09-13T09:23:00.000-04:00

Keeping this post short...will expand later.

This is OMF's mission statement,

To glorify God by the urgent evangelization of East Asia's peoples.

Last night before falling asleep, I thought about the urgency of the gospel. Surely we have matters in our lives that are important (relationship, family, career etc.), I asked myself lately how much of an urgency in sharing the gospel.

I can tell by my response and tone of voice when people asked me how my fundraising is going. It is down and discouraging. And most of the encouragement I receive is that God will provide and in God's timing. That's very true as this is God's ministry and He is in charge.

At the same time...

My heart is sadden to think about those who has a desire to learn about Jesus, the Truth, but never do so because they don't have a church or a Bible to read. Nor do they will ever find freedom from idols as no one will be able to access to them.

When I went to Cambodia earlier this year, it's daunting to see no church is in sight.

And this my heart aches and I am sadden. Because my role as an IT personnel in OMF can help connect the missionaries to the field and shared the gospel faster.

And so I wait. Moving as fast as I can to prepare myself.
And I pray. As this is His Ministries and His Mission.
And I will be anxious. Because this is more important than all the things and lofty goals that I use to hold so dearly.

God will certainly provide a way. At the same time, there are so many others who will perish without knowing the Lord and unless we move and act with Him, they will never discover the peace from above.

Anxiously waiting.
Anxiously hopeful.

Run run run - World Transplant Games 09

2011-09-05T09:22:00.002-04:00

Just found a video taken in 2009 during the 5km running race.

I was the guy in orange :O) Just scroll to 2 min 04 sec

Beyond sentimental

2011-09-04T20:54:00.000-04:00

When we follow the Lord, we tend to have some expectation of what God will do. Instead of following, we 'lead' God in a self focus sense.

Surely if I do this, this and this, God will do this.
Or this is my plan for the ministry He has given to me, Lord you better bless this.

Inevitably, the Lord will surprise us by not following along. Instead, the Lord will show us that He is the Lord and He is leading.

What we expect the Lord to do, the Lord will not do. Instead, the Lord will shatter our expectation and bring us to a point where we recognize that He is in control and He is in charge.

===

Some where at the back of my mind I always thought that when someone embark on following the Lord, other followers will have the same interest. What I find tend to be different. Ever since I tell others about my mission role in Singapore, I had the following conversations....

Friend: So when are you going to Singapore?
Me: Well, it depend on when I reach the funds I am expected to raise.
Friend: They don't pay you?
Me: Nope. This is a mission role. It is a mission organization.
Friend: They should pay you. Don't they have money? What about World Vision? They have lots of money.
Me: It is a different organization. World Vision is not a mission organization. It is a Christian organization but it doesn't focus on mission (in the context of sharing the gospel).
Friend: Well, they still should pay you.

...

Friend: How come you are going to Singapore?
Me: Because God lead me there.
Friend: Do you know if you go to teach English in China, they will pay for you.

It's funny because when I first accepted the role, the biggest shocker is that I have to raise my own support. And to be honest, this is like standing before a cliff and figuring out how to get to the top.

I am thankful by the many who support me, pray for me and encourage me. I wish I can say

Cheer up, God is good. God will provide.

Instead, I am tired. Every step I take I feel so heavy. It feels like I am going nowhere. Despite these feelings, the decision to go or called to go is beyond sentimental. I don't follow Christ on a good day and on a bad day stop following Him. Once the decision is made, God opened the doors, then I have to follow.

Perhaps part of the struggle is that a pigment of the imagination or expectation that when you follow Christ or part take in His ministry, others who are in the same faith will be as encouraging as well. This is not say I have no encouragement. I am just realizing that some do not share same excitement as me.

And that's ok....that's ok because everyone will be use differently and called differently. Not everyone has to support what I am doing.

And it's ok because if this is the Lord's Ministry, He will lead and He will provide.

One thing that I keep mentioning to myself is that even though right now it feels so slow. Like I am going no where. I should move faster (to go nowhere :P). There should be an urgency to prepare myself. To sell things. To thank those who support me. To pray and so on.

What if it takes a year to raise funds or two years or five? I should have the same urgency as it is if I am heading out tomorrow.

This week, I am taking a few days off. I will be up in the cottage with a few friends. I need to go back to what's important. To rely on Him. To seek Him. To be counselled by Him. To be led by Him.

Yes, there are works that my hands need to do. But more importantly, it is where He is working which I need to focus on.

Yes, some day spiritually, I feel like crap. And those are the circumstance which is in my life which will help me draw closer to Him.

Deep down in your heart....

2011-08-30T22:59:00.004-04:00

An interesting conversation tonight at Tim Horton...

Pastor: So what's deep down in your heart. What do you want to do?

Me: To share the gospel.

Pastor: Have you go shared it with people down the street?

Me: No....(then went on telling about R who live on the street in his wheelchair and D who I have pho with and became got Baptized earlier this month).

Pastor: Is that the first priority in your life?

Me: Yes....nothing else matters. My life, my stuff....they are all secondary (smiles).

...

Oh right...that's why I am doing what I am doing to prepare myself to go....

Cliff is preparing to become a missionary with OMF in Singapore. He's seeking the Kingdom first aka..selling everything, prepare what he can to be as simple as possible. ((Let's see how simple he can go!))

Living for Your Glory - Tim Hughes

What good is it to gain the whole world

But lose your soul?

What good is it to make a sweet sound

But remain proud?

In view of God's mercy

I offer my all

Take my life let it be everything, all of me

Here I am, use me for Your glory

In everything I say and do, let my life honour You

Here I am living for Your glory

The road I'm on it leads nowhere without You

And life I'm living finds meaning, in surrender

In view of God's mercy

I offer my all

Seeking first the Kingdom

Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord

Seeking first the Kingdom

Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord

Unexpected Encouragement

2011-08-29T08:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes encouragement comes from unexpected ways..

On Sat night, we had gym night for the University Fellowship. Before we head off to eat, I decided to do a little sharing from John 15 (the vine and the branch). I relate to how I am going Singapore for a mission role. Someone brought some guests to our gym night and one of the guests afterwards came over and pray for me.

He's probably about 17 or so. We stood by the side and pray for a bit. His prayer was full of passion.

I was quite encourage by this. Very thankful by how God provides supporters in little and unexpected ways.

Keep Moving

2011-08-25T23:24:00.001-04:00

I know this blog has been pretty quiet lately. The past few posts I felt that I didn't really shared what's going on in my life. Snipped in a devotion here. Shared a random thought there.

In reality, the past few months were very busy. Looking back from Jan till May, it felt like everyday there was something to do. Between juggling ministries, application for OMF, I wondered how I was able to take a course at McMaster Divinity Seminary. Maybe these all attributed to some high liver enzymes numbers and high blood pressure.

Perhaps this is the North American lifestyle and the pace is very fast (irony, compared to certain Asia regions, like Hong Kong, Japan, or Korea, Canada feels sluggish), but last few weeks, I had to be very conscious to slow down. Very conscious to say no. Very conscious to have some time alone.

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on how God has to open four doors. They are health, family, church and support. These are the four doors in order for me to go on mission. It is a long term role at OMF Head Quarters. God, in His Grace, opens all the doors except one, support (aka finance).

Earlier this week, an OMF coordinator sent me my Total Support Fund (TSF). TSF is how much I need to raise in order for me to go. Given my liver transplant, I have to add on medication and routine tests. To say, it is much higher than what I expected.

And in a way I am a bit frustrated by this. Frustrated in that I am ready to go. I am good to go. But I might not go if I don't have enough money. Perhaps, the surprise is as a missionary I have to raise my own support and how much energy, time and effort has to go into it. Email others, write application, follow up. Of course, these are necessary. If someone is going to sponsor me, I will make sure that their money is going for the Kingdom of God and not my indulgence.

The post I wrote yesterday. I will be pretty honest. God has to pull some crazy miracle in order for me to go. Of course, God is all sovereign and if He provided me with a liver surely money is not an issue. Though a part of me also doubt as well....but just because I doubt, it doesn't mean I stop following Him.

...

A lesson I learnt during my triathlon years is that just because my body is telling me I am tired, it doesn't mean I have to slow down. I learn that I can keep going. Keep Moving.

...

And this frustration, doubt, uncertainty, gives me more energy to move forward.

Ok.

So what can I do to save money?
What can I do to make more money?
What can I sell (check out Cliff's Garage sale)?

...

In triathlon or marathons or running races, there's a term we called toe-ing the line. It is the idea that when we step towards the starting line, we are simply to give everything we have in the race. So in the end, there's no regret. And to give everything, is very very risky because the body always want to go the other way.

...

And so, I am toe-ing the line in seeking God. This is not a time to stop. It is time to keep moving, keep praying and keep seeking.

The most reassurance is that Jesus loves us. Jesus considers us as His friends. I was reflecting from John 15.

2006 Half Ironman Peterborough - this is the last bit of the run. At this stage, there's no holding back.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.

John 15: 9-17

...

If you are interested in learning about my missions and like to pray for me, you can sign up as my prayer partner. You can also contact me and let me know as well. :O) Thank you!

When in doubt...

2011-08-24T14:34:00.000-04:00

If you are following God....or in pursuit of Him...or when He called you....

in those times when you are in doubt....

it is not a reason to stop...

rather, the feeling of doubt and uncertainty is more of a reason to keep going.

...I know I know..this post is quite vague...will explain later...

For now...need to take a bigger step...move forward..not slow down...

Ministry Success and Personal Relationship with God

2011-08-19T19:12:00.001-04:00

A quick thought at the airport before I fly to Boston/Rhode Island for the weekend.

We should never equate success of ministry with our relationship with God. It is dangerous to think that we are close to God when there are plenty of fruits in our ministry (aka conversions, numbers showing up, people are interested in hearing about Jesus etc.) These are all prompted and led by the Spirit. One might be as far away from God and yet the ministry which God given to him continued to blossom.

I am thinking along this line because at the same time when our ministry are dried. There's no fruits. Growth is not in sight. We tend to think if we are away from God. If we did something wrong for God to punish us.

I think this is a mentality of our culture and uprising. That something must cause our ministry to grow or not grow. It depends on us. True, there's work to be done. At the same time, we should recognize that it is God through the Holy Spirit that's leading. People come to Christ not because of fancy speech or elegant presentation. Rather, it is the prompting of the Holy Spirit in someone's heart.

Many speakers always considered Jesus as having the worst ministry outcome. After miracles, teachings, preaching and ressurrection(!), He was betrayed by someone in His inner circle, His disciples fled and He died alone on the cross. I wonder if an evanglist did as much signs as Jesus did in His days, how big would his ministry grow (in numbers etc)? Yet,was Jesus far away from God? (Ok relatively speaking, God forsake Him... but His prayers, His focus on God was as close as ever leading up to the cross). Jesus was completely obedient to the the Father's Will and died a shameful death.

At the same time, if we take a look at the Old Testament, the first King of Israel, Saul, he was far away from God. Yet God used him to fight against the Philistines. At the height of Saul's reign, one would think that he was so close to God. As we seen from history, he was so far away from God that the Spirit left him.

Devotion: Alone at your "Jordan", your "Jericho", and your "Bethel"

2011-08-12T09:46:00.000-04:00

I found yesterday's devotion particularly relate-able.

It is not wrong for you to depend on your “Elijah” for as long as God gives him to you. But remember that the time will come when he must leave and will no longer be your guide and your leader, because God does not intend for him to stay. Even the thought of that causes you to say, “I cannot continue without my ’Elijah.’ ” Yet God says you must continue.

Alone at Your “Jordan” (Kings 2:14). The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one else can take your responsibility from you. You now have to put to the test what you learned when you were with your “Elijah.” You have been to the Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are facing it alone. There is no use in saying that you cannot go— the experience is here, and you must go. If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your “Jordan” alone.

Alone at Your “Jericho” (2 Kings 2:15). Jericho represents the place where you have seen your “Elijah” do great things. Yet when you come alone to your “Jericho,” you have a strong reluctance to take the initiative and trust in God, wanting, instead, for someone else to take it for you. But if you remain true to what you learned while with your “Elijah,” you will receive a sign, as Elisha did, that God is with you.

Alone at Your “Bethel” (2 Kings 2:23). At your “Bethel” you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic— don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Put into practice what you learned while with your “Elijah”— use his mantle and pray (see 2 Kings 2:13-14). Make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore.

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest.

Giving up stuff

2011-08-11T00:49:00.004-04:00

"Do you really need to sell your bike? Can't you bring it to Singapore?"

This is probably the most frequently asked questions lately. Why do you need to sell your bike? Just bring it over to Singapore. You can still ride it there.

I love my bike. I love my Cervelo Dual. It is my first tri bike. I still remembered the golden days when I am more fit and could rip up the road on this stealthy machine.

I even wrote a post about such sorrow for selling my triathlon bike.

So why do it? Why not just take it with me to Singapore and ride it there?

Side Note: I will be heading to Singapore to help OMF with their IT infrastructure.
...

To which I replied...

"Because it hinders ministry..."

Simple as that.

Things that hinders the ministry I need to discard.

But a bike is just a bike right? It's no big deal.

Not a triathlon bike. I always explain to people that a triathlon bike is like a Ferrari. It's great but it is also high maintenance. It ain't a commuter bike where I can park it anywhere. I have to find a place to store it (probably in my room). I have to make sure I bring it to the bike store and have it maintained once a year. With a commuter bike, who cares. It is a commuter bike. If someone stole it, no big deal.

Slowly my attention and focus will be more on taking care of the bike and that energy can be focus in ministry.
In order words, I care more about the things I own than about souls that are lost in the world.

And so...I have to give up my triathlon bike. Maybe in the future God will give me resource to get another one. Maybe not. But this shouldn't be my focus. My focus should be in following Him. If He gives me such resources, great. If not, keep seeking Him anyway.

...

The good news is that my friend from Singapore find a buyer for my bike. This means that I get to ride it until I go, then bring it with me and sell it there.

Sacrifice might be painful...but it is only temporarily loss compare to saving one soul through the ministry which He bestowed upon us.

...

Until then, take every advantage to go on the road, enjoy God's fine creation on two wheels!

Not ability but of poverty

2011-08-08T12:55:00.000-04:00

A devotion I had been reflecting on for a while...

We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian. It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience— all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see 1 Corinthians 1:26-31). God’s friendship is with people who know their poverty. He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all— we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. We do not know what God’s compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him. We must never allow anything to damage our relationship with God, but if something does damage it, we must take the time to make it right again. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack.

From Utmost to His Highest devotion by Oswald Chambers

Encouragement

2011-08-08T00:23:00.000-04:00

I was digging through some of my old stuff and found this note...

Date: Nov 05

Dear Cliff,

Julian and I would like to help you with fixing your teeth. We know that you don't have a dental plan and it'll be very expensive. I know it's not too much but I hope the enclosed cheque does help. I am so encouraged by your attitude Cliff. You are so positive and faithful. Though you have only been a Christian for a short period of time, you are passionate to learn and be a better Christian everyday. I've been a Christian for a long time and sometimes I feel that I have lost that passion. Thank you for sharing your faith and passion with Emmanuel, and for inspiring us to always remember to put our trust in God, in all situations.

Love in Him
Jen & Julian

Procrasination

2011-08-02T21:36:00.004-04:00

There are a few things I need to do. Forms I need to fill. Letters I need to write.

Why am I procrastinate? Busy-ness? Of course. Tired? Maybe.

I think deep down it is because these forms and letters are a clear indication that things will change in a few months. The Lord has opened the doors and I am stepping through them. Ok, maybe stepping through in hesitation.

But it is time. Time to change and time to move.

The Lord is leading....

He comes where He commands us to leave. If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach, but as long as you were disobedient, you blocked His way. Watch where you begin to debate with Him and put what you call your duty into competition with His commands. If you say, “I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here,” it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says.

From Oswald Chamber's My Utmost to His Highest

Our sin must be extremely horrible....

2011-07-28T16:35:00.002-04:00

Our sin must be extremely horrible. Nothing reveals the gravity of sin like the cross. For ultimately what sent Christ there was neither the greed of Judas, nor the envy of the priests, not the vacillating cowardice of Pilate, but our own greed, envy, cowardice, and other sins, and Christ’s resolve in love and mercy to bear their judgment and so put them away.

It is impossible for us to face Christ’s cross with integrity and not feel ashamed of ourselves. Apathy, selfishness, and complacency blossom everywhere in the world except at the cross. There these noxious weeds shrivel and die. There they are seen for the tatty, poisonous things they are. For if there was no way by which the righteous God could righteously forgive our unrighteousness, except that he should bear it himself in Christ, it must be serious indeed…

--from The Cross of Christ (John Stott [passed away yesterday])

I wish....

2011-07-27T11:44:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wish my church is like the other church....

Sometimes I wish my fellowship is like the other fellowship....

How come my Sunday Service is not as energizing as the other one....

Or how come my pastor doesn't preach like ______ (insert big names John Piper, Tim Keller, Francis Chan etc.)...

I think there is legit reasons to focus on self needs. At the same time, lately, I wonder if this is more of a consumeristic and individualistic side of me..aka selfish desire.

God places us in circumstances where we are to grow Christ-like characters. These circumstances are often less than ideal. Like Moses and the disgruntled band of Israelites. Or Paul, having to defend his apostleship rights and at the same time getting persecuted by Jews and gentiles and preach the gospel and rebuke churches.

What if we allow God and let Him direct which church, fellowship, ministry He wants us to go. Even at times it is less ideal (aka suck!).

I find this thought is more consistent with what Jesus talks about deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him.

How can I deny myself when I always want to get what I want? Or how can I deny myself if I get upset when I don't get what I want? Is God really not providing for my needs? Or is God already provide what I needed but like a little child making a hissy fit when a parent refuses to buy candy at the store?

Looking back, some of the less ideal situations, no English pastor, feud within fellowship, these are the moment I grew the most. By growing I learnt to rely all on God. By growing I surrendered all to Him. By growing, to continue to respond in grace, in encourage and in love despite what happen. By growing equals to praying like there's no tommorrow.

These are not done in good feeling from worship, sermon, reading books or fancy programs.

Perhaps it is sombering to realize that what I wish or what I view is the way to growing spiritually God will often blow that out of the water. All the ideals I have about serving Him is thrown out. All (self) ambition goals (which often lead to pride) are broken. It is a matter to be obedience at all cost. Not by my strength but by His Power.

The mind is transformed and renewed with Him being the King and the way He reigns the Kingdom on earth.

Signs of Spiritual Growth

2011-07-26T12:11:00.008-04:00

- who preacher help me grow the most?
- I have no one to connect with in this fellowship, I am outta here.
- who can I talk to when I need help?
- who can pray for me and listen to my needs?
- I can only worship with these songs
- that sermon is so boring, what a waste of time
- God is not here. This is too hard. I am not ready. God is gone and so am I (during the difficult times)
- This is not my fault. This is his fault. God, you see how I am hurting. This is unfair!

====

- how is this church experience help the congregation to grow?
- how is the fellowship help those who are in need of help? How can I contribute to these fellowship? How can I learn from the brothers and sisters indifferent of me?
- who needs help and how I can help them?
- how is this worship song bring me closer to God even if I don't find them fun to listen to...
- that sermon is so boring, what can I learn from this sermon...
- where's God in all of this. How can I learn about God's Grace, Mercy and build up my faith through these trials. I do not want to stay but I know this is the right thing to do. (during the difficult times)
- there's a problem here. I might be wrong. I am hurt. But I will try and restore and reconcile.

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

John 21:18

Parting is such sweet sorrow

2011-07-25T23:50:00.001-04:00

Not that there are many things I cherished. But for a triathlete, it is definitely the bike.

I am always a big fan of riding. When I was little with my BMX, to the first time my parents got me a 18 speed bike, to my first road bike, to my first tri bike. There's some special of going on the road, pedaling down for hours on end.

I can still remember the days when I use to ride in my neighbourhood after school. I will ride so long that my aunt will come out worry about me. The youths of my summers were spent on two wheels. Exploring every side road, dirt path, hidden path my neighborhood offered.

It's strange how the love for cycling never fades away. I parted with it during highschool and University. Once I graduated and started to work, I picked up a road bike with clipped pedals. The passion to ride came back and I will ride everyday. This time though, it won't be my neighborhood no more. Instead of exploring the suburbs, I would explore from town to town. I would ride as far as the road would take me. To the farmlands.

Again, it never felt bored. There was always a new road to explore, new route to discover.

The tri bike is by far the best experience I had in regards to riding. I picked up the Cervelo Dual after I finished my Ironman in 2007. It's an older 2004 mode. It didn't matter. It was my first tri bike. It felt fast. It felt great on the road.

What else can I say? The bike and I went everywhere. In all types of terrain, in all types of weather. In the hills, in the valleys, in the sun, in the heat, in the snow, in the rain. Cyclist and triathletes are obsess and have such tight bonds about their bikes. Maybe because it is during these tough times in training when we reflect on how well the two wheel contraption below us performed. It just kept going and going and going.

As long as my mind keeps upping the intensity, as long as my legs keep pushing the pedal, the bike just gives and gives and gives. There's something about pouring yourself over a stretch of road.

There's nothing like going 35 kph + in the tri position as your legs are filling with laetic acid, you are inhaling as much air as your lungs can hold, your mind is focusing on keeping the pace as long as you can.....

With my preparation to Singapore..I know I must part with what I own. And so I posted my Cervelo Dual up for sale online. Indeed parting is such sweet sorrow....

...if you are interested in my bike, the full details is available at bit.ly/cervelo-dual-4-sale.

Mercy and Grace

2011-07-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

Of all the lessons and reflection on God's Mercy and Grace, I still think I still live in a life of expectations, performance and works.

I remember a prof use to say that looking back, if he's going to error, he will error in grace.

As a do-er (I am a high D on DISC), the frustration that comes often is relate to doing. This is not righteous anger or holy discontent. In a way, it is a matter of self pride and maintain self worth by compare myself better than others.

It is as simply as..

I am right because God is with me. (shouldn't it be God is right and I am with Him instead)
I am better than the other person because..they don't _____ [pray, serve, worship, go to fellowship]
God, I am doing soo much for you..how come they don't do it and still come to you. That's totally unfair. (what if God give grace to them just as much as I am..what's diff does it make?)
I am right and you are wrong and here are the reasons..... (discouragement without a route or a path for reconciliation....definitely lack of grace and mercy).

Perhaps that's why the worship song like Unashamed is soo good...because it brings me down to my knees and to realize that..hey..Cliff you a sinner and you suck just like anyone else.. Do you remember when you were drunk when you were in rage when you were bitter? Didn't God offer grace to you? So why would you not do the same to those who wrong you or in-different from you?

By not forgiving others, the ultimate person that hurt is myself. It is painful and the bitterness that never fades away. That's why forgiveness and grace is so good. It help each of us to let go of those wrong doings. The times when we wrong others and the times when they 'wrong' us. Forgiving others and being forgiven should be the commonality in a Christian circle.

Strangely, we sometimes at church live in a performance model where we hid our sins and pretend to be righteous and 'holy'. In a way, you have your sins and I have mine. Don't come and open my sins and I won't do the same.

Some say that you have to repent first for God to bless you.....perhaps, it is through God's graciousness that we can repent....and a heart transformed by the Holy Spirit can forgive and repent freely. Because we have a security that our heavenly Father is rich in mercy, love and compassion.

To be honest, still not sure how i can represent this in my church and my circle of influence. Sometimes it feels so easy to just stop trying when you see others are not the same. This is where I need to get back to how God changed my life....hmm ... :O)

Brokeness Complete

2011-07-25T00:17:00.000-04:00

Worship with this song during service...so good.

Unashamed - Starfield

I have not much

To offer You

Not near what You deserve

But still I come

Because Your cross

Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King

Of sympathy

Whose wounds secure my peace

Your grace extends

To call me friend

Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak

I know I'm unworthy

To call upon Your name

But because of grace

Because of Your mercy

I stand here unashamed

I can't explain

This kind of love

I'm humbled and amazed

That You'd come down

From heavens heights

And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet

In my brokeness complete

Three Days Grace - Lost In You

2011-07-22T10:27:00.000-04:00

Heard this song on the radio recently....quite catchy...

Always knew that you'd come back to get me

And you always knew that it wouldn't be easy

To go back to the start to see where it all began

Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends

You tried to lie and say I was everything

I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

You always thought that I left myself open

But you didn't know I was already broken

I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad

But pulling away it took everything I had

You tried to lie and say I was everything

I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

In you

The pain of it all, the rise and the fall

I see it all in you

Now everyday I find myself saying

"I want to get lost in you"

I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside

Let me get close to you

Change your mind

I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

A way to get lost in you

Mentality between racing for fun and racing to win

2011-07-21T15:00:00.003-04:00

Definitely not related to Christian faith but I like to jot this down for my own sake.

As I look back over the races I done, triathlons, marathons, road races, some of them I did it for fun and some I do to win (or at least a personal best).

Racing for fun is simple, you go in and have fun. For me, I don't care too much about my time. Usually this takes in a form of helping another friend to finish.

2006 Half Ironman Peterborough - this is my first Half Ironman and my goal is to have fun and get to the finish line.

Racing to win is a different ball game. It is very straight forward and simple. It is simply to get to the finish line as fast as possible. In a way, it is very free because there is no doubts, no worry, no distractions. No what should I do for the weekend? No concerns of what other think. No self doubt if I am good enough. It is simply getting my butt to the finish line. It usually hurt a lot. When the gun starts, you go. You don't stop until you finish. Done.

2009 World Transplant Games. I am leading on a 5 km race. I won first place by a mere few seconds.

Racing for fun, is ok if I hold back. Racing to win, there's no holding back. Either go all in or don't go at all.

It is not a matter asking if you are going to go all out or not. It is simply a matter of when you go all out.

- mentality of a racer

The mentality is very different. It is essential that we don't confuse or mix them. If I am racing to win and I question myself to go all out or not, in mind, I already lost.

In a way, the mindset to win on a race is much like our Christian walk. It is also all in or not. There's no halves or quarters. No buts, no ifs. When it comes to drawing close to the Lord, He will put us with circumstances where we need to surrender all. Any selfish motives, pride, desire, and ego, are quickly expose.

2009 World Transplant Games in Australia. The beginning of the 5 km bike time trial. Quite an awkward picture :O).

Busy-ness

2011-07-19T09:01:00.000-04:00

I love to be busy. I love crossing over the items on the many to do list.

Sometimes at work, I get in a mode where I just blast one email after another. Just get it done.

Though, lately, perhaps I am too busy to even jot down what's been going on in my life.

The busier I gets, the more I want to get stuff done and it leads to even busier.

It is time to slow down and seek Him.

All the ministries after all is given by Him. His Spirit is the origin and the sustainer of all things.

......will jot more :O)

On a side note...yesterday, I discovered a great trail not too far from my house. It's along the river with trees towering on either side...reminded me of Psalm 1.

Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

Psalm 1

Not an option

2011-07-17T08:57:00.002-04:00

"The Great Commission is not an option to be considered; it is a command to be obeyed."

— Hudson Taylor

Devotion: Priorities

2011-07-13T01:37:00.003-04:00

From My Utmost for His Highest...

Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, “In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You.”

Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.

Strangely, how lately all I can think about is how much I am willing to give up for Him. All that I once have. All that I once treasure. All are gone.

The Lord doesn't ask for a tenth or a portion. He commands ~~to take~~ all.

~~Abandon~~ Surrender everything.

Why do we have to die to get to heaven?

2011-07-12T00:37:00.002-04:00

D asked me this question...

Why do we have to die in order to get to heaven? Why do we have to die in order to attain a good life?

I stopped eating my pho, put my chop sticks down, looked squarely into D's eyes in which I replied....

You are asking the wrong question. The question we should all be asking to ourselves is why do God willing to let His Son died for us to get to heaven?

Then I go on explaining God's Grace. Ridiculous Grace. As Tim Keller called it, the Prodigal God (Prodigal meaning someone who spends recklessly, freely, extravagant).

This is how we are saved.

Though pho might not be spiritual food....I am thankful for a spiritual conversation among a Vietnamese dish!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

Worry and idol

2011-07-11T12:08:00.000-04:00

I notice lately how my worry can easily become my idols and sway me from seeking Him first.

For example...if I worry I don't have money, in my mind I can already think of so many different ways to make more. Back up plans.

Yet, the most important is to sit before Him first.

To some, this might not be very practical. For me, it is a way to train myself spiritually to rely fully on Him.

What a great reminder to myself as well. Seek Him and His Kingdom first.

At times it might seem irresponsible or impractical to seek Him first. Not sure what to say but if this is His Will, I will as well.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:24-34

Commitment and the Kingdom of God

2011-07-10T01:47:00.000-04:00

We never enter into the Kingdom of God by having our head questions answered, but only by commitment.

- Oswald Chambers

OMF Acceptance

2011-07-08T11:49:00.002-04:00

Been a bit busy lately. Don't have much time to blog.

Someday, I will tell the whole story...in short, OMF (Overseas Missionary Fellowship) offered me an IT role in their Headquarter in Singapore. After a lengthy application process, they accepted me.

It had been indeed a longer process than I would imagine. Partly because of my health condition. Having a liver transplant, they needed to be careful that I will have adequate support when I am overseas.

I am still in the midst of getting medical clearance. Meeting with my family doctor to get the adequate tests for the OMF doctors.

Through this process, the thoughts of the Cost of Discipleship dawn on me many times. Give up everything and follow Him.

A few months ago, when I started walking down this journey, the obstacles were so huge. The doors seemed to be closed. My liver numbers were high. The doctor wasn't sure the cause of it. Yet, God knocked them down one at a time.

I am hopefully hopeful in all circumstances.

So this morning, as I reflected upon this. Though I am tired and feel burdened by the amount of work, follow up, exploration involve for support and medical clearance, I am also joyful to see how God works.

So with this in mind.....

...gotta keep moving.

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
“I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”

So Abram went, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him.

Genesis 12: 1-4

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

Matthew 9:9

Gospel According to the Parable of the Sower

2011-07-04T23:19:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since I listened to a refreshing talk on the Kingdom of God. The one main point I picked from this video is that my failures are part of God's winning strategies. So refreshing!! This video is taken from Reaching the Unreached 2011 Conference.

Gospel ministry according to the parable of the sower - Andy Mason from Reaching the Unreached on Vimeo.

Music to my ears

2011-07-04T18:44:00.001-04:00

AST -28
ALT -41
ALP - 83
BI -24

These are my latest liver blood results. AKA they are normal :O)

Devotion: Do Not Fret

2011-07-04T11:24:00.003-04:00

Today's devotion...quite applicable to being someone that is always worry all the time..

Fretting means getting ourselves “out of joint” mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say, “Do not fret,” but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself unable to fret. It’s easy to say, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people. Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then? If this “Do not” doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This “Do not” must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work. And if it will not work in your particular case, it will not work for anyone else. Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

Have you been propping up that foolish soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God to handle? Set all your opinions and speculations aside and “abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God.

I am ever more conscious of how my opinions and speculations (assumptions) often result in divisions, conflicts and sins. You know what they say about assume. It makes an ass out of u and me.

Sanctification: Feels like crap

2011-06-30T10:03:00.001-04:00

A gmail chat with a friend....

just seek Christ...at times u might not feel like u are changing

but u will if u look back like 5 years from now

that's usually how sanctification works...it feels like crap or feels like nothing is changing..but it is

it is just like training for a tri

it feels like crap

but u reap the fruits on race day
:D

Love is...

2011-06-29T23:58:00.001-04:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I remembered I used these verses when I told someone I like to get into a relationship a long time ago. Looking back, it was nothing but a fainting memory. It no longer hurt as it was before.

It wasn't until recently that I realized Paul used this passage to describe the love among brothers and sisters in Christ in a church setting.

There are two ways to read this passage. I can read this and critique others.

Oh someone doesn't very patient. Clearly he is not lovable. Why should I care about him?

Lately, I am trying to read it as an encouragement for my own actions and feelings. Especially those times when I am feeling not very lovingly....

I am losing my patience. I am getting angry. I don't want to keep going. This is so hard. Why should I have to love......I don't want to love. I am losing hope. This sucks.

Then I reflect on this passage....

Oh...though I don't feel like loving right now. To love is to preserve. Therefore, I can or learn to choose to be kind. Choose to have patience.

There's a difference between aligning Scriptures to fit me instead of aligning myself to the Scriptures. The former is self seeking. The latter Glorifies God.

Dependence On The Lord

2011-06-24T12:31:00.003-04:00

"His authority on earth allows us to dare to go to all the nations. His authority in heaven gives us our only hope of success. And His presence with us leaves no other choice."

- John Stott

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20

The Calling...

2011-06-23T18:16:00.003-04:00

...of Matthew

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

Matthew 9:9

On Christ the Rock I Stand

2011-06-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

...all other grounds are sinking sand...

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

All other ground is sinking sand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,

I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

When my world falls apart and the light turns into dark.

When the clouds gather around and the storms overhwlem.

When my heart breaks in half and my strength cannot last.

When I lost in this land and i can't see Your plans.

I'll stand.

Reckless Abandonment

2011-06-18T23:52:00.002-04:00

I used to play paintball in a tournament back in University days. In fact, my friends and I were part of a three man team. The style of paintball we played is called speedball.

Speedball is set up in a symmetrical field with bunkers and a flag in the middle. Each team starts on opposite side. The goal is to either bring the flag to the other side or tag (shoot) the other team out. It is a very fast pace game.

In Speedball, there are two types of players. There are the front players which move up close to the other team, grab the flag and take the other team out. There's also the back players. Their role is to support the front players by making sure the other team is not moving up (aka shoot a lot of paintballs at the other team). My friend and I loved to be front players. I loved the rush of adrenaline. Time slowed down as you popped up, shoot, and ducked just in time before you get hit. Your pupils widen as you tried and figured out how to take out the other team. There's nothing like the feeling of dash into a bunker as paintballs are travelling at 300 ft/sec coming at you. It was an exhilarating experience.

Those moments when I played exceptionally well was when I focused on taking the opposite team out. Because of the quick reflexes require to be a good front player, hesitation will get you tagged out. If I worried about getting hit, I won't dash up as fast. I could feel the fear in me. It's those situations when I focused on the main goal. To take out the other team. To make sure my team win. I am willing to win this game bad enough that I will do it at even at the expense of sacrificing myself.

Thinking and deciding is already too late. Just do it.

At times, you have to be reckless.

Tonight I was reading Oswald Chamber's devotion on Keep Recognizing Jesus. Oswald discusses that when Jesus calls us to do something, however big or small, whatever our circumstances we are in, just do it. Be reckless to risk your all.

The idea of risking your all doesn't sound as foreign to me. In triathlon, in Half Ironmans, in marathons, in a race, an athlete at times have to risk it all. They are all in or nothing. There's no half way. There's no questioning. There's no in between.

Whenever I question myself why I need to go all out, I already lost. I will inevitably slow down. I will talk myself out from going all in. An athlete doesn't ask a question to ask why do they have to go all in. That's the name of the game. It is simply a matter of when.

Truly awesome...

We step right out with recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go. If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes His rebuke, “. . . why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him.

If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, “Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?” Be reckless immediately— totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything— by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to Him. It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness— being willing to risk your all.

Reckless Abandonment....

Lay down your life

2011-06-16T23:21:00.001-04:00

This is a reflection from today's devotion from Oswald Chamber's Utmost for His Highest....

A while ago, I had this interesting thought...through the journey of seeking His Kingdom above everything else....I realized all my stuff is His. I sat on my bed. Looked over my bookshelves and told myself, 'all the books belonged to Him.' I looked up on the shelves where my triathlon gears were and said, 'the bike, the triathlon gears are all His. If He wants to take it away....just let me know and I will give it away.'

In the western world, we often attribute ourselves based on what we own. Possessions are a representative of our personality and individuality. If you want to be sporty, you get a Toyota Rav4. If you want to be cool, get a Honda Civic. What we own and what we consume is an extension of who we are. This applies to house, cars, clothing, brand names, types of vacation we go to, and even the food we eat.

As I sat in my room slowly releasing all my possessions to Him, I realized that sooner or later my life belonged to Him.

This life is God's. If tomorrow He takes it away, I have no right to say no. My life is in His hands. All that I once considered as valuable, important, and priority. Gone.

In a morbid sort of way, I really consider that Cliff Tam died along the way. I don't know when. I don't know when I started to think like this. I just know it was sometime after I signed a contract with God that I would seek Him first back in Dec 25 2007 until now.

I am pretty sure if I go back in time, say 2005, when I first gone to church and someone told me, 'Cliff, if you want to be a Christian, you will have to give up everything and follow Him. Everything that you have now means nothing.'

I would probably think you are crazy and you are nuts. Our whole world and our live is build upon getting more, accumulating more, getting better, moving on top. No one ever tell you, you start from top and work you way down (let alone work your way down with JOY).

And so somewhere along the path of seeking Him. With the transformation from the Holy Spirit, the old Cliff Tam is gone. He died along the way. I bury him somewhere along the path. This life is now His.

He goes and I follow.
He directs and I obey.
There's no ifs, no complaints, no whining (at least not a lot).
It is obedience and servant hood.
What do the servant do? He doesn't whines when his master tells him what to do.
He serves.
He deals with crappy situation.
He does as he is told.

If I am a friend of Jesus, I must deliberately and carefully lay down my life for Him. It is a difficult thing to do, and thank God that it is. Salvation is easy for us, because it cost God so much. But the exhibiting of salvation in my life is difficult. God saves a person, fills him with the Holy Spirit, and then says, in effect, “Now you work it out in your life, and be faithful to Me, even though the nature of everything around you is to cause you to be unfaithful.” And Jesus says to us, “. . . I have called you friends. . . .” Remain faithful to your Friend, and remember that His honor is at stake in your bodily life.

I like the last part of what Oswald Chamber said.....we often blame our circumstances of our sinful nature.

It is his fault. I got angry because he lies.
We might not even realize it consciously. One sin does not justify another sin.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. - Romans 12:17

This is not my problem...he messed it up in the first place
When things turned bad.
Hahaha he deserved it. God reigns!

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. - Galatians 6:1-2

I can't believe he is doing this again. I tried to help him and he doesn't listen. I told him what to do. This is HIS FAULT. Not my fault.
Sometimes we think we encourage others when in fact it is a reflection of our own selfish motive and pride.

You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. - Romans 14:10

But Oswald said we can not be like this. When we have to work out our salvations, we are to be light in this fallen and broken world. Even to our Christian brothers and sisters! There's never an excuse for a reason to be mad or to get angry. These are the very temptation we are to struggle against and we simply have to struggle and overcome them.

So good!!

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. ³⁶ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? ³⁷ Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? ³⁸ If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

Mark 8:34-38

Quote on sin

2011-06-16T11:05:00.001-04:00

This is probably one of the best quotes I read for a long time...

“The sin underneath all sins is the lie that we cannot trust the love and grace of Jesus and that we must take matters into our own hands.

- Martin Luther

Learning to trust is much harder than learning to do.

The Holy Experiment

2011-06-13T20:50:00.002-04:00

Looking back over my journey with Christ, there's a point where it was liberating and refreshing when I realized that I can give my whole life to God and He can take control of everything.

Surely, if we take a look, He is in control of everything. After all, He is the one who created everything under the sun. It is when my small mind realized that I do not have to fret nor do I have to worry when I can offer my whole life to Him.

I think it is by our nature to preserve ourselves. Maybe protect our things and our body.

What got me started to think this way is through having no money to fix my teeth from a bike accident a few years ago. Or the realization that the liver transplant and after all the binge drinking, I still, by His Grace, can do an Ironman and be healthy.

It's also at this point where I had a desire to follow Him. Not just simply follow but to willing to follow Him at all cost. In a way, it might feel limiting. I had build up my 'asset', my experience, my education, my career, my stuff....and Jesus in many cases called His Disciples to give it up and follow Him.

In a way, this is the biggest test or experiment of one's life. This decision or this desire to follow ain't just a head knowledge. It is reflected from one's life and one's action.

Among reading many missionaries and some intimate experience with the Holy One, I ask myself this question.....what does it mean to follow Christ?

I never really talk about it to many Christian brothers and sisters. Most of us are interested in many things. Giving up stuff is rarely one of them.

I didn't think much about it...until I read today's devotion from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.

The devotion is about the desire to follow Christ and surrendering everything to Him...

If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you— and His experiments always succeed.

It is true. It is He who is in charge. He who wields the experiment.

Last night, I was reading Galatians again and I noticed this writing from Paul in Chapter 1:13-16...

For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers. But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being

I noticed how from Paul's view, at least in this epistle, his conversion is all God at work.

In verse 13, he wrote...

For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers.

Paul was persecuting the church. Paul tried to destroy it. Paul was religious in Judaism. Paul was zealous. It was all Paul's actions.

Then in verse 14-16, we see a transition of who is at work...

But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being

Now it was God who set Paul part. God who called Paul by His Grace. God who revealed His Son to Paul. God who gave Paul the ministry preach to the Gentiles. Now it is all God!

And so here I stand. All before Him. He leads. He guides. He supplies. He reigns.

With that in mind, I can fully lean on Him and be part of this Holy Experiment. The experiment of my own life and see how Good He truly is.

There is no fear for lack of things because He is the one who provides.
There is no need to worry of the future because He is the one who plans and acts.
There is no concern to follow to today's world of pattern to get more, obtain more, accumulate more because He is the Good Shepherd.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2

The best part about this experiment is....because He is the author, He will always succeed....and He always blow my mind. To know God's will...is worth more than all the fancy things this world offers...

Thank you...

2011-06-13T00:03:00.000-04:00

Saw this video from Hagar International....

Whatever it takes

as long as it takes

to restore a broken life....

Praise His Name

2011-06-10T09:44:00.000-04:00

At Praise and Worship on Wednesday, we sang this song....so good.

Praise His Name by Sheri Easter

When you're up against a wall
And your mountain seems so tall
And you realize that life's not always fair
You can run away and hide
Let the old man decide
Or you can change your curcumstances with a prayer

When everything falls apart
Praise his name
When you have a broken heart
Raise your hands and say
Lord, you're all I need
You're everything to me
And he'll take the pain away
When you feel you're all alone
Praise his name
And you feel all hope is gone
Raise your hands and say
Greater is he that is within me
And you can praise the hurt away
If you'll just praise his name

Ohhh,
You can overcome
By the blood of the lamb
And by the word of your testimony
You'll see the darkness go
As your faith begins to grow
You're not alone, so how can you be lonely

When everything falls apart
Praise his name
When you have a broken heart
Raise your hands and say
Lord, you're all I need
You're everything to me
And he'll take the pain away
When it seems you're all alone
Praise his name
And you feel you can’t go on
Raise your hands and say
Greater is he that is within me
And you can praise the hurt away
If you'll just praise his name

It is well with my soul...

2011-06-09T08:43:00.002-04:00

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

(Source: Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_with_My_Soul)

Bitterness

2011-06-08T18:19:00.002-04:00

Wisdoms from Oswald Chamber...

Defenders of the faith are inclined to be bitter until they learn to walk in the light of the Lord. When you have learned to walk in the light of the Lord, bitterness and contention are impossible.

Biblical Psychology

Sometimes we are bitter toward others...sometimes others are bitter toward us....a few days ago on Facebook status, someone posted why do people fight and cause unnecessary dramas.

Sometimes we are the bystanders of this and we wonder...and sometimes we are the source of the drama...and sometimes we are the receiving end.

When drama occurs,there's a tendency for one to become bitter.

This ain't fair.

This is all your/his/her fault.

Why don't they fix it?

As I see my own bitterness and the bitterness of others, I become to wonder how is it possible for people to reconcile when the world is full of hate, anger..and bitterness?

From a biblical perspective, this stems from sin. Paul calls this worldly desire or desire of the flesh. And it is the root cause of the problems between our interaction with one another.

How interesting, this is the exact one of the two commandments, Jesus tells his disciples to follow...Love your neighbor as yourself.

With bitterness, there's often a sense of guilt. Especially those who are religious, when after some reflection and to their surprise (and at times dismay), how dark and bitter they become. This might take in other forms. Such as inability to find joy and peace. Or it might lash out other people with other selfish nature: pride, authoritative, sarcasm, being cynical.

How can I do such a thing? What will other think of me?
I am a terrible person. I know what's wrong and I still committed it. There's no hope in me.
This just hurts too much. I can't bear the sight of it.

Maybe what they said before or an act the committed, it became a game to cover this up. Maybe hardening oneself and ignore the guilt. Maybe becoming more religious and earn forgiveness by doing good works. The issue with other cases is that deep inside, our heart is still broken. We cannot bear to see ourselves.

Following Christ offers a different way. Jesus comes with the Good News that our wrongs are forgiven. He took them and suffered for us on the cross. It's paid and done with. Instead of guilt and fear. He offered us mercy and love.

It is within this new found love or being in love that we can slowly beginning to love ourselves.

Before Christ, we might have a temper, we might hate each other, we might want to get our ways and if you are in the way, get out!

But when we witness the depth of Love He had for us, our heart is changed and we can move beyond our past.

After tasting His Goodness, we can have the courage, the strength to put down our old ways.

God sees that I am wonderful despite my mistakes. In Him, I am such a treasure that He gave His son for me.

If I can be forgiven for such painful pasts, surely I can do the same to others.

This is the transformation of a Christian. The heart is no longer dull nor harden. Instead it is full of joy and peace. We no longer have to shoulder our guilty. We are free. Free of our mistakes and our pasts. We can stand up and stand before Him.

This is living in the light. The light where it shines so brightly it overshadow the bitterness, the prideful self, the darkness.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.

Romans 12:12-14

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

John 15:9-17

Devotion - What’s Next To Do?

2011-06-08T13:32:00.001-04:00

Taken from today's devotion from My Utmost for His Highest:

Be determined to know more than others. If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea. Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened. If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock. You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself— begin to have spiritual discernment.

When you know that you should do something and you do it, immediately you know more. Examine where you have become sluggish, where you began losing interest spiritually, and you will find that it goes back to a point where you did not do something you knew you should do. You did not do it because there seemed to be no immediate call to do it. But now you have no insight or discernment, and at a time of crisis you are spiritually distracted instead of spiritually self-controlled. It is a dangerous thing to refuse to continue learning and knowing more.

The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2. It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in your life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice . . .” (1 Samuel 15:22). Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been. “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know . . .” (John 7:17).

Sometimes following Christ involves burning all the bridges I once know, I once thought of, or I once planned. It is not a sacrifice but the obedient to follow when there's no bridge in sight. To continue to walk toward the chasm with a full desire and determination that He will hold onto us along the way.

His Kingdom
His Sovereignty
His Will
His Rules
His Way

What the heck is a cygnet?

2011-06-07T20:43:00.000-04:00

I have to look this up.

Cygnet= baby swan.

Saw a few cygnets this evening....

Bible Study in Twenty minutes: Romans drive by

2011-06-06T23:50:00.006-04:00

Note: This post might seem like textual diarrhea. I apologize. My mind has a tendency to jump from one point to another and random at times. It's ok. Sometimes even I don't understand what I am thinking (or blogging!).

I tend to bounce ideas in my head pretty fast. Especially if I really want to dig. I had an obsession to keep reading and keep digging until I find out what it means.

This is the same when I have a passage stuck in my head.

I have a tendency to read the Bible in sections. Rarely do I quote one line. Sometimes I find it hard to share with others because I already done a lot of thinking and processing in the back end. To simply to love one another, for example is good. But Paul spent most of his epistles explaining..then he ends with..therefore..love one another....etc etc.

On my Google Chat Status, I put down the following:

Conforming to His Will

The word, conform, reminded me of what Paul said in Romans 12. So I went straight to Romans 12. If you are the type that memorize Scriptures, you probably already know Romans 12:1 which is...

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (NIV)

In verse 2, it reads:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So I found the word, conform, then I thought about, what's the pattern of this world? What was Paul trying to say?

Paul explained very well in the rest of the chapter....

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (v3)

I am going to put in bullet list. It is much easier to read:

Love must be sincere
Hate what is evil; cling to what is good
Be devoted to one another in love.
Honor one another above yourselves.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.
Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another.
Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.
Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I highlighted one another because (of course, this is based my own experience and my walk with Christ and in church) most of us don't enjoy loving or caring one another. There's always someone in church or fellowship which we have an offense towards. Maybe they said something that offended us. Maybe it was something irritable they done. And this is a reminder to myself. I can't consider myself as living for Christ if these ill feelings are causing relationship issues with my Christian brothers and sisters.

The list above is what Paul considered as offering our body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

If you read my blog, you will notice that I have a tendency to poke at Christian at how we often define Christians as one who goes to church a lot, read the Bible and books a lot, goes to many conferences or serve in leadership role or multiple ministries. Though I think these are some signs of someone growing in Christ. For me when I evaluate myself, I am starting to evaluate what Paul wrote in the list.

To be honest, what Paul wrote in the list is so much harder than just doing stuff and running programs.

For example: when was the last time I try to live in harmony with someone I have an issue with at church? When was the last time when someone rub me the wrong way or insult me or 'attack' me, I don't take revenge? Instead, I do good to that person instead?

Reading this passage, especially in verse 3, reminded me that I am not really that good. This is a good reminder when someone will come by and say...oh Cliff is such a good Christian because he _____ (insert something I do). I suck. Before the Lord, I suck. But by His Grace I have the honor to be His servant...

Anyways, I continue to read the next chapter (chapter 13).

Paul wrote about obeying the governing authorities (government). They are established by God so therefore we must submit to them (v1-8). The next part is about loving your neighbour in fulfilling the Lord (v8-10). I found it very interesting how Paul pulled the Law (the Ten Commandments) when in the earlier chapters, he stated that the more we tried to follow the law, the more we see sin in us and that caused death (Romans 7:10). I probably have to think about this some more as to what Paul is trying to say in Chapter 13:8-10.

In the end of the chapter, Paul wrote that salvation is coming and therefore we should put on the armor of light....there's more guidelines:

- let us behave decently
- not in carousing and drunkeness
- not in sexuality and debauchery
- not in dissension and jealous

In verse 14, Paul wrote:

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.

So when Paul mentioned fleshly desires, they are the things listed above: carousing, drunkenness, sexuality, debauchery, dissension and jealousy. We are to put these things aside. I must admit I can feel myself getting tempted by lust, getting upset over what someone got and I don't have (jealousy) and at times had thoughts to create conflicts instead of bring harmony. As Paul said, let put these darkness deeds aside and put on the armor of light. I love how Paul uses darkness to depict the fleshly desires. These are the secret hidden things which we won't say or do publicly but do it in our private leisure....simply awesome metaphors.

I keep going to chapter 14. I like this part too because I can relate very closely with it.

Paul wrote to accept those whose faith is weak and not quarrel over minor things (Romans 14:1). How often, do I get into a fight or say something to cause conflict over minor points. In Paul's letter, in his situation, what does he consider as minor?

Food, for one (Romans 14:2-3). And sacred days as well (Romans 14:5-9). Paul really makes this clear. Who gives you the right to judge one another? It is God who judges (Romans 14:4).

Sometimes we think these are important. Maybe even church tradition or how much to tithe or other matters. To Paul, none of these really matters. What truly matter is living in the Kingdom of God (Romans 14:17). This is of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. This also relates to each other as well (Romans 14:13, 15, 18).

A verse like 15 is huge...

If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died.

This means that how I act, even if I have the right to act means nothing if the way I act is distress to other brothers or sisters. As Paul said, do not become a stumbling block for a brother or a sister (Romans 14:13). What does this mean? If we read the previous chapters, we know that we should act in love. This also means that we should encourage to one another grow. Sometimes I get worry when I use some fancy Christian terminology and it causes some brothers and sisters to feel they are inferior Christians or not as 'spiritual' (if you read the whole blog, you see Paul considers spiritual through the love and harmony of one another). That might cause them to stumble. They might think that they are not good enough to be a Christian. It all goes back to what Paul wrote in Romans 12:3...

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

I actually start going back to reading Romans 11 and 10 as well. If you notice Romans 12:1 starts off with the word, therefore. This means all the things Paul wrote prior to chapter 12 is trying to explain what I just covered. The grafted tree, the oliver branch, rejection by the Israelites...all are used to explain chapter 12 on.

Funny how in my mind I was able to process this so much faster. Definitely faster than jotting it down on today's post ;o)

Key take aways for me...

- when was the last time I encourage others? (Romans 14:13)
- have I forgive and do good to those who wrong me? Can I leave the vengeance to God? (Romans 12:17)
- Have I tried to live at peace with EVERYONE (this include those I do not like, I don't agree with, those who 'wronged' me, those who tick me off, those who I found annoying...) (Romans 12:18) - I don't like it sometimes. It is so much easier to hold a grudge. Everyone else is doing it...oh wait what did my Google Status said again? Conform to His Will...right. His Will. Not mine :O.

- am I still conforming to the pattern of this world? Loves evil, cursing others, loves conflicts...or do I offer up my body and be transformed by the renewing of my mind? Peace, in harmony with one another, not be a stumbling block...(Romans 12:1)

For me, these are probably a better indicator of how much I have grown through the years....If I harbor ill feelings of another brother, sister or someone who doesn't know Christ, then I totally don't understand what Paul is saying....

A Present to a First Year Old

2011-06-04T21:10:00.005-04:00

I like things that rhymes ;o)

Little Lilias is turning one.
May she grow up falling in love with the Divine One.

May she shines like a lily in spring.
Knowing that she is cherished by the Eternal King.

May she be a blessing to her family and friends.
And her desire is to see the Kingdom that never ends.

I wish her best on her first birthday.
As she laughs, cheers and says hip hip horray!

Geese...

2011-05-31T23:29:00.000-04:00

Don't be fool....the mama and papa geese are very protective and nasty. They hiss at me as I take those pics.

Devotion - Yes, but...

2011-05-30T00:43:00.004-04:00

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest...I found it very relate-ble as I am going through the application for OMF.

Lord, I will follow You, but . . . —Luke 9:61

Suppose God tells you to do something that is an enormous test of your common sense, totally going against it. What will you do? Will you hold back? If you get into the habit of doing something physically, you will do it every time you are tested until you break the habit through sheer determination. And the same is true spiritually. Again and again you will come right up to what Jesus wants, but every time you will turn back at the true point of testing, until you are determined to abandon yourself to God in total surrender. Yet we tend to say, “Yes, but— suppose I do obey God in this matter, what about . . . ?” Or we say, “Yes, I will obey God if what He asks of me doesn’t go against my common sense, but don’t ask me to take a step in the dark.”

Jesus Christ demands the same unrestrained, adventurous spirit in those who have placed their trust in Him that the natural man exhibits. If a person is ever going to do anything worthwhile, there will be times when he must risk everything by his leap in the dark. In the spiritual realm, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold on to or believe through common sense, and leap by faith into what He says. Once you obey, you will immediately find that what He says is as solidly consistent as common sense.

By the test of common sense, Jesus Christ’s statements may seem mad, but when you test them by the trial of faith, your findings will fill your spirit with the awesome fact that they are the very words of God. Trust completely in God, and when He brings you to a new opportunity of adventure, offering it to you, see that you take it. We act like pagans in a crisis— only one out of an entire crowd is daring enough to invest his faith in the character of God.

I was thinking on Friday that following Christ is a matter of surrendering. Surrendering a bit of my life. Sometimes in pieces, sometimes as a whole and let Him take over. Perhaps in a western world, the mentality of surrendering is unfavorable when we have a desire to accumulate more and build wealth and security.

When Jesus asked His followers to follow Him, He asked them to surrender their identity, their possessions, all the things they once hold dear to. The fishermen gave up their nets and boat. The tax collector gave up his booth. In some ways, the person is dead. That person no longer exists. Does Jesus offering something better in return? Haha...this must be the selfish mindset at work. Why would I want to give up everything if I am not getting something better in value?

Faith is a funny thing. Faith cannot be develop by what we see or touch. It is invisible. Faith can only comes from trial, adversity and at times as Oswald Chambers said...taking a shot in the dark.

Someone might go to church. Read their Bibles. Do ministry. Tithe. Go to fellowship. Does everything 'right' and still lack the faith to follow Jesus. In the eyes of those who don't believe there is a God or in God, faith is random, foolishness and non-sense. Indeed, why not. If I don't believe in God, why would I believe He is at work.

But for those of us who call ourselves Christians. Faith is essential. And sometimes we run away at adversity. We complain, whine (at worst..I know for me, rant) to God how unfair of the circumstances or situations we are in or those we have to deal with. We pray earnestly for Him to take those painful moments away.

Perhaps these moments are where we build stronger faith by leaning on Him. Just as Oswald describes that once we obey when we risk everything and take the leap of faith, we found His words are true, the relationship with the Divine becomes more real when we decided to lean on to Him.

When the uncertainty comes, when what God calls us to do make no sense, it is not for us to go back. Though, there might be a huge inclination to do so. Instead, we should lean closer to Him. Pursuit the Divine ever more. Meditate to the point where we can taste and feel His peace surround us. Ever as our circumstances crumble beneath us. Our faith will grow abound. And those 'trials' will simply trail away as we delight in His communion.....

AMEN!

One of the traits of a humble servant is not the skills, talents or possessions one accumulate. But rather at any given time, to give up, to surrender and to obey the call of the master.

Bible Study: Galatians Reflection - Chapter One

2011-05-18T01:04:00.003-04:00

For the past few days, I read Galatians a number of times. It's only six chapters and quite exciting to see and trying to figure out with Paul wrote this letter. One of my favorite part was when Paul told the audience that though they wanted to follow the Jewish Law, they didn't even know what it meant. Since Paul was a Pharisee before, he went and explained to them the laws, death from following the laws and how believing in Christ give life.

I figure I would spent the next few posts to spend on digging the Scriptures. I tried and followed a few rules....

1) Read within the context - Don't inject ideas into the text, let the Holy Spirit through the text to speak to me
2) Don't include other sources or other text - I could probably use Acts to see when this letter was written. Or pull from other letters to understand Paul's theology and his thoughts on Jesus Christ. Will do none of that.
3) Find out what the letter is trying to say - Why did Paul wrote the letter? Who was it for? What was it about? How did Paul bring these ideas? Why did Paul write these ideas? Basically covers the five Ws: who, what, why, where, and by what means....

The overall idea is to have a better understanding of the Scripture. I enjoyed digging Scriptures like this as it is like detective work and try and understand and discern why Paul wrote this letter. Just as when we write an email or send a text message to someone, there's a certain purpose, Paul didn't just wrote it for fun. He also didn't wrote it primarily to explain to us, readers that are 2000 years later, who God is. That wasn't his point. Yes, we can find God's nature and have a better understanding of Jesus through what Paul wrote. At the same time it is fun and gain a better understanding and appreciation on Scripture. Of course, this is my own reflection and experiences on examining the Scripture. So some might be in error or other areas need to be better examine. Then again, the best way to be better in studying the Bible is....to study the Bible.

Galatians Chapter One: New Living Translation

...

Galatian is a letter written by Paul to the churches of Galatia (v 1-2). Paul started in the first verse stating that he is an apostle not by human means but by divine appointment (v 1). He was handpicked by Jesus and also God the Father. The reason why Paul was writing this letter is found in verse 6 and 7.

I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ.

The churches of Galatia were no longer following the Good News. Instead they learnt from different teachings that changed the true nature of Christ. This was done by those who deliberately trying to falsify who Christ is and the Good News.

The churches of Galatia were preached by Paul (v 8). Paul preached to them the Good News. Now someone came and preach a Good News which Paul cursed them upon.

Paul once again contrasted human ways and divine ways in verse 10. Paul aimed to please God, not to please men. He reminded the audience that if he was to please men, he would not be Christ’s servant.

Between human ways and divine ways also from how Paul understood the gospel message (v11 – 12). Here Paul explained that he learnt the gospel message, Good News and Jesus, no by anyone (human source). Instead it came directly from the divine, Jesus Christ Himself (v 11). This was consistent with being an apostle chosen by Jesus instead of human authority (v 1) and aiming to win approval for God and not men (v 10).

Paul reminded his past to the audience, which they already know. Before being an apostle, he followed the Jewish religion. Not only was he a Jew but a zealous one. He persecuted the church with violence (probably killed Christians). Not only did he do it, but he did it with zeal. He was the Jews of Jews. The head of the religious organization. He was the best and elite. (v 13 -1 4).

Paul considered grace to be chosen by God. God already selected him even before Paul was born (v 15). Paul had a special job from God and it was to preach to the Gentiles (v 16).

He then explained how Jesus revealed to Paul that he would be selected to share the Good News to the Gentiles. Through the chapter, we could tell that the Good News is Jesus Christ (v 15, v6-7).

From verse 16 onward, he explained how Jesus called him. After Jesus revealed to Paul (v 16), Paul didn’t consulted it with anyone. Instead he went to Arabia and later went to Damascus.

We do not know how long he stayed in Arabia or Damascus. Three years later he went to Jerusalem to get to know Peter (verse 18). Paul knew Peter was one of the leaders of the church in Jerusalem and also one of Jesus’ apostles.

In v 20, Paul wrote that he declared before God what he wrote wasn’t a lied. This line probably came from the church didn’t believe him or someone else was spreading false rumors about him. Paul was writing this accounting in order to defend himself. Or else, he didn’t need to include v 20 to pinpoint that he’s telling the truth.

It’s interesting to see that Paul only stayed with Peter for 15 days. He didn’t even spend long time with Peter. He also met James, Jesus’ brother in verse 19. This will become useful later on.

Paul left and went up to Syria and Cilicia to visit the Christians in the churches in Judea. No one knew who he was (v 22). Despite that, they heard of him because they recognized that Paul was the one who used to persecute them. Notice that Paul was away in Arabia and Damascus for three years before seeing Peter. And then afterwards went up to the churches in Judea. This means that the Christians recognized Paul, when he was persecuting Christians, more than three years ago. That’s a long time!

The Christians praised God from seeing the change in Paul’s life. Before he followed the Jewish religion and was zealous in destroying the Christians.

Ryder - Weight of a nation

2011-05-17T18:49:00.000-04:00

Ryder Hesjedal is a professional cyclist. He is from Canada and will be riding for Team Garmin Cerevelo this year's Tour De France. He had a remarkable season last year with 7th Overall at Tour De France!

Woohoo! A Canadian cyclist riding a Canadian bike :O)

Beyond the Peloton: VÅRGÅRDA 2

2011-05-17T16:05:00.000-04:00

;o) I love cycling because it is very dynamic and chaotic. Everything is unpredictable and you never know when someone or a team going to attack.

Agendas and expectation

2011-05-16T11:33:00.003-04:00

Each of us has our own agendas.

A wise Christian sister said that prior to my vision quest to Cambodia earlier this year.

It is true. When it comes to serving God, we have expectations on what we might view as the right way. God's way of doing things. And sometimes, our motives, at times we might consider as pure and noble, can be clouded with pride, discord and our own insecurities. When things don't act the way we desire, we become upset and even bitter. Toward ourselves, toward each other and toward God.

I am once reminded of Jonah. After swallowing up by the big fish, he was released on the shore and went to Ninevah to do what he should have done in the beginning. After 'preaching', using this term loosely as he only spoke a few words (Jonah 3:4), he went out of the city (4:5) and expected God to rain down brimstone and fire to smite these 'heathens'.

Instead, God did none of that. God even gave a vine to to shelter Jonah from the scorching sun (4:7). God also sent a worm to killed the vine (4:8). Now Jonah wanted to die. He was angry and upset. He was so angry he wanted to die.

It is at this point God reveals Jonah's heart. It shows, Jonah, a servant of God, his own agenda and his expectation of God is so vastly different than who God is.

I am sure in Jonah's head, or his concept of God's justice makes sense. After all, doesn't God hates sin and wickedness? Of course. Isn't God a just God? Indeed. Surely, He would not stand idle by against His people's enemies......

...and this is precisely where God's Grace shines brightly. He cares for the one hundred and twenty thousand, those who can't tell right from wrong. God has His agenda and He expects His servants to obey them....not the other way around.

...

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

But the LORD said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

Jonah 4:9-10

...

I am reminded of myself and my past experiences...had I ever expected God to punish someone? When something bad happen to someone, in my heart am I rejoicing, 'yay, this is God's deliverance at work'? And when the path of reconciliation is appearing before me, is my heart harden and bitter with the outcome?

All these emotions and thoughts are just a form of pride. Surely I can say and I probably say, I am not prideful. I am a great Christian because I ______ (go to seminary, serve in church, read the Bible, pray, do devotion, work hard, don't drink swear watch porn take drugs...etc.) and the question I asked myself is...'if I am not prideful, how come I not embrace reconciliation and try to hinder it?'

Biopsy results

2011-05-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

The clinic called this morning and informed me that the results are normal. My liver cells are normal and healthy. They do not know as to why the elevated blood results.

Praise the Lord for He is good.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:26-27

Biopsy

2011-05-10T23:37:00.000-04:00

Tonight's post will be a mix of things, feelings and thoughts from yesterday's biopsy.

Yesterday's was my biopsy. Since December, one of the numbers that measure my liver function was higher than normal. What should be in its 40s, it was hovering at 100. At first, the transplant doc suspected it was an infection from a virus. Last week, after seeing that the numbers hadn't gone down, they decided to do an ultrasound last Thurs and a biopsy yesterday.

Usually, they had to make an appointment for me for the biopsy. By a mix of events, yesterday's appointment was intended for someone else. That person could not make it so I slide right in.

The last time I had a biopsy was 20 years ago before my transplant. This biopsy almost a symbol of what I thought I was healed. What would they find? What if I had complication from the biopsy? How would this affect my health afterwards? Lots and lots of questions and uncertainty popped up in my head.

Plus, all the schedule planned for this week was put on hold. I had to take two days off work. Projects meant to be on priority became second thoughts. Perhaps this is a way for God to grab my attention. To be still and seek Him first.

Sunday's night was one of the quieter moments. It was mother's day and we had a family dinner at home. I quickly finish the meal and headed to my computer. The biopsy was schedule for 7:50 am at downtown Toronto. This meant that I needed to leave home early to get there on time.

I couldn't sleep. I spent an hour or two tossing on my bed. I glanced at my cell phone, clicking repeatedly on the refresh to check emails. I opened the Bible app and read it a few times.

I thought about all the times when God rescued me. This is all in His hands.

Yesterday's morning was up and early. My father accompanied me as a procedure like biopsy required another person to take you home. There were lots of waiting. Waiting in the reception room. Waiting on the bed. I hadn't been in the hospital like this for more than 10 years now. Back when I had my liver transplant, especially the few years after, I would spent one day at the hospital 4 times a year. Ultrasound, blood work, CT scan were a norm to me. It was only ten years ago when my doc just had me done blood work instead.

The hospital also humble me in a different sense. Sometimes I wrap up about my own health, I forgo to see many others were sick and in needed of healing. It made me realized the miracle that God gave me with a liver transplant and being healthy all these years (let alone triathlons, marathons and Ironman).

I was scared. The nurse knew I had a transplant and so she told me...

'So, this is normal for you huh?'

'Nope. My last biopsy was 20 years ago.'

'Really? How come you didn't have any biopsy done?'

I don't know what to say. But I got a feeling that this nurse probably seemed many transplant recipients coming here for a biopsy done. And yet, some how, I was the exception one where I never required one for a long time.

At first I hoped they would sedate me. The thought of a needle sticking straight to my liver wasn't very comforting. They didn't. Instead, the nurse gave me some drugs via IV as the doctor freeze my skin (just like how the dentist stick a needle in your gums to numb them before he operates).

The doctor was calm. He must have done it a thousand times. There was an ultrasound machine and he showed me my liver and the needle he stuck in me. He was explaining the dark spots were my major arteries and he was trying to avoid them. He took two samples. I was high on the medication the nurse gave me. Then they wheeled me back to the waiting room.

They hooked me up on a heart rate monitor and I was kept in the bed for two hours until the drugs wear off. The monitor would beep when a number goes below 52. I was concern what's going on. The nurse came over and told me that was my heart rate. They set the warning too low and I was too healthy. The nurse gave me a sandwich and a drink (it's great, they even fed me!).

Half an hour prior to leaving, my monitor was blank. I figured it was a loose wire. The nurse came over and asked me if I was ok. I told him that I think my heart just stopped. He joked and he let me out a few minutes later.

Whenever I speak about my transplant, I always tell others (and also a reminder to myself) that sometimes I feel too normal. I forgot about the gift that God had worked in me.

The transplant clinic worked very fast. While I was waiting to leave yesterday, the clinic coordinator came down and already took my samples back to the clinic for further testing. She told me that they will find out the results by tomorrow or so.

I do not know how long it takes to wait for a biopsy. Sometimes weeks, sometimes months. I think the timing of this biopsy is perfect. It is so fast.

There are times when I wish when my blood results are normal. I don't know what the doc will find. But I know this is all under His Control. I still remember Oswald Chamber's devotion on faith and what it means to persevere.

Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God.

I also remember Psalm 23:1...

My Lord is my shepherd.

I have all that I need.

...It is in Him that I need. In His Loving Ways, I rest.

I spent yesterday and today resting at home. Lots of sleep. I remembered the pain I had from my first biopsy. Yet, this one didn't hurt as much. It just felt a bit tight in my lower right abdomen.

Thank you for everyone who prayed for me during this period. I am still waiting for the doctor to get back to me as to what's going on with my liver. It might be for the worst or for better? No clue. But everything is in His Control and this is what I am relying on.

Devotion - The Faith to Persevere

2011-05-08T21:37:00.002-04:00

Taken from today's My Utmost for His Highest. A devotion from Oswald Chambers. Tomorrow, I am doing a liver biopsy because of the elevated numbers from my blood work. I am also in the process of applying for OMF (Overseas Missionary Fellowship) and everything right now hangs in the air. There's no control and nothing I can do.

Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God.

Christianity is not about you

2011-05-06T12:08:00.000-04:00

A while ago...

I told a Christian brother that following Jesus is not about him...

...there was a moment of silent and the conversation went somewhere else. Looking back, I think I sounded quite snobby and disrespectful.

Yesterday I came across a blog post that made me reflected what I said a while ago.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Even in that last phrase “keep oneself unstained from the world”, he’s not talking about monastic retreat, private meditation, or even personal piety. The contextual implication there involves the need to “wash our hands of worldliness” which, throughout the book of James, is defined as self-absorption–a “my life for me” approach to life in contrast from a “my life for you” approach to life. Worldliness then, according to James, is me thinking always about me (see James 4:1-3).

Perhaps next time I should explain that our spiritual growth is not by our individual and often private knowledge of who God is. Rather it is always done in the context of relationship, fellowship and community.

And this makes a lot of sense when Jesus say anyone who follows Him must carry their own cross and we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.

It makes me wonder....sometimes we ask each other..how's your spiritual walk...and the conversation often goes back to..'oh I need to pray more..I need to read the Bible..I need to attend a conference to know more about God.' These are all good things. At the same time, I wonder is that 'spiritual' if I focus more on my prayer life and fail to see my neighbors in need of help? (Hmm...parable of Good Samaritan anyone?)

It becomes a self center focus. How's my relationship with God? Does it sound strange to consider that my relationship with God is not really about me? But Him? And at my neighbors?

I wonder how do I live up to consider myself last and others first in a culture where I put myself first. To be honest, the world, I am pretty sure is all about putting yourself ahead of everyone else. After all, no one is going to take care of you. You better learn how to live on your own. Hehe, how different does the gospel brings. God, is our Heavenly Father who takes care of you.

Real spirituality is forgetting about yourself, washing your hands of you.- Tullian Tchivdjian

The Lord is my

2011-05-04T22:44:00.000-04:00

shepherd.

Today at prayer meeting as we were reading Luke 10, I saw this bookmark...

I instantly remember the second verse...

I have all that I need.

What a great reminder.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

Psalm 23

Stubborn Disciple(s)

2011-05-03T22:09:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I think I am the most stubborn disciple of all....

In the gospel of Mark, the disciples are often depicted as ... fools... They never get it right. They never understand what Jesus is saying or doing. They always say the wrong things. Jesus spent as much time rebuking them as he did with the Pharisees.

Take Mark 8:14-21 for example...

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat.

“Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”

They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven."

He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

Leading up to this section, Jesus performed two miracles of feeding the masses (the feeding of five thousands in Mark 6 and the feeding of four thousands in the beginning of Mark 8). He also walked on water (Mark 6:45-56). He cured the sick and drive out demons. The oppositions; Pharisees, Herod, teachers of the law, are mounting. After all these, the only concern the disciples is worrying not having enough to eat.

Hehe...I looked back on my transplant, on my blood pressure, on my teeth.....and I still lack faith. For the past five months, the numbers that measured my liver functions (ALT, AST, ALP) are high. Going to do an ultrasound this Thursday and a biopsy next Monday. The last time I had a biopsy was 20+ years ago, a few months before my liver transplant.

And all this, I still do not understand.

Indeed, a very stubborn disciple!

Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?

Mark 4:40

Devotion: The Passion Of Patience

2011-05-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

This is taken from Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost For His Highest" Devotion:

"Though it tarry, wait for it." Habakkuk 2:3

Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God is the source of patience, because it imparts a moral inspiration. Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God. He "endured, as seeing Him Who is invisible." A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself. You always know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes with it; things come with largeness and tonic to the life because everything is energized by God. If God gives you a time spiritually, as He gave His Son actually, of temptation in the wilderness, with no word from Himself at all, endure, and the power to endure is there because you see God.

"Though it tarry, wait for it." The proof that we have the vision is that we are reaching out for more than we have grasped. It is a bad thing to be satisfied spiritually. "What shall I render unto the Lord?" said the Psalmist. "I will take the cup of salvation." We are apt to look for satisfaction in ourselves - "Now I have got the thing; now I am entirely sanctified; now I can endure." Instantly we are on the road to ruin. Our reach must exceed our grasp. "Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect." If we have only what we have experienced, we have nothing; if we have the inspiration of the vision of God, we have more than we can experience. Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually.

I can say for the past few weeks, ministries and other area of my life created more pressure than I can endured. There was one night where I lied on my bed and told God, 'Lord, sometimes following You is so hard.' I longed for relief. Longed for an easier way. The mind quickly weaken with ideas like, 'why can't my life be ______ [insert another person]. His life is so much easier. Why should I have to do all these work? No one appreciate it anyways. Can't I focus on things that truly matters?'

Just as Jesus was tempted in the wild. Far away from God. For weeks, I felt very far away from Him. I know He is near but I do not feel it. I longed for those intimate moment when I was so close to Him I can barely sleep at night.

Yesterday, I went for a jog around my neighborhood. It is Spring and the weather hadn't warm up yet. Amidst a drizzle of light rain. I ran along paths of familiarity of my childhood. I ran past my elementary school. I ran past my friend's house. I ran past by streets where I use to bike when I was little. I ended the run in a park, in the forest. Though the weather was cool and chilly, the lifeless branches have a number of sprouts. I was surprised to see signs of life flourishing among the dreaded weather we've been having.

Perhaps, the dreadful weather is not as dreadful. Just as the pressure of what I thought cannot endure, can be endured through seeking His Presence. And so, I come back to a place where I am most familiar of. Like running in my neighborhood. The childish desire to be in His Presence.

Bin Laden and Loving Your Enemies

2011-05-02T16:32:00.001-04:00

Last night, the announcement that Bin Laden is dead. This morning, I watched BBC as they covered how he was killed, those that were involved, eye witnesses and those that are celebrating.

I was browsing online and found a post about Loving Your Enemies in response to the recent news to Bin Laden:

http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/02/love-your-enemies

The announcement hit last night that Osama Bin Laden had been killed in a firefight in Pakistan. The news reports on this cycle between commentators, stock Bin Laden footage, and Americans celebrating. While celebrating may feel like the right thing to do, as Christians we should consider how we relate to the death of evildoers.

Image taken from http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/02/love-your-enemies

Snappy Critter

2011-04-30T19:58:00.002-04:00

Questions, Thinking, Sunday School Answers

2011-04-29T00:15:00.001-04:00

This post is probably a bit of rambling from what I experience tonight and my own walk as a Christian.

Tonight, a friend and I had a discussion about how to pray and what's the best way to pray. It was a wonderful discussion about God, dating, seeking His Will, temptation and everything in between.

At one point, I asked my friend a few questions...

- how come we have to pray when God already know what we want?
- do you really think God will not answer you if you don't pray 'rightly'? Side Question: What's the right way to pray anyway?

The conversation was through the drive on the way back home from downtown. As I pulled on my friend's driveway, I told him the fact is all the answers to these questions are Sunday School answers. He knew them already. At that point, he realized that it was all in his head. It's just a matter of linking his life to what he believed in.

...

One of Ravi Zacharias' ministries is known as Let My People Think. Sometimes Christians are great at having the answer. Not just only the answer but the right one. Especially those we consider as Sunday School answers. But we never really give too much thought to them.

It is a discouragement moment when during a discussion, say in Sunday School when someone answer God is Sovereign or Jesus died on the cross for us and you can see the audience roll over their eyes or stare blankly (I will admit, sometimes I am guilty of that as well).

Tonight, all the answers I gave to my friend were these 'Sunday School answers'. When my friend realized he already knew them, he said, "wow, I never realize these Sunday School answers have so much depth to it."

What got both of us excited tonight not because these answers were new, tt was the questions I posed for us to dig around.

I think the question is way more important than the answer..haha.yes..I am sure many have taken from Matrix scene when Trinity told Neo that it is the question that drive us. It is true, at least in my experience, questions drive me to understand more about why we pray. Someone once said it is taking ownership of the answer.

The question drives the thinking process. Not the answers. Truly, the answers are important. In today's information age, I can practically find all the answers online about Biblical truth, character and everything in between.

For those who teach at Sunday School, the question goes back to how...how can we make others to think of these questions? I think that's the work of the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit tugs someone's heart to seek God. It is the Father who calls us to Him, not one day we decided to get up and learn more about God. It is all His being, His calling and His mission.

I am not smart enough to think of the best method of teaching. If I am teaching Sunday School, I probably just pull out a lesson and just go through it (which I do). I do know though, school, or academic learning is not the best method of learning. By this, I mean where one person just spills loads of answers or facts to a mass audience. Perhaps this is all individual basis. It is when the person is will to learn, that becomes important. Perhaps this is why they say it is not about the teacher and it is all about the students.

Something for me to grasp tonight is to recognize when someone is being tugged by the Spirit, direct them with questions and explain with answers. Thinking is indeed more powerful than merely handing out spoonful of answers. And a question, is a good way to start the thinking and the seeking process.

Creed - One Last Breathe

2011-04-28T12:38:00.000-04:00

Love the guitar in the beginning.

Creed - One Last Breathe

Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

I’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

Whirlwind

2011-04-20T23:43:00.004-04:00

Everyday I get up, it feels like a to do list.

That's how I was feeling for the past three weeks. Everyday, there's something to do. A list of things needed to be done. Emails. Follow-ups. Plan. Make decisions.

I haven't posted as much in the past few weeks. I went to Cambodia on a Vision Quest with Ratanak from Jan 22nd till Feb 4th. I also visited Singapore and Hong Kong for a week before I came back.

Afterwards, it was busy. I had my course, Missions in a Global Context, to catch up. Books to read. Topics to research. Papers to write.

Between getting use to back in Canada, God gave me a wonderful surprise.

Before going to Cambodia, I met up with a missionary from Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF). He heard of my stories and my interest in missions. When I came back, he offered me an IT role in OMF Headquarters in Singapore. It is a two year role helping their IT infrastructure. I took a look at the role description and it is exactly what I am doing at my work.

It's almost divine.

Divine because I prayed to God to send me overseas for 2-3 year. I am single. I am mobile. I can go.

Divine because Singapore is close to Cambodia. Though a part of me want to go back to Cambodia to help, I don't know if my health can handle it. I had a liver transplant and if I have any complications, who knows how I can get help. Singapore, on the other hand, is clean in that aspect. I still ask God if this plan makes sense. Use Singapore for a base to go to Cambodia. It's only two hour flight. I have no idea what I can do in Cambodia. The need there is much more than here. At least in Canada if I need to find a church, I can walk down the street.

Divine also because of someone I met in Singapore. My friend said...'OMF had many offices in around the world. US, Canada and Taiwain....and God sent you to Singapore'

Divine because this is exactly what I am doing at my current job. Translate business requirement to technical requirement. Train users to use the system.

And so the past few weeks were busy filling out forms, checking them twice, ask my family doc, ask my dentist, ask my friends for reference.

Among the ministries I am engage in. Organizing a summer retreat for my congregation. Lead University Fellowship. Help out at Bible Quiz.....I am full.

Of all the things I miss, I missed those quiet times when I could get up early on Sat morning, grabbed my bike and go for a ride. The quiet times I spent on the road and it was just me and Him.

Today I had a realization that if God is opening all the doors, I would be gone in two months. That's fast. I laugh (like Sarah) because I don't think that's possible.

My friend, studying MBA in a prestigious University, found out I am going to OMF and the role is a faith based role (aka I don't get paid. God provides the funding)...in which he asked, "Cliff, what about retirement? What are you going to do about that?"

I thought for a sec. Trying to say it in a gentle way over Gmail chat. Who am I following God or money? If God calls me to go, I go. I bang home with Matthew 6:30-32. What am I seeking? Retirement or His Kingdom? I also joke with him that he's only 30 and he's too young to worry about retirement. Side note: I don't disagree with retirement. It is just in the light of the world, when the world makes less than 2 dollars a day, and what Jesus commands of the rich...retirement seems a minor factor when it comes to His Kingdom.

He told me I am crazy (I don't disagree). At the same time we both agreed that if we read the Bible, this just make sense.

I can say I am scared. I joke that this is what happens when you pray too much. He answers. In the beginning of Luke, Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, could not believe that the Lord would give him and Elizabeth a child because they were old. The irony is that they pray for it. Now the Lord answers and he was afraid and could not believe it....

Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”

Luke 1:18

I am still wondering why I am so scared. Probably because He does answer. Going to Cambodia. My blood pressure. My health. This role. God moves so fast I can barely keep up. In a year, everything changes.

The guilty side is that a part of me don't want to change. I am comfortable here. I am comfortable in Mississauga. In my job. In my things. I don't want to give it up. Then I remind myself, these things are only temporary comfort. They are minor when it comes to the Glory Of God. And I remembered...vaguely of those times when I experience His Grace. Everything else does pales in comparison to that. Why would I want to go back? There's no joy there. It might feel comfortable but no joy.

So here I wait.....a while ago I made a post on four doors in March 15th.

These are the four doors God have to open if I will be gone to Singapore....

home
field
medical
support

If you are the praying type, please pray for me. Following Christ is definitely an adventure of a life time. I wouldn't want it any other way. Someday, I wanted to look back to this day and I can say to myself that I took one small leap of faith for Him. I still think I am a mouse of faith :O)

Thanks!

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

Hagar Cambodia - The Two Sue's

2011-04-19T15:53:00.000-04:00

I can see things in my childhood, in my teenager years, in my early working years, I am ready for this. I was born for this....

The video shows the Hagar's Aftercare Facility I visited two months ago.

Oswald Chambers Devotion: Readiness

2011-04-18T09:47:00.001-04:00

Picked this up from Oswald Chambers Daily Devotion this morning.

God called unto him and he said, Here am I

Exodus 3:4

When God speaks, many of us are like men in a fog, we give no answer. Moses' reply revealed that he was somewhere. Readiness means a right relationship to God and a knowledge of where we are at present. We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. The man or woman who is ready for God and His work is the one who carries off the prize when the summons comes. We wait with the idea of some great opportunity, something sensational, and when it comes we are quick to cry - "Here am I." Whenever Jesus Christ is in the ascendant, we are there, but we are not ready for an obscure duty.

Readiness for God means that we are ready to do the tiniest little thing or the great big thing, it makes no difference. We have no choice in what we want to do, whatever God's programme may be we are there, ready. When any duty presents itself we hear God's voice as Our Lord heard His Father's voice, and we are ready for it with all the alertness of our love for Him. Jesus Christ expects to do with us as His Father did with Him. He can put us where He likes, in pleasant duties or in mean duties, because the union is that of the Father and Himself. "That they may be one, even as We are one."

Be ready for the sudden surprise visits of God. A ready person never needs to get ready. Think of the time we waste trying to get ready when God has called! The burning bush is a symbol of everything that surrounds the ready soul, it is ablaze with the presence of God.

When Oswald describes us like men in a fog, I thought not because I don't give no answer. It's because I am blinded and confused most of the time. Will expand more on that in a latter post. It's interesting how the prize of Moses, as the one who God use to free the Israelites from the Egyptians, I thought about the hardship Moses had to go through.

This devotion reminded me of the obedience of a Christian. Getting ready is clearly a sign that someone is not ready. And I think lately I am trying to get ready instead of being ready. Also the readiness is not for big items but also small items. There are things lately which I think about..why am I doing this again....definitely not a good attitude when it comes to ministries.

Friday Funny

2011-04-15T11:41:00.001-04:00

It's funny because it is true...